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[ - ] I think I may be going down a slippery slope. Trying to lose about 10 lbs. I was just sitting at my desk eating a 160 calorie packet of nuts and dried fruit when I thought, "ooh, if I spit this out after I chew it instead of swallowing, I won't have to worry about calories". To a normal person, how wacky is that thought? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:17 PM Flag
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Once a month or so I have that thought and spit a mouthful of food into the trash I realize mid bite that I don't want it. Hasn't progressed to a more serious problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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but the swallowing part is the satisfying part to me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:21 PM Flag
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Not wacky for a woman. We are taught that how our bodies look matters so much. It's awful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:21 PM Flag
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Very wacky. Eat it and enjoy it, or don't eat it. There are kids starving in our world, and we are wasting food. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:24 PM Flag
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Also, chewing and spitting is gross. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:24 PM Flag
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What are you doing eating dried fruit if you want to lose weight?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:24 PM Flag
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I was hungry, having trouble concentrating on a project and didn't have anything else at hand. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:34 PM Flag
[ - ] SSRI moms: mine works to quell anxiety and somewhat diminish depression. It works enough that I want to stay on it. But it makes me feel sleepy and unmotivated. Anyone here find the same? And did you discover anything that helps this? TIA 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:15 PM Flag
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how long have you been on them? I feel that way on the first few weeks but they go away [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:19 PM Flag
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OP: Years. Funny, I am the opposite: in the beginning, they made me feel more motivated. But now they just make me feel apathetic. Citalopram. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:20 PM Flag
[ - ] We don't have a huge apartment by any means, but I really do feel like straightening and cleaning up is a CONSTANT, never-ending thing. And even then, it never seems neat or clean. I am always always putting my kids' and husband's things away. It is futile. I want to give up on this and just let it be a true sh*thole. I'm the only one that cares about it anyway. What a waste of time. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:13 PM Flag
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how about hiring a cleaning person to do this task? also, how about making your kids purge their things if they don't put them away? make it a family exercise - no room / space and need to declutter/donate things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:15 PM Flag
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OP: It really is more of an everyday thing and we can't afford to hire someone daily. When I let it go for a few days, stuff just piles up everywhere. I just feel so sick of always picking up sh*t and putting it somewhere else. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:17 PM Flag
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i feel you. just a thought: discipline the kids by getting rid of stuff. my mom did that once - threw away everything on the floor in my room since "it was not being cared for properly" needless to say i lost a mp3 player, make-up and bags i loved so i was forced to make sure nothing was on the floor after that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:34 PM Flag
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Get rid of stuff [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:25 PM Flag
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+1. It's like Groundhog Day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:33 PM Flag
[ - ] Oncologist here. AMA :) 39 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:59 PM Flag
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Does tamoxafan make one fat & feel like crap? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:01 PM Flag
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OP: Tam can definitely make some people feel lousy. The problem is that there's a clear correlation with increased side-effects and increased effectiveness. So from a cancer perspective, it's good that it makes you feel bad (which always seemed unfair, but that's the way it is) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:03 PM Flag
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So 5-10 years of feeling hormonal and cranky and having added pounds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:05 PM Flag
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OP: Sadly, yeah. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:10 PM Flag
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Thanks for being honest. About to start this. Already a bit overweight from middle age. And cranky! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:15 PM Flag
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It doesn't affect everyone the same - gl! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:26 PM Flag
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I am trying to cut my meat consumption. It's hard when on vacation. Especially freaked out about colon and ovarian CA. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:01 PM Flag
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OP: I wouldn't tell you to strictly avoid meat just because of cancer risks. One small (tiny?) piece of a big messy ugly and largely random puzzle. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:03 PM Flag
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It seems especially big for colon cancer and now they (?) say colonoscopies only detect 1/3? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:04 PM Flag
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OP: Nope, it's way overblown. There's actually 2 randomized trials on dietary intervention that failed to show that reduced meat consumption reduced risk of colon cancer. If there's any impact, it's a small one and probably only comes with daily consumption. Colon cancer experts advise high-risk patients to limit meat to no more than every other day. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:08 PM Flag
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I thought huge difference in colon ca rates betwwwn vegetarians and meat eaters. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:09 PM Flag
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OP: There's differences that are observational, but when you actually do the trials to have people change what they eat, we don't consistently see any reduction in cancer risk. It might be that vegetarians in the observational studies are different in other meaningful but unmeasured ways. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:17 PM Flag
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np. Isn't it the aged processed meat that's the problem? The ones with the toxic amines. Fresh meat is okay, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:06 PM Flag
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OP: Both are ok, I think. Processed meats are probably worse. Smoked and cured meats are associated with a slightly increased risk of stomach cancer, too. That said, I still eat all sorts of meat, just in moderation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:09 PM Flag
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my amazing mother had stage 1 of the worst kind of endometrial cancer. She was 72 and extremely healthy/athletic etc. Serous cell cancer. She got total hysterectomy and said no to chemo (she's an RN) 6 years later and she's totally NED. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:05 PM Flag
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OP: Awesome! Many patients with stage I serous endometrial will be cured with surgery alone. Chemo there is an insurance policy that on average reduces risk of relapse, but plenty will be cured without it (and some will recur despite getting chemo). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:10 PM Flag
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or-thanks. She worked with the geriatric population in nursing and said she didn't want to get something (can't remember what its called) but she described swelling I think she said it had to do with taking out nodes. She said she saw so many patients never really recover from that side effect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:17 PM Flag
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OP: Yep, lymphedema after taking out the armpit lymph nodes can be permanent and quite awful. Risk is lower with good surgeons and smaller surgeries. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:32 PM Flag
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Df just got bone marrow transplant. What's the best way to be supportive? Any special concerns following this procedure [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:08 PM Flag
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OP: Different kinds of bone marrow transplants (from yourself, "auto," and from a donor, "allo"). There's different concerns and different recovery. They'll have major dietary restrictions afterwards, only home-cooked foods, so offering to do some meal prep or shopping may be appreciated. Mostly just be present - many patients after a transplant feel abandoned or shunned. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:14 PM Flag
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Thanks. I tend to try to be a listener (I avoid asking Qs because I don't want to be nosy) not sure which type this was. What type of dietary restriction s are there [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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OP: Pretty strict, depending on the type of transplant (more strict for donor). No eating out, only cooked fruit/veg, no sushi/rawbar, well done meat, etc. It's operation avoid-food-poisoning to the max. And no booze of course. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:28 PM Flag
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Thanks for the info. Would they even have appetite for chocolate, or is that also a no go? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:34 PM Flag
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In your opinion, is DCIS often overtreated? How aggressively would you treat it if you yourself were the patient? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:10 PM Flag
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OP: I view DCIS as a risk for breast cancer. Itself it doesn't need a ton of treatment, of course, but you have to think about preventive strategies to avoid invasive breast cancer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:15 PM Flag
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FIL passed of a very aggressive prostate cancer within a year of diagnosis. Did not respond to any treatments. Is my DH at risk too? Can he have his prostate removed later (if he is okay with that?)? What steps can we take for prevention or early detection? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:11 PM Flag
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OP: Would need more info to comment on familial risk, but DH should discuss with his docs. If it's what I'd guess (small cell carcinoma of prostate), that's a smoking-related disease and not hereditary. Nobody should ever undergo preventive prostate removal, it's a big surgery with risks of messing things up (incontinence, permanent erectile dysfunction). Monitoring may be appropriate (PSA checks, physical exam, etc.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:16 PM Flag
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thank you! FIL was non-smoker. he was generally in poor health though (had a stroke in his 30s) and refused to exercise. At what age should DH start monitoring? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:29 PM Flag
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OP: Depends on the specifics. Average is to consider at age 50, but for people with high-risk family history you might consider starting age 40. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:32 PM Flag
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I’m a former smoker and I worry about my lung cancer risk. I have heard different things about whether or not a persons risk reduces to that of a non smoker Many years after quitting. Can you help to explain ? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:12 PM Flag
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OP: There's some persistent risk even after quitting, by 15 years after quitting you've reduced your excess risk by 90% for example. The longer you stay quit the better! If you're a former smoker, consider getting screening CT scans. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:19 PM Flag
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how many yrs did you smoke and how many a day? do any cancers run in your family? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:23 PM Flag
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It is hard to answer this because I quit unsuccessfully a number of times, plus sometimes I smoked more heavily than other times, sometimes I only smoked on the weekends, etc. My best estimate is that I smoked about a half pack a day for a total of 20 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:30 PM Flag
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^ and no cancers run in my family although I had thyroid cancer in my 30s. Heart disease is a bigger problem in my family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:31 PM Flag
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HHI? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:27 PM Flag
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OP: 550k [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:29 PM Flag
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I have factor v leiden (heterozygous). I was surprised that all hemotologists are oncologists. So basically am I screwed if I get cancer? What causes the blood clots- chemo or the cancer itself? (I had a dvt during pregnancy which is how I found out). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:28 PM Flag
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OP: Nah, not screwed, just have to manage the clotting risk (which is easy enough). Cancer can increase clot risk, chemo can increase clot risk. But all manageable, just would likely need to be on blood thinners. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:30 PM Flag
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My dear aunt has colon cancer, she actually survived inflammatory breast cancer and this is the second time it has come back. What do you think her chances of survival are ? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:34 PM Flag
[ - ] These college posts are interesting. Is anyone who has been through the process brave enough to post their kids stats, ECs, estimates of essay and recs, where they got in, where they didn't, where they are going and what they found surprising about the whole process vs. expectations they had going in? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:47 PM Flag
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And I know some will steer me to CC, but it is hard to glean much from that site. Any real experience? Is it really the crapshoot we are made to believe it is on UB? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:48 PM Flag
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I have, but my kids were recruited athletes so I usually get told that I don't know anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:08 PM Flag
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I guess that wouldn't give too much color since most of our kids are not going to be recruited. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:10 PM Flag
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No, it doesn't really inform a NYC board, but recruitment is common in the suburbs. Dozens of kids every year. Not all to the UB favored colleges, of course, but it's a common college strategy where I live. DH and all 5 of his siblings were recruited athletes, he got me into it (I grew up in NYC) and lo and behold, 2 of our kids did actually go to college for their sport. But you are right, it's not a path that many parents on UB take. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:29 PM Flag
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Did anything surprise you? What about your dc's friends? How did they fare? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:10 PM Flag
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I was surprised at how early some start. For example, the Ivies start recruiting kids for lacrosse when they are still sophomores. They give a verbal commitment and as long as their grades and scores stay above a certain minimum, their level of play doesn't fall off and they aren't injured, that admission is basically in their pocket starting at age 15. That surprised me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:33 PM Flag
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I care! Did you have a feeling your dc would be good enough to be recruited when they were younger [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:16 PM Flag
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We didn't really think about it until sophomore year in HS, but we did choose the HS based on their athletic teams because they were in Division 1. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:30 PM Flag
[ - ] so what is the upshot from the admissions MP? 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:44 PM Flag
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My DS is not getting in anywhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:48 PM Flag
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This. Ugh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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LOL Ditto [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:56 PM Flag
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my takeaway was NYC private schools may be the last place your kid should go if he wants to go to a selective college. Colleges don't want "little assholes", college admissions officers know who the "little assholes" are that ruined it for our HS. Save your money--go to the burbs, one that offers a bunch of APs but is not a "top burb" get your kid on the sports teams and music orchestras. Leave the rat race. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:48 PM Flag
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Grew up in a nice burb, well respected public school with AP's and there are jerks there, too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:50 PM Flag
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^^^ some with very little reason to be. Delusional big fish in small ponds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:51 PM Flag
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Suburban rat race has its own mines.... status consciousness and materialism that trickles down to young kids. Only my expereince but I've found that very welathy people in the city don't advertise it at all. They try to be down to earth at least in appearance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:54 PM Flag
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omg, please. Stop. Have you been on your FB feed this week? The posts from Deer Valley and Mustique? They do it in there "understated" humble brag way [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:58 PM Flag
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You must know new money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:59 PM Flag
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This is a break for public school. Privates and boarding schools are in March. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:00 PM Flag
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but it's different then. then you see Galapagos and Patagonia - $30K trips. Deer Valley is $20K tops [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:05 PM Flag
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Ok, ok. So everyone is materialistic and status conscious. Go figure. Wish I were at one of those places! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:17 PM Flag
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yuck to all [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:17 PM Flag
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it was depressing [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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we need to get out of here. signed - barely making it full pay private school single parent of a 10 year old normal kid [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:55 PM Flag
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and i got onto this ride because DD had sensory problems and had to have a small class. then for the education. college admissions wasnt a factor. i had no idea i was screwing her chances in the process [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:57 PM Flag
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relax, she will go to a college [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:13 PM Flag
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np-where would you go? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:59 PM Flag
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Montana, obviously. DD would be a star - she speaks 4 languages. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:02 PM Flag
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who would she talk to? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:02 PM Flag
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exactly. but then i'd take that $50K I am killing myself to make and buy horses. and have myself a netflix movie in real life [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:05 PM Flag
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Sounds good! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:17 PM Flag
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np-seriously, I would do that if I were you. WHY NOT? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:26 PM Flag
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Our kids would have done better if we lived in ND or Kentucky. We are state college grads with the ability to pay for our kids to go anywhere, but our kids will either end up SUNY or somewhere like GW if lucky, [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:57 PM Flag
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^^ tristate burbs or city not optimal for college admissions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:57 PM Flag
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np-I won't post any more bc I get destroyed every time I do, but my unconnected dd from NY burb made it into Harvard EA in December. High scoring and talented. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:03 PM Flag
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Lacrosse? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:04 PM Flag
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I remember you, but she played a sought-after instrument. I'm not looking at hyps but anything in the top 50 seems out of reach. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:06 PM Flag
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np. I don't remember you posting. What is the talent and was she recruited? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:08 PM Flag
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Kid needs to play an odd instrument or sport and not be HPY or bust. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:22 PM Flag
[ - ] I am so over shit breaking left and right. Home ownership is a high until it's an anvil around your neck. 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:28 PM Flag
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I feel ya. My microwave is installed over my stove and has a smoke vent. It stopped rotating while cooking. Now what?! A microwave repairman? So annoying. Still better than paying someone else’s mortgage with my rent. That always killed me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:34 PM Flag
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But that’s why a co-op is nice. Any plumbing issue in the walls is paid by the building [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:35 PM Flag
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OP. We have a pond outside with fish. In the winter we run a heater and a bubbler so that the pond doesn't completely freeze over. Because it runs 24/7 and it's outdoors with rain/wind/weather so the electrical outlet gets burnt out. Ordinarily not a big issue except that I have to have a guy come on an emergency basis so I don't have a giant fish ice cube. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:43 PM Flag
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well ponds are better off in other environments/climate, maybe you should reconsider that pond then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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Maybe there are also some dumber message boards that you could frequent, I don't think you're going to do well here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:05 PM Flag
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maybe you don't need to be so hostile, you complain about a problem you are given a solution. yes it's a first world problem so either throw money at it or stop yapping about a choice you made. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:07 PM Flag
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This is stupid on so many levels. You know people have swimming pools in cold climates, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:09 PM Flag
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But they don’t need to heat them Nov through March because otherwise the fish would die. I think such a high maintenance pond is a terrible idea. NP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:18 PM Flag
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duh. you cover up a pool out of season, did you read what OP said about maintaining a pond? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:19 PM Flag
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ITA. Who heats their swimming pool during the winter months? People are so weird here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:26 PM Flag
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why would you stock a pond in a cold weather area? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:23 PM Flag
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And then sometimes you have weird luck. When we first moved into our coop, we gut renovated the kitchen by ourselves and due to a very tight budget, we bought a cheap Avanti stove for around $350. We thought at the time that we would just replace it when we had recovered from everything else. Well, 15 years later, that cheap little stove is still chugging along. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:41 PM Flag
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Meh. My house in flyover has increased in value by 40% over the five years we've owned it. Property taxes are insignificant. Maintenance costs per year are less than 3 months of maintenance on a 1br coop in manhattan. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:46 PM Flag
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But your cultural institutions are “ the rock n roll hall of fame” followed by Applebee’s for dinner. I’ll pass [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:51 PM Flag
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NYC resident: That's just not true. You are very smug and obviously not well traveled in your own country. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:57 PM Flag
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Ok, so what Mecca in flyover are you bragging about. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:59 PM Flag
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Every city has some great restaurants and cultural institutions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:02 PM Flag
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Right, the 4 “good places” you can go after someone graduates or on your anniversary. Don’t kid yourself that there’s a reason your COL is low. You have more space, vs fewer cultural institutions, restaurants, etc. otherwise, we’d all be moving to Iowa [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:08 PM Flag
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You have 2 museums. One is not interesting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:08 PM Flag
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Y'all sound very insecure and unable to function without constant external stimulation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:25 PM Flag
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That's assuming everyone in NYC lives in Manhattan. It's the second largest borough after Brooklyn, which has a lot of coops. My maintenance costs are pretty damn low. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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yes, but the psychological costs of living in a low-status place are high [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:04 PM Flag
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wow, you've been a homeowner for 5 years. You must know everything! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:07 PM Flag
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OMG, you people are rude today... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:20 PM Flag
[ - ] Preface: I know this is none of my business and I have no plans to intervene. That said, one of my good friends recently divorced her husband and moved 7 hours away, with their two young kids. Arranging for dad visitiations has become a nightmare and the kids are clearly impacted by the stress of it all. Dad’s job is not mobile or transferable but mom moved because she needed to live in a different city with only one close friend there. What could explain this? If it were me, my children’s welfare would be first and I would want them to see their dad as often as possible. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:57 PM Flag
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You really have NO idea what goes on behind closed doors. It's hard to put yourself in someone's shoes when you really don't have all of the information. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:00 PM Flag
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She has been confiding in me about her marriage trouble for years. I’m the one that convinced her to seek marital counseling. Our kids are friends and I can tell her kids are suffering but I think she’s trying to live her best life in her new city. I feel very bad for the kids and even her ex, even though he was a crap husband. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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Not PP: she confides in you but that doesn't entitle you to judge/speculate about her motivations. You don't know the whole picture nor is she able to confide every detail with you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:05 PM Flag
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Nothing. I moved states away after divorce. My ex throws mantrums about this to his friends but I don't think he really cares to see kids or else he would have helped out so I wouldn't have to move. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:07 PM Flag
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A lot of things could explain this, but I'm not sure why you need to know what their private situation is. Even if someone here told you what's probably going on, what on earth would you do with that information? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:14 PM Flag
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Nothing. This has all been weighing heavily on me and I won’t talk about it with anyone, for her privacy’s sake. I know the speculation is useless...I guess I just wanted to vent or maybe to even understand her better. I have to admit that I think she made a rash decision. She just said that she needed to get out of our city and start over. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:17 PM Flag
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I agree with you Op. A friend did this. She claimed the DH was abusive, stealing her money, etc. I really don’t know if it is true. I do know he was their dsughter’s father, and the child suffered immensely . Mom took her across the country to be closer to her parents. Dad eventually relocated to be closer. All costs were billed to the kother’s Father . So the bitterness was across 3 generations. It was a sad situation all around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:24 PM Flag
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Billed to the mom’s father. (My friend’s dad), exhausting her trust fund. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:25 PM Flag
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yikes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:32 PM Flag
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I'm kind of surprised a judge allowed it tbh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:25 PM Flag
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She spent $500k on attorneys. This was about 15 years ago. Like I said I disagree with what she did. She basically took the kid across state lines. Before she divorced. Not sure how she won. I guess the “settlement” was she “paid” for Dad to move closer, but I don’t recall the details. Net / net I think the abuse was not true, they didn’t get along and she was trying to justify her choices. The little girl was shattered. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:50 PM Flag
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My friends were in a very bad marriage, finally Dad just took his stuff and moved to NC where he had lined up a new job. Didn't give the wife any warning. Their daughter flies to see him on school vacations or whatever, a few times a year. He's already remarried to a woman and basically helping raise her kids from her previous marriage. You could not pay me to go through this drama. I'm divorced and staying that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:27 PM Flag
[ - ] I can’t imagine other cities in America caring as much about college admissions than NYC. Is it because you guys start with the school selection rat race starting in preschool so that college is just an extension of what you’ve been doing all along? Seems really unhealthy and it sounds like a lot of the kids end up becoming maladjusted in the process. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:50 PM Flag
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Preach. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:51 PM Flag
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California is different because we have amazing public universities that have relatively many more slots. I know many kids who chose Berkeley or UCLA over lower level Ivies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:54 PM Flag
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What is a lower-level Ivy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:19 PM Flag
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Non HYP. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:27 PM Flag
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yes but it is super hard to get in to most UCs in comp sci or engineering...Kids at UCs are very accomplished now. Very competitive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:13 PM Flag
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NYC is a particular kind of place. Jobs, Commute, Housing, Education, Wardrobe, Recreation ... it's not really comparable to any other city. It's its own bird. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:06 PM Flag
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Even down to the decisions about how many children to have. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:07 PM Flag
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And that it’s ill advised to have kids at age 22 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:57 PM Flag
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No. A lot of people in NYC went to those schools themselves so they are valued. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:40 PM Flag
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While the SUNY system is functional and campuses such Binghampton are well respected schools, as a NYer it seems unbelievable that we don't have an amazing system like the UC system. Especially since as the above poster pointed out this is a particular kind of place.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:41 PM Flag
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Who knows, but when we visit my BIL in flyover, they don’t have any worries or cares about colleges and everyone ends up in crap jobs. The level of opportunity for your career in NYC is unbeatable, but you have to compete with Ivy leaguers. Or stay in Iowa, do t stress and and likely return to Iowa after college since u have no connections and no one is impressed by your resume. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:57 PM Flag
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Chicago is worse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:58 PM Flag
[ - ] DH never looks up from his screen when I speak to him. I just did that to him, and he flipped out. Not proud of this, but I think I've made a point (yes, I did try to talk to him...). 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:44 PM Flag
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did you tell him he does that to you all the time? what did he say about that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:52 PM Flag
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Yes, and probably not the smartest thing I could have said, because he denied it. I don't think he's aware of how rude this is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:55 PM Flag
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My dh very often doesn't look at me when he is talking. He's not looking at a screen, but usually just staring straight ahead. I usually move myself so that I am in his line of vision. Or I say, "I'm over here." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:25 PM Flag
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I highly doubt you got any point across, unfortunately. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:13 PM Flag
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LOL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:16 PM Flag
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I have read that frequency of positive response to this type of "bid for attention" (whether you look up when your partner speaks to you) is a highly accurate predictor of marriage longevity or divorce. I think that above 70% is a predictor for stability, below 50% is a predictor of divorce w/in 5 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:41 PM Flag
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instead of talking to him, try texting him. maybe that would make him look up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:08 PM Flag
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How passive aggressive of you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:29 PM Flag
[ - ] Need UB to knock some sense into me. My DD got into ECFS for K, but rejected from Avenues. I know UB considers ECFS a much better school but I really liked Avenues and everyone I talk to loves it there. My friend described it as a 10/10. A lot of downtown families go there and seem so happy. I know I should be thrilled about ECFS but I'm really disappointed about her not getting into Avenues. 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:41 PM Flag
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Ugh I heard Avenues is very flashy and crappy education. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:46 PM Flag
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Where did you hear that from, UB? Ever since Evan Glazer has taken over, the academics have been strong, may be even too intense for some kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:48 PM Flag
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Agree, he's an academic rockstar! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:51 PM Flag
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From a friend who teaches there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:06 PM Flag
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I don't know about that, but there is a school in Chicago, which is very expensive and the place where parents buy their precious darlings a spot. When I look at the colleges to which these kids are admitted, there isn't a single Ivy. So, all that glitters... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:48 PM Flag
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Latin huh? But Chicago private schools don't compare at all the NY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:33 PM Flag
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Solid education, but yes, very flashy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:55 PM Flag
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Latin huh? But Chicago private schools don't compare at all the NY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:33 PM Flag
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I think "rejected" is a pretty heavy word for a K admission process. Who knows why kids are "rejected"...demographic balance, legacy, et al. I wouldn't take it personally. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:47 PM Flag
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No legacy there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:53 PM Flag
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They must have thought you were not going to go there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:10 PM Flag
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I didn’t even know that Avenues reject kids. They probably thought you weren’t going to accept. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:26 PM Flag
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We got waitlisted, but haven't heard anything yet. fingers crossed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:31 PM Flag
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K is not a huge entry point for Avenues. Most kids coming in at 3s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:34 PM Flag
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Not really true. They still accept a fair amount for K. Most come from Washington Market. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 09:35 PM Flag
[ - ] Just looked at DD's instagram feed. Mainly she follows girls and young women doing makeup and fashion. How do they make such professional looking pages? Do they each have a staff of 12 (photo, lighting, wardrobe, set)? Where do they get all the expensive clothes they model? Some of them have 900,000 followers! 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:37 PM Flag
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My cousin does this but has only a few thousand followers. She does it herself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:51 PM Flag
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My college friend is an Instagram star. She has like half a million followers and she tells me most of them are teenagers. She doesn’t do makeup or fashion but she is part of a media company. I don’t know why people find her so fascinating. I mean, she’s funny and pretty, but hundreds of thousands of teenagers?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:05 PM Flag
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They start small, and I know that at least on places like YouTube (don't follow instagram) that the more followers, the more advertising, the more money for promotions, etc. Look at James Charles (YouTube guy). He now has a small empire and sells merchandise, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:07 PM Flag
[ - ] NYC private high school moms: What expenses should be expected besides tuition? Thanks! 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:36 PM Flag
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Very few mandatory ones. It's the endless optional ones that will get you. Really depends on your kid's activities--things like overnight trips for team competitions like debate, model UN, robotics. Foreign language club trips or spring break. Trips to china, france, south america, italy. Community service trips. If you dc needs or wants tutoring, that adds up quickly. Most kids do at least some paid SAT/ACT tutor prep, or take a course. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:09 PM Flag
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lunch might be an extra [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Hey NYC mums! Does anyone know of any drop-in daycares (day and/or night) or a supervised play place where I can drop this monkeys off for just a few hours? 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 02.19.19, 07:13 PM Flag
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Gym babysitting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:15 PM Flag
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but the gym day care makes you stay in the gym during that time. right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:31 PM Flag
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Yup [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 07:42 PM Flag
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The art farm used to have a Friday drop in for kids 3-6 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:38 PM Flag
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And the 92nd st y had some drop off nights for kids. Maybe drop off gym time too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 02.19.19, 08:39 PM Flag
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