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[ - ] Update- neighbor invited us and the other two couples yesterday. We all declined. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:27 AM Flag
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Do you think she read about it here? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:28 AM Flag
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Someone brought it up to her, told her hey sorry I mentioned it to your next door neighbor. This person told me she was very comfortable with her decision not to extend the invite but then she did the following morning. So weird. Her reasoning was “we just decided to invite a few close school friends this year, you know, people we socialize with” while another uninvited neighbor was sitting right next to her, while they were out, socially... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:32 AM Flag
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D@@@@@@mm, Gina! Good for you for declining. And the good news is that now you know exactly who this person is, and you can scratch her off your list of people about whom you need to be concerned. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:36 AM Flag
[ - ] How often do you replace your bed pillows? Down comforter? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:01 AM Flag
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Bed pillows can be washed at home. We don't buy down comforters, but the ones not made of down are machine washable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:18 AM Flag
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I have wool pillows and never replaced them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:34 AM Flag
[ - ] I do most of my parenting through puppets and stuffed animals. Have been doing this since dd was 4 years old -- she's 8 now. At times I try to move away from it, but she's so cranky about getting feedback about homework and chores from me, but if I ask her about it in the voice of her stuffed rabbit, she happily tells me all that she's working on and does her hw in a cheerful mood. There are 4 different puppets that she has full relationships with -- each with a different personality. If anything, we've gotten more dependent on these puppets as she's gotten older because I have to ask more of her. Does anyone else do something like this? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:40 AM Flag
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I do. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for sometimes. She knows the puppets are you. It's just a way to add some levity to an otherwise stressful situation which is a good example to set. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:01 AM Flag
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No, but that’s brilliant [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:35 AM Flag
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We still have the puppet we used for a good 8 years. Sometimes it was mind numbing to me to do that character every day but it in retrospect it was a great tool. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:38 AM Flag
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please teach me how to do this. All my puppets/stuffed toys have same voice/character. Sigh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:45 AM Flag
[ - ] I used to go to the Bobby Brown counter and get my brows done there. Any other suggestions of places were one can get their brows done? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:24 AM Flag
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Bobby brown? You can’t touch those [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:29 AM Flag
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Excellent [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:01 AM Flag
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Bobbi Brown [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:31 AM Flag
[ - ] Anyone familiar with the NWEA test. My child has scored in the 99% for both reading and math since K. She is in third grade now. No one discusses scores (obviously) so I wonder if this is pretty typical of “bright average” in a good suburban school or whether she’s seriously smart? She likes to read and quickly picks up material but doesn’t strike me as any type of genius (just being honest she is funny, empathetic, happy etc but not astronaut level smart). 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:47 AM Flag
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99% is seriously smart in any setting! Your district might have more high scorers but 99% is always 99% [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:04 AM Flag
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are you in chicago? it is actually a good test - it tests knowledge, and generally the 99% indicated they have mastered material a year ahead. My daughter is in 7th and is scoring in the 99% in math because she is getting the geometry questions right. Its exposure and shows your daughter is smart and is getting a good education! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:06 AM Flag
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No we are in a nyc suburb. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:11 AM Flag
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I felt like I posted this. (I posted something identical a few months back. Same test, same score history, same question. My DD is bright, but not crazy bright. She's at a school which tests very poorly in standardized tests, fwiw [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:20 AM Flag
[ - ] I’m a Latino man moving to manhattan, possibly looking to assimilate and work in the financial industry. What do you recommend to do right after I move to the island? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:38 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:39 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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Join the Hispanic chapter of one of the financial industry associations. Search Linkedin for other Hispanics in finance in NYC. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:15 AM Flag
[ - ] Lately I keep thinking about my best friend from high school who drifted away from me toward the end of senior year and stopped responding to me altogether when we left for college. She was my first friend because of a real connection rather than circumstance. I gather than she changed a lot after high school but there still would have been a place for her in my life no matter how her interests changed. I’m in my 30s and have been feeling lonely as suddenly it seems that all my friends are leaving NY and I keep finding myself thinking back on this friendship. I have run into people who she has become friends with and otherwise been reminded of her and I’m still sad. Has anyone had a friendship like this end but not gotten over it? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:03 AM Flag
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I had a wonderful best friend in high school. Our college experiences were very different and within ten years we had lost touch. She reached out to me a couple years ago, and we reconnected. However, we haven’t really stayed in touch past a few texts and one lunch. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:29 AM Flag
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Sure. And sometimes it is nice to reconnect as adults to see if there is a connection or just get closure. Better to reach out than ruminate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:05 AM Flag
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I know the people who are common friends have mentioned me to her (i have always said how fond of her I was and how I hope she is doing well) and she has never gotten in touch. I doubt she would be receptive now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:11 AM Flag
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Why do you think that? Since it’s that time of year, send her a holiday card in the mail. Include your email or phone number and suggest getting in touch. Just an idea [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:28 AM Flag
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The last time she saw me was because I called her parents (sophomore year of college, I couldn’t imagine she was ignoring my calls on purpose) . She also ditched all our common female friends (I think she stays in touch with a common male friend, but they dated). I may try reaching out. The reason I am certain is I recently started a new job and a coworker is friends with her. I know he texted her about me, and I represented it to him as me wishing we were still in touch. I assume she is not receptive because I know he texted her about me and then never mentioned her again to me, so I assume she didn’t say anything positive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:39 AM Flag
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Why do you think she drifted away? Was there a falling out of some kind? Or did you just grow apart? Are you more traditionally “successful” (more money, better job, married with DCs) than she is? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:30 AM Flag
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I don’t think there was a falling out on my part! I think she wanted to change the way she was and felt I was holding her back. I know she changed her image significantly in college (but don’t we all?) and came out as bisexuals, got into drugs, etc, but I don’t think she would assume I would disapprove. I did feel she was pushing away in our senior year, she suddenly made new friends outside our typical group, but I know the few times she included me with them I was responsive. I guess I’m traditionally really successful, but that’s way after the break. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:41 AM Flag
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I reconnected with my HS friend a year ago. I hadn’t seen her in over 15 years. It’s like we never stopped talking, the connection is just there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:34 AM Flag
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But did she intentionally leave you behind? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:42 AM Flag
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And sorry to make it about me, I am so happy for you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:45 AM Flag
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This same thing happened to me. My best friend drifted away in college, and I tried so hard to stay in touch (we were close during the first couple of years, but then drifted). She went to a different school, but initially we talked on the phone and wrote letters and emails. Then, she moved to Alaska and basically disappeared off the face of the earth. She's not on social media and keeps in touch with no one. I still miss her and have tried finding her, and I did find her email address and messaged her a few times but she didn't respond. One of my friends from high school spoke with her at one point and he said she went through a rough time with alcoholism. (She had been a straight A student in high school, a great athlete, and went to an Ivy League school.) I sent her a Christmas card last year with my email address and phone number on it, and she never responded. I'm 44 now and I guess I should get over it, but I still miss her and think of her often. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:12 AM Flag
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Aww that is sad and you really made an effort. Maybe one day she will reach out. You never know. I’ve drifted away from good friends and I feel like it is what it is and want to leave it alone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:39 AM Flag
[ - ] I’ve just returned to work after 2 months of medical leave (breast cancer). First week has been rough. There is a lot of catching up to do. Boss has hinted she wants me back to speed soon. I am overwhelmed by the amount of work but afraid to vocalize it in case I am deemed incapable of doing my job. I am exhausted by midday, and even accidentally fell asleep at my desk. I’ve had to go to a couple of medical appointments where I worked half the day and used medical leave/sick time for the rest of the day. I feel so guilty and depressed that I am not carrying my weight at work. Old me would have never used sick leave for my appointments. Old me would have simply worked a longer day to make up for the time but post cancer, I can’t do that anymore. I have to take care of myself and it is one of the hardest adjustments. Who knew that putting myself first, being kind to myself would be so hard and leave me riddled with feelings of anxiety and uselessness at work? Anyone have any kind works? 35 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 12.11.19, 12:55 AM Flag
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I could really use some support, ladies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:58 AM Flag
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I'm so sad that you don't feel comfortable taking time for you. Someone on our team has cancer and we all pick up the slack and there's no resentment. Please take care of you and voice your needs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:22 AM Flag
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I am trying:) That said, it looks like My self-worth might be tied to my perceived value at work. Since I am not contributing much, I feel worthless and insecure. Just being honest. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:28 AM Flag
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I’m sorry that you are dealing with this . Can you take more time off? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:00 AM Flag
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I could but that would just compound the overwhelming amount of work when I return. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:06 AM Flag
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I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. You need to take care of yourself. Your health comes first. I don’t know how big your company is, or how good your HR support is, but document everything and put yourself first. You just survived cancer. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You’re not leaving work to get a manicure. You’re still recovering. Whatever treatment you went through, radiation I’m guessing if two months, makes you exhausted. You are not useless. Your are healing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:03 AM Flag
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I am documenting work completed which is honestly not much right now. I am slow and there is so much work but I get the feeling that my boss is clueless to how much there is or doesn’t care. Admittedly, I haven’t done a good job advocating for myself but will start tomorrow by having a conversation about expectations: hers and mine. Ugh. This ducking hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:09 AM Flag
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This times 100000000! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:30 AM Flag
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I am sorry you are dealing with this. I had a health crisis 8 years ago, Was out of work for three months, and struggled when I returned. It got better. I still work in the same setting but have had a promotion and I’m doing well. I have learned how to take care of myself, and I think my experiences make me a good manager. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:05 AM Flag
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Thank you for this perspective. I think what I am struggling with the most is that I have to untrained people’s expectations that I will work myself long hours regardless of the negative outcomes on me. Saying no and putting myself first makes me feel awful because others are carrying my load right now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:12 AM Flag
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You realize that you are projecting what you think others are feeling. I wrote above that my team is picking up someone's slack from cancer and we're all more than happy to do so [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:25 AM Flag
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You are right. I feel insecure and am probably projecting a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:29 AM Flag
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Are you in NY? You are probably in a protected class now aka they cannot fire you. Hopefully a lawyer mom can confirm. I say don’t be afraid to speak up and take your time and get back into at your own pace. Ugh I’m so sorry, you really don’t need this bs on top of cancer! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:09 AM Flag
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Not in NY but do qualify as protected class. I am less worried about job loss and more worried about feeling so shitty that I am sick/still recovering/not up to speed and others have to cover my work.i know I shouldn’t feel guilty about putting myself first but I do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:15 AM Flag
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This was me 17 years ago with a small child. Chemo took a lot out of me. You have to be kind to yourself and know that in time you will really be back to full speed, but for now it is one step at a time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:16 AM Flag
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Thank you for the reminder to take it a day at a time. I do think that meeting with my boss and setting up clear expectations for how much I can realistically accomplish will be helpful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:21 AM Flag
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Good luck. I think you need medical accommodation. Talk to HR about what options your company has, and what verification you need from your doctor. Perhaps it's reduced hours or WAH. Emphasize that you are committed to your job. Is your insurance through your job your only option? If not, don't lose sight of what's important- your health & life. More important than money or career. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:17 AM Flag
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The only accommodations I have asked for so far are to work from Home on the days I have appointments (so far, I have two recurring appointments). Other than that, it is full steam ahead and it has proven to be hard on my brain and body. I hate that I am (currently) functioning at a reduced capacity but here I am. In hindsight, I should have returned to work in a reduced schedule. I should have discussed workload expections. I wish someone/the hospital had offered a class for “returning to work after a long I’ll was”. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:26 AM Flag
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I'm so sorry OP. I think that it will take some time for you to get the energy back that you need, so maybe it is better to let your boss know that you need to work your way back slowly rather than to be overwhelmed and let important things slide. If I was your boss, I would want to help you as much as possible, and delegate work to others if needed without making you feel like your job was at risk. I hope she is a compassionate person. If she isn't, then maybe this isn't the right place for you. You do need to take care of yourself first. All the best. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:19 AM Flag
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Any recommendations for how to ask for help? I can’t exactly say “I am exhausted and overwhelmed and having a hard time getting up to speed”. How do I ask for help without sounding “weak”? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:32 AM Flag
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I think setting up a meeting with your boss and talking about expectations, as you smartly said above, it a great way to start that conversation. I just have a hard time understanding how anyone would think you are "weak" having returned from medical leave for breast cancer. You are stronger than any of us having gone through that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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I replied above; to this I will say yes, that is almost exactly what you can say. You can say, “I’m sure you appreciate that coming back to work after a debilitating illness and while still having follow up appointments is hard. I’m not 100% physically, and while I’m eager to get back to normal with work, I will need an adjustment period to get back to full speed”. You need to do this for your physical and mental health. You’re beating yourself up for not being super human. If your friend were telling you this story, would you tell her she should be back to normal immediately and ready to work like an ox? Of course not. Be kind to yourself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:50 AM Flag
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Thank you. Thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:03 AM Flag
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You are not weak [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:21 AM Flag
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I am so sorry, you have to go through a lot. Americans prioritize work over social life, personal life health and everything. It’s not a good thing. There is noting writing with taking time out of your own life for yourself. No need to feel guilty about it. It’s your right and it’s important for you. Hugs ❤️ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:26 AM Flag
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Thank you! I now value quality of life versus quantity of unnecessary hours worked when I have 100+ hrs of sick time to use. What a shift of priorities! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:52 AM Flag
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Sending you hugs! cancer is a B**ch. You are a star for returning to work so soon after treatment and I hope that you have some supportive colleagues. Do not feel guilty. You are strong and a fighter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:30 AM Flag
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100% !!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:44 AM Flag
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Thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:52 AM Flag
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A friend of mine had to go through this and they were making her take personal time off for medical appointments which sounded inhumane. I hope your boss comes to his/her senses and realizes that you need time to recuperate and adjust. Be gentle on yourself, don't rush and leave guilt on the side. Just think that slowly adjusting while taking care of yourself will be better for the long run; in other words don't be a sprinter, be a marathon runner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:41 AM Flag
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^^ Also, even for that friend things got better and back to normal by time. Gie yourself time while being gentle and loving to yourself. Hugs to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:42 AM Flag
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I will remember this: be a marathoner not a sprinter. Really valuable advise. I was gone for two months and am still sick. It is unreasonable of me or anyone to expect that I would be back at full speed within the first week. I have to say though, I wasn’t expecting To be cognitively slower (just physically slower) and that is a hard thing to admit and deal with. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:56 AM Flag
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NP. Being sick has a cognitive effect, even if it's something routine. I was just sick with a stomach flu and fever and couldn't get anything done, just slept all day. Cancer is not routine, why would it be easier to handle cancer than something dumb like a stomach flu? I promise, unless you work with sociopaths, none of your colleagues are judging you, even if your boss is a clueless idiot. Just getting back to work is a win, there is no shame in taking it slow! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:05 AM Flag
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Hopefully you are not being judged by your boss and coworkers. You have a responsibility to take care of yourself and your health comes first. Keep working hard while you are there and eventually you'll look up and realize you've worked a full day and haven't thought about cancer one. BTDT. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:59 AM Flag
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My mother would say...You can recover from cancer and feel guilty or recover from cancer and feel grateful. Ignore your inner critic, [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:00 AM Flag
[ - ] Remember all those obsessive posts about ERBs for K 9 years ago?! Are those same parents the ones posting about ISEE now?! Maybe when our kids are in college, the schools will stop requiring ISEEs too! 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 12.11.19, 12:46 AM Flag
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My kid is this age and I’m picturing all the nutty parents in my ds’s class that are posting those crazy ISEE posts like loons [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:05 AM Flag
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99x3 ! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:13 AM Flag
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Thats ERB, buddy. Nine years have passed and w’re now talking about ISEE [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:33 AM Flag
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Lol. I remember those posts! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:42 AM Flag
[ - ] Any one have good news from ED? I know a few from schools with rolling, but pretty quiet otherwise. We are waiting for Friday. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:44 AM Flag
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Stanford [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:46 AM Flag
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outcome? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:36 AM Flag
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Accepted [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:17 AM Flag
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athlete? legacy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:13 AM Flag
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Nope. Still waiting; agree that it will probably be Friday. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:47 AM Flag
[ - ] Did anyone's DH improve for the better after divorcing? Mine has been such an ass for the past 8 years but is trying really hard for the past 3 weeks after I announced I was giving up and filing for divorce. I know people don't really change... but do they ever change? (I'm an incurable romantic and an idiot, I know) 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:34 AM Flag
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He hasn’t changed [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:49 AM Flag
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This! He just wants you to stay in this relationship. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:08 AM Flag
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OP: yeah I think so too, but the guilt! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:18 AM Flag
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It will be like that for awhile, but you have to remember every single day that abusive partners really don't change. And they are very good at behaving all nice when they feel you pull away, just to keep you in their grip. Do not fall for that. Read some books on Narcissism or Bipolar, even if that it's not his diagnosis, it helps understand the dynamic and why we fall for it. Good luck! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:03 AM Flag
[ - ] Explain pet allergies to me, I am not allergic and neither are my kids. There is a girl in my DD's class that has become a good friend with her and when I tried to setup a playdate with her mom she said the girl has severe pet allergy and cannot go to places that have pets. We have a cat, so playdates have to only happen at the girl's place, not ours. My DD really wants the girl to come over, but I don't want to be pushy. I was going to propose to lock the cat up in my room and vacuum DD room with a HEPA filter vacuum. I was reading about it and it seems like people who do have severe allergy have a reaction even if they come in contact with a person who had been in a company of a cat, because cat dander clings to clothing. If the girl had such bad allergies then she would not be able to sit next to my DD in a classroom or hang out with her for extended time. Does it mean that her allergy is actually manageable and her mom just doesn't want to take risks or maybe doesn't want to schlep her DD to other people's homes? If you or anyone you know have severe allergies what do you do when you have to go to places with pets or be in proximity to people who have them? 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:45 PM Flag
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Why are you so invested in making this happen? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:52 PM Flag
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Because OP is allergic to not being an ass. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:02 AM Flag
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But she is an ass. Other girl's mom said no and told her why. Now she wants to negotiate, vacuum with HEPA, put cat in another room. Why can't she accept the other mom's answer? Oh, cuz her DD WANTS this to happen. So the other mom must be lying. Seriously? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:07 AM Flag
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PP: yes, my point is OP is an asshole. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:31 AM Flag
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There are gradations in severity of allergies. The cats dander isn’t just on your floors. It’s all over your house, including furniture and clothes. Both my husband and I are allergic to cats. We can hang out with people who own them, but not in their houses even if they clean and put the cat in another room [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:57 PM Flag
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This is me. It is also in your carpets and basically impossible. I can react when a dog rubs against my clothes and leaves hair on me an hour later. So annoying. My dad had them too, and would suffer to go to my mom's best friend's house with cats. He would take antihistamines and still be a mess when they got home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:41 AM Flag
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me too. I get hives, red eyes and terrible itching. if people bathed their cats frequently, it wouldn't happen, but nobody does this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:52 AM Flag
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Pet allergies can be serious and even if you lock up your cat there will be hair all over the apartment so best for her friend to avoid. My DD doesnt have pet allergies but her best friend cant come over because we have a cat. I totally get it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:58 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:02 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:46 AM Flag
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My DD has severe allergies to animal dander, particularly dogs. She did have bad reactions from time to time in preschool, presumably from hugging a kid with dander in their clothes. It is real, but with that said, I think the mom will at some point have to lighten up the restrictions. We have to give DD a Claritin if she will be going to someone’s house where they have pets. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:59 PM Flag
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I am highly allergic to cats. Even if the cat leaves your home , I will still have an allergic reaction due to all the pet dander or hair in the home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:01 AM Flag
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Stop being a bitch and let them manage it they way they choose to manage it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:02 AM Flag
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My niece has to take allergy medicine if she’s going to set foot in our house (dog) or anyone’s house with a pet. Even then she will break out in hives and her eyes will get puffy/itchy/watery if she touches a pet then her face. Sometimes (major holidays) it’s worth it to medicate and take the risk but allergy meds usually have side effects so I get not wanting to take them all the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:04 AM Flag
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I developed tolerances to my own cats but I can’t go over to my friend and neighbor’s place without being on Zyrtec. Doesn’t matter if the cats are locked up. It’s a miserable reaction. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:08 AM Flag
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I have bad fur allergies. It's not sitting next to in the room, it's the dander in the carpets, under the couch, on the wall, on the bed, in the dust, in the air, etc etc etc. Vacuuming is not really enough - but sitting next to in class with clean clothes is fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:10 AM Flag
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Same [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:13 AM Flag
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Don't push this OP. You need to work with your dd because, while it is normal for her to push for something she wants, it isn't normal for you, as the adult, to not shut it down. This is one of those times as a parent where you have to shut it down with your kid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:56 AM Flag
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And by shutting it down, I don't mean by throwing the other mom under the bus with things like ("well we could try the HEPA filter but her mom won't even try" or things like that. I mean, saying to your kid, if you were super allergic to something, do you think we would let you put your life in danger? Of course not! Your friend will get really, really sick, and I know you don't want that for her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:00 AM Flag
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Cat proteins are especially small, and because cats self-groom, their saliva, hair and dander can travel throughout the house. The entire house is essentially covered with allergen and the proteins are very stable. At school, there are likely people who live w cats, but they also likely have freshly washed clothes and frequently washed hair, so they are not coated in the allergens the way physical objects are (walls, curtains, bookcases, lampshades, furniture). The allergic reaction happens after a threshold has been reached, and it depends how allergic and how many allergens the child is exposed to. I would not risk it, as the host. If you want to host a playdate, consider an outing somewhere, like a museum, park, or indoor play space instead. One of my DCs has very severe allergies (goes into anaphylactic shock) and is allergic to so many things, but primarily one common food item, one animal, and two environmental ones. DC is on a lot of medication, has been to the hospital too many times, and cannot safely eat with others unless they really understand the severity of the allergy. I wouldn't push it or question it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:49 AM Flag
[ - ] If you had the option, would you move to Europe for a year or more with your company? It all sounds fantastic in theory, but in practice it sounds quite disruptive. Kids would have to change schools and might not be able to get back into the same school/program; would have to find a tenant for the house, etc. Logistics of taking pets and moving car, ... wwyd? 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:19 PM Flag
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Depends on if DH could get a leave as absence and still be able to back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:23 PM Flag
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Correction: still be able to come back to his position. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:25 PM Flag
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I am the sole provider for now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:37 PM Flag
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Yes but only for the right amount of money. Like 3-4 years NYC salary. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:59 PM Flag
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3-4 years NYC salary in 1 year? Who would pay you that amount in Europe? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:32 AM Flag
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In a heartbeat. It might be hard and present unique challenges, but the experience would be worth it, IMO. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:42 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:10 AM Flag
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Yes my dh and I lived in france for a year before kids and would love to do it again with kids. The hassle is worth it esp if there's an opportunity to learn a new language and culture. (My genes are 100% Iirish, english, and Scottish so those places don't interest me as much.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:10 AM Flag
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Yes, I think it would be a great experience for the kids, and for us as a family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:49 AM Flag
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I don’t think I would for only one year, it would have to be more like 3 or 4 in order to be worth it for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:17 AM Flag
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I would if my spouse was portable. But he isn't so I do month-long work trips. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:10 AM Flag
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What do you do for a living? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 02:38 AM Flag
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I have daydreamed about this scenario and thought it would be wonderful but it would be too disruptive especially for the kids. When I brought up the idea, the kids were totally against it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 03:48 AM Flag
[ - ] ***Help a lost and lonely pleb navigate the social mores of Manhattan living*** Hi all, I didn’t know where to turn in my personal life for this question, and this forum seems oddly like the only place to turn. I recently moved into a “20” apartment in a freshly minted 80/20 building in NYC that has a large number of staff. I understand it is standard practice for tenants in staffed buildings to tip around the holidays. However, I don’t have much money to spare, and can only really afford to give $10 to each of the staff. Would this be appreciated as a humble chip in the pile, or would I just offend the staff while outing myself as a penniless rube? Better to For additional context, this is a very large building, all rental afaik, and the “80” tenants are an odd mix – children of Chinese kleptocrats attending Parsons, nouveau riche finance bros, peppered with about a dozen recently and very bitterly divorced Skadden partners. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 12.10.19, 11:19 PM Flag
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You know an awful lot about the other tenants. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:27 PM Flag
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Painting with a broad brush here – maybe I'm wrong! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:58 PM Flag
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They know you are in the 20. Give what you can. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:34 PM Flag
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This. I have worked in many 80/20 buildings and the staff knows who is who. They won’t be expecting much so if you can afford $10 to each staff member they will definitely appreciate . [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:10 AM Flag
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I live in a low/middle income building and most don't give at all. $10 is good [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 01:27 AM Flag
[ - ] Going for an apartment. Bad credit. What can help me? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 10:35 PM Flag
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I'm a landlord in Brooklyn. Guarantor who is local, verifiable and who has good credit to co-sign the lease. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 10:48 PM Flag
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Hmm thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 10:54 PM Flag
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If you have the means, offer to pay the first two or three months of rent up front. YMMV, but I've known people who have had success with this approach. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:24 PM Flag
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Is this in nyc? If yes, landlords are no longer able to take more than one month rent upfront. New laws [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:38 PM Flag
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Yup, I had forgotten about the new laws. Be that as it may, I haven't had that many NYC landlords - particularly in the outer boroughs - who seemed particularly bound to the letter of the law, let alone empathy with other human beings. That's not exclusively a bad thing, such as in OP's case. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:47 PM Flag
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The big landlords will abide by it to avoid issues but I’m sure smaller landlords will still take rent upfront [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.19, 12:59 AM Flag
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Thank you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.19, 11:41 PM Flag
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