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[ - ] Want to get a $100 gift card for my assistant, who is criminally underpaid. Ok to do Anthropologie or best to do generic Visa gift card? What is more thoughtful, forcing her to treat herself to clothing of giving her $ she will probably spend on essentials? 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:06 PM Flag
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Generic [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:11 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:16 PM Flag
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+2 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:18 PM Flag
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generic, or store like Target where she could get practically anything [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:19 PM Flag
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Amazon. Anthropologie is way too specific [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:24 PM Flag
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np; only if you think she has prime to get free shipping. a shame to make her pay for shipping [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:41 PM Flag
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She may not have to pay for shipping. I don't have Prime and never pay for shipping. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:00 PM Flag
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Maybe you should give her a raise. Criminally underpaid? So you're a criminal? Fuck you and your capitalist guilt trip. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:26 PM Flag
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if its a big company its not the OP's fault. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:40 PM Flag
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It probably isn’t the OP’s choice... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:51 PM Flag
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OP: I wish I could! We work for a university and these things are totally out of my control. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:05 PM Flag
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Either Amazon or a Visa gift card. When I was young and underpaid I used gift cards for groceries and things I needed and it was so helpful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:52 PM Flag
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Definitely generic- maybe she needs to buy something for her kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:55 PM Flag
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I like gift cards from Target. A card from Starbucks is nice too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:57 PM Flag
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Cash. Twenty years as a secretary, so take my word for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:14 PM Flag
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Generic is best. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:06 PM Flag
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Forgot to mention she is ultra crunchy and I’m pretty sure she hates Amazon. Thanks all—will do Visa or cash. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:06 PM Flag
[ - ] Want to get a $100 gift card for my assistant, who is criminally underpaid. Ok to do Anthropologie or best to do generic Visa gift card? What is more thoughtful, forcing her to treat herself to clothing of giving her $ she will probably spend on essentials? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:05 PM Flag
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I would give the Visa gift card and let her spend it as she wishes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:24 PM Flag
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Do an amazon card--visa hard to use & charges fees. Anthro is not to everyone's taste, I love it but know some hate it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:28 PM Flag
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absolutely get her a Visa card. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:32 PM Flag
[ - ] Met what i thought seemed to be normal man who is a lawyer on Tinder. He has a foot fetish. I keep meeting weirdos! 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:01 PM Flag
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Maybe look other places than Tinder [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:03 PM Flag
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Ideas? They all seem bottom of the barrel. Tinder. Match. Bumble. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:21 PM Flag
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Those guys love to buy you shoes. Rethink it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:15 PM Flag
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Hehe. On a different note. Wouldn’t being into shoes and feet be ok? Does having a foot fetish also mean that they are kinky and or Bizzarre in other ways? I could tolerate a fellow wanting to and sucking my toes much more than having intercourse. Just my personal preference. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:29 PM Flag
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I don't see the problem, either. Some men like boobs, some like feet. Want to give me foot massages for your pleasure? I have no problem with that [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:47 PM Flag
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"a normal man who is a lawyer." Seriously? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:43 PM Flag
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exactly. has she never heard of autoadmit.com? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:58 PM Flag
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Lol. I used to work with a woman whose DH had one, I think. He used to insist that she get a pedicure like once a week. She complied--I would have been out the door. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:00 PM Flag
[ - ] DS is home sick, besides chicken soup what can i make? TIA 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:59 PM Flag
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buy ginger ale [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:02 PM Flag
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and saltine crackers [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:43 PM Flag
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You can do what my mom did, and make me wear my cousin's icky, heavy flannel pajamas. Made me look forward to getting well! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:03 PM Flag
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jello [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:16 PM Flag
[ - ] I am going to visit my 92-year-old cousin, actually my dad‘s cousin, who is at the very tail end of his fight with cancer. He only comes in and out of consciousness. Although, I know he is aware, I’m not sure of how I should talk to him, or what I should talk about. His deceased wife, our old happy days? I know that he can’t run the conversation. I know this will be the last time I will see him. It’s going to be very hard to maintain my composure. Forgive me. I recorded this while driving. Shame on me. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:58 PM Flag
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How about taking about a favorite memory of a time you shared together? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:09 PM Flag
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You don't even have to talk. Just sitting and keeping him company is great. When my grandmother was in hospice, I sang to her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:23 PM Flag
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OP:Wonderful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:26 PM Flag
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Sing : I'll be home for Christmas. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:40 PM Flag
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Distracted driving can kill you faster than cancer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:44 PM Flag
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What is he passionate about? A sports team? A favorite film? You could read to him about either from your phone. On my death bed I wouldn't mind having someone recount each pitch of the bottom of the 10th inning of Game 6 of the '86 World Series. How many pitches did Mookie face? Which ones did he foul off? What happened on the passed ball? (I know that Mitchell scored from third to tie the game but I never tire of seeing it or hearing about it.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:53 PM Flag
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Also, if he is a sports fan he would probably like to hear some of the radio calls from any major championships. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:00 PM Flag
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Just hold his hand. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:59 PM Flag
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I will never forget watching my husband's cousin with their grandmother at the end. It had been days. She was conscious but could not talk and was heavily medicated. Cousin picked up a Cooking Light, angled it toward grandma and started talking about the recipes. Added in context from family history. "This reminds me of Aunt Sue's lasagna, but with more spinach! I bet cousin Bobby would love it!" Gma loved it. Maybe pull up the younger kids Instagram pages and talk about what they are all up to as you scroll through and reminisce (out loud, on his behalf) as you do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:50 PM Flag
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^ reading to him about something he is passionate about would be good too! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:51 PM Flag
[ - ] Has anyone ever tried a "happy lamp" or know of anyone who has tried it and experienced benefits from it? Thanks! 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:44 PM Flag
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Snake oil. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:56 PM Flag
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I was thinking that too, but have you tried it? or just assuming that it's rubbish? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:12 PM Flag
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I use one and I really like it and I know it helps because I feel differently on weekends when I don't use it. I got it on Amazon for about 40-50. I use it for 15 minutes each morning while I'm checking email. I wake up and do it first thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:35 PM Flag
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Is that like a SAD lamp or something else? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:50 PM Flag
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My co-worker has one and says that it really helps. It looks like a massive ipad turned vertically. It is a bright shiny light. I just wanted another opinion. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:11 PM Flag
[ - ] My parents are coming to down from Christmas and want to take care of my kids for a few days afterwards. Where would you recommend my husband and I go to for a few days of rest and relaxation. My parents have only committed to two days so it needs to be somewhere we can drive from NYC. 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:35 PM Flag
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Gurney's in Mountauk [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:37 PM Flag
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Mohonk Mountain House [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:38 PM Flag
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Second Mohonk. Amazing in winter too. Ice skating, hot chocolate, very cozy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:40 PM Flag
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np Won’t there be a lot of families there? I recommend Friends Lake Inn in the Adirondacks. Cozy rooms, good food, jacuzzis and fireplaces, and no kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:16 PM Flag
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Hotel in Rittenhouse Square in Philly if you want urban. Orient Point or somewhere on LI if you want quiet? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:39 PM Flag
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I think I want quiet. Are there any places in the Berkshires? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:49 PM Flag
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I've never been, but I'm sure there are some great, beautiful places. The only thing that would make me hesitate is that that would be a long drive, especially if the weather is bad. LI, if you had to, you could always take the train.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:54 PM Flag
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Is money a concern? If not, Canyon Ranch. If yes, Buttermilk falls. I thought mohonk mountain house was shockingly unfun, personally. Not worth the big bucks. Canyon a ranch really is, especially if you like the idea of taking fitness classes, yoga, meditation, x country skiing, etc. oh there’s also Kripalu in Lennox. Buttermilk Falls is super-close by with a pool, solarium, farm, hiking, a romantic relaxing getaway much closer than berks and much cheaper. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:01 PM Flag
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what about Mayfare Hotel in CT? very quiet [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:02 PM Flag
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Three Village Inn, Stony Brook [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:56 PM Flag
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Deer Mountain. Tannersville NY. Romantic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:58 PM Flag
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Lol wow really? I’m from SB. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:02 PM Flag
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We loved New Hope. Adorable town, very nice places to stay. several amazing restaurants, especially loved Marsha Brown. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:09 PM Flag
[ - ] 16 month old DS is such a handful. Super active, never stops moving, wants what he wants, gets upset when he can't have his way, very stubborn at times. But at the same time, very happy/smiley and fun loving, likes to give kisses, very social and charming. Anybody have a DS like this and what was their personality like when they got older? He's a lot of fun but I am exhausted. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:35 PM Flag
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I had one like this. Recently someone pointed out that they had noticed on instagram that he is always at the center of any group photo, even when they were photos someone else had posted. Life of the party, makes friends wherever he goes. I'm an introvert so I've always found his open personality to be kind of fascinating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:38 PM Flag
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Yes, I’m now the exhausted mother of a 4.5 yo. He’s so much work because he never sits still but a lot of fun. Like your DS, he’s very social and charming. He’s a people person (I am not). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:38 PM Flag
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You just described 90% of young toddlers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:38 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:41 PM Flag
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OP: I guess. Just wondering does it ever ease up or will he always be like this?! I can't even fathom having a second DC at this point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:43 PM Flag
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His active disposition may last, your next one may also turn out to be content to sit and watch their brother and they'll occupy each other. You never know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:55 PM Flag
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Mine was like this at that age. Just seemed a little bit "more intense" than the other kids in her classes. Her highs were higher (unbridled enthusiasm for life) and her lows were lower (epic tantrums lasting an hour or more). Get a copy of "Raising Your Spirited Child" and see if you think dc falls into that category. It's full of helpful tips and advice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:30 PM Flag
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OP Thanks. How is she now? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:32 PM Flag
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3.5. She is incredibly smart and verbal and off the charts for her social skills, but still challenges us with almost everything in life from wearing a coat to trying new foods. She also wants to know why and how before she will agree to something. Everyone loves her at school, but she is a very high needs child at home. Wouldn't change her for the world though. SHe lights up a room when she's excited. Pregnant with number two and crossing my fingers for a little less intensity with this one [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:42 PM Flag
[ - ] Do you wear a black bra or a nude bra under a black sweater, t-shirt, dress, whatever? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:31 PM Flag
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nude [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:37 PM Flag
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My skin is dark so I wear black. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:00 PM Flag
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whichever is clean [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:01 PM Flag
[ - ] People have been posting photos on FB for Chanukah showing multiple lit menorahs in their homes. I grew up Jewish and we only had one. Is this a new thing? 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:13 PM Flag
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OP: I'm assuming its so each person or kid can light their own? Back in the day, we alternated nights. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:14 PM Flag
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csb [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:20 PM Flag
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Martha Stewart has 40 Christmas trees in her home. The age of excess.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:15 PM Flag
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40? If I had 40 Xmas trees in our apartment it would be a forest. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:24 PM Flag
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MArtha seems to have a number of properties and decorating/presenting perfection/ideal is her career. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:29 PM Flag
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^^^ of course she doesn't put them up herself or take them down [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:29 PM Flag
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Why on earth do you care [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:16 PM Flag
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Why don't you just ask the people on FB? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:17 PM Flag
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My kids make them in Hebrew school, and then we have family menorahs handed down on each side. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:24 PM Flag
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yes..its something about the last night of Hanukkah that you are supposed to light a lot of menorahs at once [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 04:14 AM Flag
[ - ] Can anyone recommend a good umbrella for tweens / late elementary school kids? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:11 PM Flag
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Just get the cheap collapsible ones that they can fit into a backpack or locker. Kids aren't good custodians of things like umbrellas, when they lose/break them they may as well be cheap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:19 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:24 PM Flag
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Oh, Thanks! Just bought the Repel. With some Amazon promotions it went from $22 each to $13! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:35 PM Flag
[ - ] My 10 yo DD is just not normal socially, and I’m not sure what to do about it. She is very introverted and has a hard time carrying on conversations with peers. She has failed to form real friendships with anyone (although if she’s asked about it, she says that she has friends and is friends with everyone). She also seems to have a generally negative attitude towards most kids and assume that they are criticizing her or saying bad things about her. We’ve tried counseling a few times and it doesn’t work, and it’s so hard to watch her go through this when I know that her peers are having play dates, going to parties and forming real bonds with one another. What can I do? 102 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:08 PM Flag
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it sounds like she is a true introvert and may not have any interest in freindships. Does she have even one friend/acquantance? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:10 PM Flag
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Op: sort of. She has one friendship that I’ve gone out of my way to foster, but she gets mad at the other girl all the time because she thinks the girl is criticizing her or trying to compete with her. (Meanwhile, I’m not sure this is really the case.) She has a very negative attitude towards this girl who is the closest thing she has to a friend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:13 PM Flag
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hmmm. wondering how to switch around the intense negativity? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:16 PM Flag
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Op: I try to play devil’s advocate a lot, and then DD just turns her anger on me and says that I’m taking the other person’s side. I am at a loss. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:18 PM Flag
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maybe find another counselor or specialist. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:23 PM Flag
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This is not being an introvert. Introvert means you need time alone to recharge. Extrovert means you recharge when you are with other people. I think what you are describing sounds a lot like autism. It is often missed in girls. I know someone whose dd was not dxed until 11. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:20 PM Flag
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^^^I think the first step is figuring out what you are dealing with, whatever it is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:21 PM Flag
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Op: thank you. What about the behavior makes you think it’s autism? I am curious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:31 PM Flag
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inability to read social cues, inability to have a conversation with same age peers, inability to see things from the other person's viewpoint in a conversation. (The stereotype of repetitive behaviors and not making eye contact are must less common in girls who have autism.) Whatever she has going on, knowing what it is will only help you and her. You will be able to say, I know that it feels like X is being mean to you, but remember that your brain works differently from other people's. X is not being mean to you. Being able to put a name to these differences will be very powerful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:43 PM Flag
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Op: thanks. How is autism usually treated? Can it get better? I don’t want DD to go through live with a “label” or feeling like there is something wrong with her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:45 PM Flag
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austism, adhd (like pp suggested below) any of these conditions, the sooner you and your dd know what it is, the more chance she has of learning the social skills she needs to have a happy life. I have kids with ADHD and they will have it forever. KNOWING their brains work differently is powerful and gives the ability to think about and find solutions for themselves, and to accept that they need some supports that other kids may not need. It also means that they don't internalize it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:52 PM Flag
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^^internalizing symptoms, as in, I'm stupid because work takes me longer than other kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:57 PM Flag
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ALSO if your dd has something, "I don’t want DD to go through live with a “label” or feeling like there is something wrong with her. " is a dangerous attitude and is worse for you to avoid finding out what is going on. If she has differences but she doesn't know WHY she will feel like something is wrong with her. IF she can put a name to them, it is much easier for kids and adults. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:05 PM Flag
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Op: this might be a silly concern, but I am worried about how a diagnosis would impact the rest of her life. Like, would she need to disclose this to her school or on college applications? Is it going to hold her back? She is an A+ student and very motivated in all of her classes and activities, and I wouldn’t want something like an autism diagnosis to hold her back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:18 PM Flag
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Of course not. They do not have to be disclosed. Holding ger back would be if you know something is up but you dont get her tested and get her treatment becaise you dont want her labeled. No one wants to hear that their child is different. But when you already KNOW something is different, putting your head in the sand to protect your kid is harmful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:37 PM Flag
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Op: thank you. I feel like I have tried so hard to create opportunities for friendships to form naturally, and after 10 years, I’m exhausted and ready to accept that it’s not going to happen without some professional help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:47 PM Flag
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I don't know if your dd has autism, but I do know that what you have described in this thread are beyond things that will work themselves out. They are red flags. My dh was very resistant to our older child being dxed and treated for ADHD at first. It was hard for him. I understand that you are worried about labels, but please don't. If you make getting the label a bad thing, then you are saying to your dd that there is something wrong with her. If you get her dxed, any treatments/support groups/whatever will be so much easier to target specifically to what is going on. Pp is right that social skills support treatment will be different. My kids have ADHD but they have none of these social symptoms that people are describing below. The support they need for ADHD is very different. The things that I have heard could be causing this neurological difference in your dd, for you to explore: extremely high IQ, high functioning autism, ADHD. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:58 PM Flag
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^^^ sorry, social skills support treatment will be similar [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:59 PM Flag
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What is also hard is that it is not unusual for kids to have two of these three things. A lot of girls are first dxed with ADHD and then later dxed with autism. Or ADHD and then high IQ, or high IQ and autism. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:08 PM Flag
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The way it's successfully treated is teaching little skills that others might pick up naturally, very explicitly (and positively), and practicing them. And, that's the solution whatever the cause - whether the inattention to social cues is from autism, ADHD, typical child focus on themself and their interests - is the same: It's breaking down the desired behavior into small micro-skills that can be learned, and practicing them independently. Once you've done that, adjusting the attitude/perspective to not think that "it's hopeless" - building an upbeat perspective. So try that social skills group; one-on-one sessions with a Board Certified Behavioral Analyst, probably the same person); and cultivate the positive "it's possible, you can do it, try this little thing today" feelings while giving her the skills to actually be able to do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:22 PM Flag
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Overall, I was very unpopular. My favorite friendships happened during my 20s. I'm still unpopular but I'm happy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:25 PM Flag
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What makes you say you are unpopular? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:21 PM Flag
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My kids were like this and are now older. I obsessed over their social life, working hard to facilitate it. And looking back, I'm not sure that my actions, while providing short-term results, were all that helpful in the long-term. If I would go back, I would work on providing them with as many opportunities for social interactions as possible (church, martial arts, scouts, family, neighbors) without all the more overt help. The bigger you make her life, the less any one thing will be a focus and the more opportunity she will have to work on her social persona. A personal sting is felt much less at 10 than at 15 or 20. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:27 PM Flag
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Op: she is involved in tons of activities - like, every day after school she is doing something. But there is the same dynamic in every community and activity - she sits off to the side and doesn’t really socialize with others. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:41 PM Flag
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Social anxiety? I would think it's only a problem if she is distressed by not having friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:27 PM Flag
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Op: it’s weird - on a day-to-day basis, she doesn’t complain, and in fact, she’s told me she would prefer to be at home reading (or even doing math problems) than hanging around with other kids. But then she will find out that there was a party she wasn’t invited to, and she’ll be upset about that. So she wants to be included but lacks the skills to make people decide to include her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:34 PM Flag
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I'm having similar issues with 12yo ds, although without the negativity towards other kids. It's really tough. DS has adhd and that may have something to do with it in our case. Stats are that 50% of adhd kids have trouble making and keeping friends. It's really sad. I try to compensate by spending a lot of time with ds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:29 PM Flag
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Op: I try to spend a lot of time with her as well, and if someone were to ask her, she would probably say that I am her best friend. Which isn’t necessarily the best thing. Adults generally find her mature and easy to talk to, and none of her teachers have picked up on any social issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:37 PM Flag
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+1. ADHD. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:59 PM Flag
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Op: my DD definitely doesn’t have ADHD though. If anything, she has possible OCD, as she is hyper focused and rigid and needs to stick to a routine/schedule. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:09 PM Flag
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These are traits that fall on the autism spectrum. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:42 PM Flag
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They're very closely related, and no one can ever say anyone "definitely" doesn't have ADHD or definitely does have ADHD. It's a spectrum that waxes and wanes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:19 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 12:38 AM Flag
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I would have her evaluated by a psychologist.This behavior is beyond being an introvert.Better to help her now before Middle School. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:30 PM Flag
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+1 my youngest dc is 10. They can see things from other people's viewpoints at that age. If your dd is not able to do that, and is misinterpreting other kids' actions, then get her help. This sounds like beyond just not having found her tribe. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:34 PM Flag
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That's an important issue to address, and thankfully, completely solvable! Therapy for her negative perspective was a good thought, but the underlying problem is that she's somewhat right in expecting these children to react poorly to her - because she doesn't yet have the little skills to get a good reaction. So before you try therapy, she needs one-on-one social skills coaching from a professional - someone who coaches her on very specific little interactions needed, and perspective needed, to build friendships. Try someone who runs a social skills playgroup (just search for 'social skills group girls nyc'). Frankly you probably want to start with that as well as a separate one-on-one session. Once she has some of these skills and some of this perspective, I like the idea of counseling for the negative attitude - specifically, CBD may be helpful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:51 PM Flag
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BTW does she understand there's a problem, and would she like to improve things? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:53 PM Flag
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Op: I’m honestly not sure she gets it. She complains when she finds out she wasn’t included in something, and when I try to discuss it with her, like “well maybe Susie could only invite 4 people to her party. Do you think that you socialize with other Susie more than the 4 girls she invited?” DD will get defensive and we can’t have a real, rational conversation about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:11 PM Flag
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^sorry,somehow the word “other” got moved - it was supposed to go after the 4... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:12 PM Flag
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One technique that may be helpful - tell her little stories about your experiences with similar challenges when you were young. Even if you have to make some of them up. What happened, how you felt, what you found out ("oh it was just because XYZ"), what you did, and how it helped or turned out better from the effort. Please do try that professional social skills coaching :-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:24 PM Flag
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You should get her help before puberty. Girls' social interactions get much more complicated from 11 on, and if she isn't getting it now then it will be even harder then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:08 PM Flag
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My dd is like this (age 13) and it's hard to watch. I am not sure what to do to help her other than trying to at least encourage some group type activities, but the work on one on one social relations are very challening for her with other kids. (She does better with her brother and her parents). I did take her to a therapist but dd insists she is happy as she is and doesn't want to have friends so it's hard to give her tools to help herself if she isn't willing to listen [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:29 PM Flag
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I will say dd was better at this when she was younger and middle school has really kicked her butt as far as these social skills goes. Hang in there! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:29 PM Flag
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Op: yup, this is so familiar. Her previous attempts at therapy have been unsuccessful because she won’t open up and tells the therapists she has a lot of friends and is really happy. And my DD also interacts completely differently with her siblings and parents than she does with other kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:38 PM Flag
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I actually spoke with her therapist a few times myself (I like the therapist a lot) and she did say that the skills your child is building with you, siblings, cousins, other "safe" people are beneficial and hopefully some of those social skills will transfer over to friends at some point. I wish I had more advice but I continue to push dd into some activities beyond school. BTW she loves going to sleepaway camp and finds it all a little easier -- prob b/c the counselors do help facilitate things and there is less pressure than there is during the school day, so perhaps sleepaway camp for your dd? Even a week or two might be fun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:55 PM Flag
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Sleepaway camp. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:17 PM Flag
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Terrible advice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 12:19 AM Flag
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Get her into things OUTSIDE SCHOOL. Something she'll enjoy and fun at. Anything she wants that helps her come out of her shell. She's got low self esteem and needs to see what she's capable of in order to feel good about herself. It ain't gonna happen at school. Some people just do not thrive at school. Get her into something creative or studious or with animals, horses. Something outside school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:43 PM Flag
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ITA school environment can be so rough -- who wants to sit with you at lunch, who will play with you at recess. It's hard for some awkward kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:56 PM Flag
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I was voted funniest in my school but damn, it was hard. School is brutal. All these people pretending to be something else to get accepted. It's just really fucking hard. It just is, and just because she is a weirdo doesn't mean she has autism. Maybe she sees through how fucking weird it all is to be jammed into rooms with these people you hardly know, when half of school is bullshit attendance and looking like you're doing something. Kids aren't always so nice. They're not kind. Just filling out papers is not intelligent. There's no discovery in school. I don't know, it's kind of like kid prison when it's bad. Whoo, who wants to be the leader of the hooligans? Forget about it. Get me a book to bury myself in. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:19 PM Flag
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^^^ or get me antidepressants which make me not give a fuck and crack people up [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:21 PM Flag
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lol... that vote was clearly onto something! ITA... school is brutal and school as it is now is a recent invention in the history of humankind. Not sure we were genetically programmed to attend school and do hours of homework. The people who run schools or are teachers must have loved school themselves unless they are masochists. So the little kids who don't fit the little mold are viewed as weirdos, their actions and behaviors are parsed like a sentence, and the educational support industrial complex with all the assessments and therapies has to step in to "fix" them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 11:02 PM Flag
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Wish more people examined it like this. Maybe something could be done to improve it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 09:11 AM Flag
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I am sorry but the person who is saying autism and adhd is not treatable other than therapy is not correct. It is due to a disfunctional immune system due to an infection. Adhd kids have too much ammonia for example - this has been documented. Many infections cause ammonia and other toxins to be excreted from the body that cause neurological problems b cause they are toxic. I got add in my 40s (previously excellent concentration) from Lyme and coinfections (which most drs don’t know how to test for because you need specialty labs and the traditional labs are not sensitive enough so you need a Lyme dr). It is slowly getting better with treatment. My dc also had a number of issues that had some traits of asd and definitely add and adhd and she is also better - she is ahead of me so almost completely better Look up biomedical interventions for autism. (They are actually the same as for Lyme and coinfections.). Therapy didn’t help my dc and certainly is not what I need as an adult. When kids grow out of things as people say it’s is their immune system maturing. I don’t know why more drs don’t know all of the above other than all medicine these days treats symptoms and not underlying causes. Look for for the infection whether Lyme or something else and if she has this she will get better once treated. Personally I think your daughter has Bartonella (cranky behavior, difficulty relating to others, not wanting to talk) which is a Lyme Coinfection so I personally would start there. And you can get it a million more ways than a tick bite. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:51 PM Flag
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I don't think anyone is saying they are not treatable except through therapy. They are saying how social skills therapy works. Yes, there are infections that can look like ADHD. It is very important that op takes this seriously and doesn't try to just sweep her dd's behavior under the rug. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:02 PM Flag
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Actually someone said to accept how her daughters brain works and to realize it needs supports. That says you were born this way. Nothing to do but try to get support to me. And that is not true of asd or adhd. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:48 PM Flag
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What do you think causes adhd if not infections since you say sometimes infections make it look like adhd? Adhd is a symptom. What is the cause other than infection? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:50 PM Flag
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If she has symptoms then she needs to be dxed and get treatment. If the dx is an infection that is making it look like she has autism, then get her help. If the dx is autism, then get her help. If the dx is ADHD, get her help. If the dx is an infection that causes ADHD like symptoms then get her help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:11 PM Flag
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OP, none of the above commercial has any scientific reality. best to ignore it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 09:49 PM Flag
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Our DD was like this until recently. Did not connect with same-age peers. Was evaluated for autism (negative) and ADHD (assessed as mildly ADHD at 8, which surprised me - I thought it was more some social anxiety as she knew she was being evaluated. Now 15 and she has no symptoms of ADHD). We did therapy and social skills. Nothing worked. The middle school years were really awful. She was shunned by her entire grade, bullied and became deeply depressed. Terrible low self-esteem. We kept going back and forth on pulling her out of school and potentially homeschooling her. She is now in a large high school and a completely new person, although she still battles low self-esteem and lives with the fear that her social life could collapse at any moment. There is still trauma from the middle school years and we are working through it. Looking back, what would I have done differently: 1. Put her in a pretty large public school system where she is more likely to find other quirky kids. Our DD was in a small private K-8 and once you are shot socially, there is nowhere to turn. There are also all these expectations of social skills and leadership, etc. that you would not have to the same extent in a large public school. There, you either automatically go to high school or if it is not automatic, your placement is based on grades only. In the private school system, the softer skills are taken into consideration. She probably had poor recommendations from teachers on that front and she did poorly in the high school placement process despite good grades and test scores. That was a major self-confidence blow in addition to everything else. 2. Once we knew that she didn't have ASD or anything major, we should have taken a step back on the issue of social skills training and interactions with peers. I think we over-focused on it and it only made her feel like she had a serious issue. School is a bit of an artificial environment where you are supposed to only socialize with your grade. It is not real life. In addition, there is now a strong focus on being popular, having playdates and parties, looking good on social media. When / where I was growing up, there was no money or time for such things, no social media - outside school, you spent time with your siblings, cousins or neighbors who were not necessarily the exact same age. DD's social skills were fine with us, her siblings, cousins, other adults or younger children (she loved reading to them). The issue was with peers. We should have just focused on her having lots of positive interactions with people of all ages outside of school instead of always trying to have playdates with classmates and "peers". 3. Cultivate her interests outside school and have her interact with people of all ages who have the same interests, not just the same age group. Instead of having her join art classes with kids the same age, we should have spent more time in the artist community as a whole, being involved in events, etc (she is now doing this and is getting along great with artists in their 20's or 60's). What happened in our case: she matured and went to a large high school where she found other slightly quirky kids. She is obviously not in the "popular girls" group but she has a small group of nice friends. We also don't focus on interactions with kids the same age. She does quite a bit of community service on week-ends. She now knows that in the adult world, you interact and work with folks who are more than 6 months older or younger than you and is just more relaxed and anxious about the whole thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:47 PM Flag
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Meant "less anxious" in my last sentence [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:49 PM Flag
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Op: Wow - thank you for this. I can really relate to what you are saying about being in a small K-8 private. This is where DD is, and it seems like they do totally reward social skills above everything else. DD is an exceptionally good student, yet the teachers don’t really seem to recognize/value this as they are more focused on the kids who are forming their own clubs and planning school-wide parties. Obviously, someone with DD’s social issues isn’t going to be able to do those things, but they don’t seem to recognize the things that she is good at. Large public isn’t an option for us given where we live, so I’m not sure what we would do (short of moving). But I do agree that a kid like my DD definitely doesn’t thrive in a small private school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:16 PM Flag
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small schools are very hard for kids who are quirky. The kids may be okay but 4th grade is when the kids really notice that the kids who are different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:22 PM Flag
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Op: yup - my DD is now in 5th and kids have definitely noticed that she is different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:24 PM Flag
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oh wow, 10 in 5th grade is young then. That is most likely adding to her challenges. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:32 PM Flag
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Op: yup - she may be the youngest kid in her grade. Academically she is very advanced and socially she is far behind, which is a tough combination. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 12:11 AM Flag
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?? Ten yrs. old is normal for 5th grade. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 02:39 AM Flag
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I was 9 starting 5th grade. Some districts in my state have a December 31st cutoff for turning 5 in K. I was shy in school, though I was a good student, I didn't really fit in during middle school. I found more friendships in HS through doing a sport and became friendly with girls in other grades who shared that common interest. The middle school years were tough because there were three main groups at my school. "Smart" kids - while I was just as good of a student as they were academically, these kids were cliquey, the parents all knew each other and orchestrated their social lives and activities and if you were not part of their group it was hard to break in. Most of them also played instruments in the school orchestra and I didn't, so they bonded over that. "Popular" kids - these kids were usually not the smart kids but the superficial kids who wore the latest clothing brands and thought they were better than everyone else (mean girls) their moms all looked an older version of the same sort of high maintenance girl. And then the "weird" kids, who were really just oddballs and socially weird. I didn't really feel compelled to associate with any of these groups because I felt like I had nothing in common with any of them, the cliquey-ness and pettiness common at that age turned me off, and I often did think they were talking about me because kids are so cliquey and snooty at that age that a lot of times, they ARE talking bad about other kids, especially ones who aren't part of the clique. There is a good chance HS might be better for your DD, especially a larger school - there are more activities where she can meet other kids who may have common interests, and parents will be hopefully be less involved with orchestrating the social activities. Also, friendship groups will shift in HS. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 04:24 AM Flag
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oof, I feel your pain. Now that our DD is in a large high school, I can see how detrimental the small environment (which frankly had a bit of a small-town mentality) was for her. If you didn't "fit in" for one reason or another, you were ostracized. Not to scare you, but 4th grade was OK, 5th grade not so hot, 6th grade bad and 7th / 8th truly awful. 9th grade is a new world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:45 PM Flag
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great advice, thank you! (not op) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 09:42 PM Flag
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You've posted about this before haven't you? First you posted that other kids didn't want to play with her because she was very competitive and serious, and you thought it was their issue. If that's right, and these issues have been going on a while and are not getting better, I think you may want to get an eval for HFA like others have suggested. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:35 PM Flag
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+1 sounds like high functioning autism [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:56 PM Flag
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Op: that might have been me, although I don’t remember thinking it was the other kids’ issue - I always knew DD was different from them, and as time has gone on, I’ve come to recognize her role in it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 12:10 AM Flag
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Did you post before about your DD being rude to the teacher when she was corrected for interrupting another student's presentation? Your DD thought someone else was talking, she corrected the other child and was chastised herself and then didn't back down when the teacher told her to hush, so then she was punished? Same kid? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:36 PM Flag
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was this your dd, OP? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:55 PM Flag
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Hi, OP again. No, this was not my DD. My DD is extremely polite to teachers and other students - she is quiet and almost meek at school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 12:09 AM Flag
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I was a total weirdo at this age and had very few friends. It got much worse in MS and started to get a lot better my junior year of HS. My son is equally a bit of a nutty weirdo now with few close friends. I have more friends than I can handle now and am constantly told how fun I am and how I can put anyone at ease. All those hard years of being an outsider really allowed me to learn to connect, somehow. While I know it's hard to watch DD suffering (and it's very hard for me to watch DS go through this too) I think it's so important to remember that not playing the popularity game correctly doesn't always correlate with a bigger issue. Good luck, just my two cents. We've had DS in a social skills group and it has helped a bit. Also therapy, which he seems to like. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:36 PM Flag
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Same here. My interests weren't the same as other girls, but once I hit graduate school I found a bunch of other weirdos. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:02 PM Flag
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ITA. I think there is much emphasis now on children being socially successful and popular. Not connecting with peers is viewed as pathological. It is one thing if you have problems with everybody in your world, but I don't get the huge emphasis on connections with same-age peers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:09 PM Flag
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This was me! The younger years of school were dreadful for me, middle school was also really tough, high school was a bit easier, college was great, and these days, as an adult, I have a great social life, lots of friends. Good luck to your DD. School doesn't last forever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:10 PM Flag
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Same here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:19 PM Flag
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I would agree w/this and not sure why everyone has to diagnosis these kids as having an 'issue' [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 01:14 AM Flag
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I have a quirky girl who doesnt fit in with her peers but she does have a few friends and is generally happy. If your dd has at least 2 close friends I would not worry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:47 PM Flag
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My 17yo DD wasn't exactly like yours - she didn't think people were criticizing her - but she didn't like hanging out with other kids when she was younger. She just ignored the playdates I invited over. She had a couple of close friendships but they took a long, long time to develop. She's perfectly happy now as a 17yo, in an academically rigorous high school where she is top of the class and really good across many subjects, organizes her social life around structured activities (math team, chamber music, etc). She doesn't have a close friend in the sense of sharing secrets, hopes, aspirations etc but she's perfectly happy. She just socializes differently. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:49 PM Flag
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NP: I just finished watching "The Notorious RBG" and some of her college classmates are quoted as saying that she was never a girly, girl in the sense of small talk and hours on the phone. I think we still have expectations of girls that they be social, even if that isn't their nature. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:01 PM Flag
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Sounds just like an introvert to me. Not autism. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 09:26 PM Flag
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This is not what an introvert is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 09:27 PM Flag
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introverts need alone time to recharge. They don't have problems with empathy, have negative feelings about their peers, or an inability to carry on a conversation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 09:28 PM Flag
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Could know what empathy is but just not choose to have any. And maybe the negative feelings are justified. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 09:36 PM Flag
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OP doesn't say that though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:03 PM Flag
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Agree. Hard to have empathy if the feedback you receive from others is negative or exclusionary. You can also develop social anxiety from these types of situations and lose self-confidence, which only makes things worse and makes it hard to carry on a conversation or cause you to say the wrong thing. I would not discount the impact of the small environment. You get labeled by both kids and teachers and it can be so hard to shake perceptions and change the situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:03 PM Flag
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small school is tough for kids who are different, but this seems like way beyond that and OP won't entertain the idea of moving her child. It is a sad situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:12 PM Flag
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not sure OP is against moving her kid, just trying to figure things out! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:13 PM Flag
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Let her be who she is. My mother wanted an extroverted, social child...and I always preferred to read and my own company. I had at most one good friend at any given time. I also wonder if you or your husband might be hypercritical of her (unknowingly) or speak hyper critically of other people in her presence. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:00 PM Flag
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This times a million - please heed this perspective. My 15 y/o DD was always mildly socially anxious and it escalated to unbelievable proportions over the past year. Some of it is nature but I also wish I had been the parent to the child I have, not the one I want to have. I will go to my grave feeling I failed her that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 05:39 AM Flag
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I really liked Child Mind when my DS was dealing with issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 01:05 AM Flag
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Not OP, but curious about Child Mind for something similar. Can you tell me more about ChildMind? Do you go for an evaluation, and did you find it accurate and useful? Can therapy or services be done elsewhere, if not a pharmacology treatment? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 02:19 AM Flag
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Very very expensive but excellent. That’s the word on the street about CM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 03:51 AM Flag
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Have her read that dale carnegie book about making friends - it really does teach people good habits to be likeable and what to stop doing that annoys others [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 03:21 AM Flag
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Maybe if you're older and less of an introvert but it doesn't work for the truly awkward and shy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 09:03 AM Flag
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Social skills class? Speak to the school principal regarding your concerns and look into programs being offered by the school district. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 03:46 AM Flag
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She's overly sensitive and defensive. My male boss will take offense to what I say about MY feelings about something thinking I'm criticizing him. He'll tell me I'm being aggressive when I repeat what I've said so he can understand what I said wasn't what he heard. It's fucking annoying and makes me not want to discuss anything with him, and we often talk about work and stuff outside of work, which he likes. Tell her it's not always about her. To listen to what people are actually saying rather than putting words in their mouths. She needs to work on her self perception, if she's thinking everyone is critical of her it's likely she's the one being critical/unhappy and projecting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 06:01 AM Flag
[ - ] hey what happened to the fake diversity post?? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:07 PM Flag
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I didn't see it but it sounds like something that would have turned trollish pretty quickly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:10 PM Flag
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It was a troll post but there were some pretty great retorts in there [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:13 PM Flag
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it was probably so full of troll posts that the mod just decided to delete the whole thread [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:24 PM Flag
[ - ] What holiday present are you giving to your house cleaner? Comes twice a month. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:00 PM Flag
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I would give $80-$100 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:02 PM Flag
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a weeks pay or two [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:26 PM Flag
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Same [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:02 PM Flag
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One and a half weeks pay and chocolates [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:32 PM Flag
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Cash money [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:31 PM Flag
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A new Swiffer! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:47 PM Flag
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$100 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:56 PM Flag
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zero. We are BROKE. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:01 PM Flag
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If you are too broke to give your cleaner a nominal end of year gift, you should not have a cleaner. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:40 PM Flag
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What a shithead thing to say. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:06 PM Flag
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One month's pay [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:13 PM Flag
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1 weeks pay & small gift. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:06 PM Flag
[ - ] DC didnt make Hunter Round 1, prepped. I am so upset. Not angry with DC at all, but keep thinking I'm not good enough as a parent, didn't read enough to DC, etc. I expected to be dinged in Round 2, but not Round 1, am freaking out DC is dumb. Talk some sense into me. 103 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:57 PM Flag
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Go buy a lotto ticket [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:59 PM Flag
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Is this fake? If not, chill, really, or you are in for years of absolutely unnecessary worry. While getting into Hunter MAY have some correlation with being smart, not getting into Hunter in no way means your dc is not smart. Please don't judge your dc based on these stupid outside criteria. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:44 PM Flag
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^sorry, meant this for the OP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:45 PM Flag
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all will be fine. there are a million different paths to a happy, successful, and meaningful life. your child will be fine, you are a good parent. i don't think the testing is meaningless, but it is a very, very limited snapshot of a particular moment. all will be fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:01 PM Flag
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This is so true, and I need to fully accept it. I'm just stuck in the NYC, high-achieving mentality. UGH. I would rather believe DC got rejected because it was obvious he was prepped :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:09 PM Flag
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Are you zoned for a good school? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:01 PM Flag
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A decent one that everyone in the 'hood goes to, yes. So in the end, the result would have been the same, but I'm so hung up on the fact that we couldn't make Round 1! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:06 PM Flag
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Are you a perfectionist? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:13 PM Flag
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yes. And it's not healthy, I know. The last thing I want to do is pass it down to DC. But it is how I see the world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:18 PM Flag
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You might try therapy. Being a perfectionist is a miserable way to live. You will always be disappointed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:29 PM Flag
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I already am, and heavily medicated. But you are right, perfectionism is miserable and I have to truly quit that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:40 PM Flag
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Majority of kids don't, what makes yours so special? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:04 PM Flag
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You may have just dodged a bullet. Hunter isn't for every one even very bright kids. Also, the cutoff moves from year to year so it's possible your DC might have made the cutoff last year. Are you zoned for a good elementary school? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:02 PM Flag
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Yes, our zoned school is fine. I'm scared that not making Round 1 = not smart..at all. I am just struggling with this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:07 PM Flag
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Why? Only 10-15% make Round 2 and the universe isnt the whole city- Manhattan only. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:22 PM Flag
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I know, but I kind of "expected" DC to be in that top percentile. Born and raised in Manhattan, so yes, I have the Manhattan-bubble mentality that I know is not real... but I cant help believing it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:25 PM Flag
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You should believe it. You are the perfect example of it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:48 PM Flag
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The kid is 4 years old, you should not have any expectations whatsoever at this point. It's about other factors beyond raw intelligence at this age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:59 PM Flag
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This. You are putting all of this on your four year old. I hope you haven't shared with her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:21 PM Flag
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Well, it's simply not true, telling you this as a parent with one kid who made the cut off and another one who did not. Judging your kid based on a test administered at age 4 is dumb. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:57 PM Flag
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This. Stop before he understands what’s happening. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:16 PM Flag
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you know that's crazy, right? at 4 years old these tests aren't' telling you a whole lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:20 PM Flag
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They changed their admission policy and they are mysterious about the process now. Don't feel bad, especially if you are not URM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:09 PM Flag
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Thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:20 PM Flag
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If and only if URM is even a factor, it only matters in R2 when they get to meet kids in person and see them. Testers only assign scores and not much else is available. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:03 PM Flag
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Not releasing the scores must now be a huge relief to all the non URM Manhattan moms trying to find excuses. How convenient. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:00 PM Flag
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It IS interesting why they did this though, isn’t it? Did they give a reason? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:35 PM Flag
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It must have caused Hunter admissions enough headaches when the scores were interpreted by parents or used to dispute interview eliminations that they decided less info is better. The test was developed for specific purpose not to be a generalized IQ test, they wanted it to be treated as such, used for Hunter internal purposes and nothing else. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:47 PM Flag
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Did they say all that? Or is that our conjecture? Did they issue an official statement about the change? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:19 PM Flag
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It's been discussed here before, there might be people on UB knowing those affiliated with the school. Also they officially say in their materials that the scores are only for internal use by Hunter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:35 PM Flag
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What makes more sense to YOU? Conspiracy theories about secret Affirmative action that Hunter testers are forced to participate in? Or the simple obvious fact that people have been reading into these scores for many years and this potentially caused issues for the school? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:37 PM Flag
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Neither makes sense to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:51 PM Flag
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then feel free to believe whatever you want to believe, whatever makes you feel better [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:28 PM Flag
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None of it makes me feel better OR worse. We live in Brooklyn and my kids go to a citywide. Not everything is about personal vendettas. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:17 PM Flag
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This was communicated during the Open House. It is not conjecture. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:42 PM Flag
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Np who went through this last year, I suspect they did it to avoid pita parent bnb who "just missed the cut off" and would call and pester AND those who got way above the cut off but weren't accepted in the end. By making it opaque, they made their lives easier [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:10 PM Flag
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When parents don't know the score they don't really have any way to dispute anything, they have no footing. They also keep the preschool evaluation secret, you can never see what your preschool said about your child, and it's a required piece of info for admission in R2. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:33 PM Flag
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You guys really need to let go of this whites and asians are now oppressed people when it comes to school admissions. This shit is getting old. Your child didn't make it. Get over it and stop trying to lessen the accomplishment of the kids who did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:41 PM Flag
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You "prepped," thereby violating the rules and you probably disqualified your DC. The psychologist flagged your DC and that's why he didn't make it to R2. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:10 PM Flag
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I'd be so much happier knowing this than just thinking DC didn't make the cutoff, period. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:19 PM Flag
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You prepped and your DC got dinged. End of story. You cheated him out of a chance to get in on his own merit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:13 PM Flag
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Your DC may or may not be dumb, but you are definitely dumb for prepping. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:13 PM Flag
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Yeah ok, like the majority of kids don't prep? Please. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:20 PM Flag
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They don't. I'm a Hunter parent and back when we applied, we signed a piece of paper saying that we didn't prep. Good life lesson to learn: follow the rules. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:37 PM Flag
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NP: a lot do prep [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:37 PM Flag
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Hunter parent here too. My MIL who is a speech pathologist told me there was no prep to be done. She said reading and engaging our child was the best thing we could do and that needed to start years before the test. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:45 PM Flag
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We didn’t. He got through. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:17 PM Flag
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Same. No prep. Don’t assume all do because you did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:18 PM Flag
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All the kids prep now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:07 PM Flag
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We did not prep - kid is at Hunter. Don't assume everyone is like you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:21 PM Flag
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We didn't prep for Hunter and didn't start G&T prepping until Hunter test was done, didn't want DC to have familiarity with any standardize test material to be disqualified. DC made it to R2, but didn't get in. I wish we knew how to prep for R2, I would totally do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 11:15 PM Flag
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is dc more math oriented than verbal? i found think SB favors verbal kids. in any case,2nd DS didn't qualify- now top of class at citywide- so no big deal. I think he is actually smarter than his brother was got a 151, but his strength is definitely math and at 4, he didn't have the breadth of knowledge (picture absurdities were a problem for him for some reason) to score high enough. Now after being in school, he has learned enough to do well across the board while still excelling in math. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:20 PM Flag
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This is so nice to hear - good for him. I am thinking that there's no way DC would score high enough on G&T test to get into a worthwhile program :(. But good for you, mama, you give me hope. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:24 PM Flag
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G&T test is something you can prepare for, most people do just that and that's how they get into these programs. G&T testing proctors are just like robots pointing to questions, they are not there to evaluate your kid and find out whether they should be disqualified due to prep like Hunter testers are supposed to do. Thus, there is rampant prep and very healthy prep industry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:53 PM Flag
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true- except my comment was about performance now that dc is in school. prep for the test doesn't affect that. also i have never understood the difference between preschools prepping (which they clearly do) and going to a daycare or something of that kind that doesn't prep and doing bright kids or doing it yourself. 4 years old don't know how to take tests unless they are taught. not sure why one place teaching them is superior to other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:14 PM Flag
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morally superior i mean [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:15 PM Flag
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The only morally superior choice on UB is to not prep at all [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:38 PM Flag
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but that's not actually an option as the preschools prep but doesn't just call it that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:16 PM Flag
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Public PreK prep? They do basic stuff, not G&T/Hunter prep. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:46 PM Flag
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NP. Thanks for this. This sounds like my 2nd DS as well, who did not make the cutoff. He is very good with numbers and puzzles but not as strong verbally. I hope, with time, he too will learn to excel across all areas, not just math. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:37 PM Flag
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+1, I had one kid who made the cut off, extremely verbal, another one didn't, more math oriented and had some speech issues early on. Both are doing equally well academically in district G&T. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:55 PM Flag
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yes-pp- DC #2 had speech issues- EI at 18 months for speech, still has IEP although we have probably hung on to it longer than it was actually justified. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:11 PM Flag
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DSs school is way better at teaching reading and writing than math anyway. They get the kids reading right away. In that environment, 2nd DS took to it and is now one of the top readers in his class- but didn't start until K. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:17 PM Flag
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Demographics are v important in the Hunter admissions process now. You didn't have much of a chance unless you are URM, as one of the posters above stated. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:39 PM Flag
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So you are insinuating that if you didn't check URM checkboxes on your application then your kid would be held to higher cutoff score? Do you have a proof of that, because this sounds like a serious accusation. There were those here saying they use R2 to select kids who look like visual diversity because they don't trust the checkboxes, their most important goal is to make the school look less white. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:44 PM Flag
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I know at least two white kids in my circle who made the cut off this year. And when we were doing interview last year (the first year scores were not released) the vast majority of kids were not visibly URM, it was predominantly white reflecting demographics of Manhattan's UES, which makes it hard to believe in different standards for score cut off. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:46 PM Flag
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This. My child is biracial and during our Round 2 appt we saw one other child that was not white or asian. One. When our friends went (they are asian) they saw ZERO. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:06 PM Flag
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How did you prep? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:46 PM Flag
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That's my question too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 07:34 PM Flag
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Mine bombed it miserably back in the days when they released the scores. Also didn't make it to G&T cut off. All this testing BS made me feel similar to what you are feeling, like DC is below average after hearing about this kid and that scoring 99 and getting at least to Hunter R2. Fast forward, DC is incredibly bright, academics are easy and later got into G&T district school out of genEd and not only DC is able to keep up with G&T kids, but is one of the top students. Some kids just accelerate later, but eventually get into the same place as highest scoring kids and then there is no difference. What I describe is not that uncommon and many enough kids are not even tested. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:50 PM Flag
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Your ego is wrapped up way too much in your child. You need to get a grip and grow up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:52 PM Flag
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This. Otherwise you will have a very very hard tedious road ahead. This is only K. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:03 PM Flag
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THanks, I need to understand this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:06 PM Flag
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You need to also understand that these tests are administered at age 4 when very very little can be foreseen about future child's academic success and when other factors often matter more than child's supposed genetic or acquired intelligence. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:15 PM Flag
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Try again for 7th in 6 years. Not a big deal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:57 PM Flag
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You're right. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:06 PM Flag
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This. And at that point it's based on more tangible abilities and real academic achievement. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:16 PM Flag
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The whole of NYC elementary school admissions is a painful and unfair process, partly because there aren't enough spots for the many talented children, so they have to choose them somehow. If this is the only unpleasant surprise you have, you'll be far ahead of others and far ahead of me. I've looked at the specifics of these tests and they are SO LIMITED in what they test and gauge. I've met many people who are smart in many different ways - usually unrelated to these puzzles or tests. Many children outscored my son on the G&T test for example, based on the handful of things they tested. It happens that he's brilliant and was six years ahead of grade level in both reading and math. But they were looking for recognition of certain farm animals. Ultimately he's in a good place. Frankly I feel that, if they really wanted a useful test, they'd focus on the capacity for focus and hard work. In any event, don't judge your child based on this test, which has very little meaning. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:06 PM Flag
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THANK YOU. So helpful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:07 PM Flag
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yes my son had trouble with the farm questions too. funniest thing i remember was pre-k daycare class was doing some prep for class and they asked the kids where horses lived. the kids said in the city because daycare was in midtown- near horse barns and they saw horses all of the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:20 PM Flag
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Don't.Read.Into.It. This is the reason Hunter is no longer releasing the scores, people misinterpret them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:24 PM Flag
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Stay positive for the G&T test. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:24 PM Flag
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I wrote a similar post years ago and I realize now just how dumb I was and how much of this was stupid peer pressure. All these tests ended up being completely wrong. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:26 PM Flag
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let's hope I am you in a few years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:53 PM Flag
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You very well may be. Don't beat yourself up and especially don't judge your child's intelligence based on stupid unnecessary tests at age 4, it means very little. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 01:38 AM Flag
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I thought getting dinged in R2 was worse. At that point. I thought my DC belonged there and it was harder to digest that a tester didn’t see my DC as I saw him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:08 PM Flag
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True. It was even worse when scores were released and parents with kids who got scores much higher than cut-off were deluded to think that their DCs are super special and in no way can be served by any other school other than Hunter or CW or TT privates. It's also another level of hurt later on when you set high expectations for your DC's academic performance and they fail to deliver and don't really jump grades or stand out too far above their GenEd peers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:57 PM Flag
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Testing taking by a 4 year old is a crapshoot. Back when privates required the ERB for K you could get results all over the place depending on nap schedules, having this sniffles, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:35 PM Flag
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Please. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:02 PM Flag
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You've got to realize now that your kid's life is separate from your life. As a parent, you do your best to make sure your kid knows they are loved. You give them that solid support that gives them confidence and the ability to find their path. But their successes and failures are their own, their path is their own. Who knows what it will look like? It's best to not even guess. Just offer love and support. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:07 PM Flag
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"Successes and failures" when it comes to 4 year olds, LOL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:18 PM Flag
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pp -Right, well that's kind of my point. Get comfortable distancing yourself from your child's results now. If you don't, holy hell you're going to drive yourself mental by the time middle school applications roll around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:09 PM Flag
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I have two kids. one made it to round 2 (didn't get in), one didn't. i don't think my parenting was appreciably different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:19 PM Flag
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Simply give DC a chance, a roadmap, support and love. All will fall into place in the long run. Your disappointment will manifest itself in unhealthy ways. Use that energy to provide him with opportunities within the scope of what is available and DC is capable of. Our DC1 made R2 years back and 99% on G&T. He attends a citywide G&T and is struggling for various reasons. Our DC2 didn’t make r2, went through 3 rounds of g&t testing before he even made the sibling cut off to join DC1 at the citywide g&t. He is now top of his class and scored 99% across the board. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:26 PM Flag
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Did you prep DC#2? Did you do anything different for DC1 vs DC2? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 06:48 PM Flag
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Didn’t prep for either for any portion of it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:35 PM Flag
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You've got to unclench. if you don't, you are in for a VERY long ride through parenthood. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:40 PM Flag
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I was a crap student till college, and then I found what I loved. A life isn't made by one school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 10:03 PM Flag
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the world needs ditch diggers too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 11:31 PM Flag
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Oh FFS, none of these kids whose parents even bothered to do this test are going to be ditch diggers. Most of them will end up in good schools regardless of this test. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 01:41 AM Flag
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There is very little evidence that parenting impacts intelligence or outcomes. Sure, malnutrition, abuse or over parenting can limit a child's potential. But for the vast majority of us we are just spectators. We also prepped. We also constantly take our children to wonderful activities. It would be great if this had some long term impact, but the overwhelming weight of scientific evidence is that it won't. Enjoy your kids. Try your best. But don't sweat it. Caring too much will ruin both your lives and help noone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 01:53 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 03:22 AM Flag
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Fatalist [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 10:06 AM Flag
[ - ] Any Mac users on whose laptop is stuck? How do you "reboot"? It's on Safari but keeps flashing "can't respond now". Is it toast? tia 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:50 PM Flag
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have you tried Force Quit on Safari? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:52 PM Flag
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Like press "option" "command" and "esc" keys at the same time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:53 PM Flag
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yeah, or click on the Apple icon in the upper left-hand corner of the screen and Force Quit will be one of the options [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:26 PM Flag
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np: this would be what I'd try first. If nothing else, hold down the power key as suggested below.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:56 PM Flag
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No -- thank you -- not in front of it now but I'll try that when I get home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:03 PM Flag
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Hold down the power key [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:53 PM Flag
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As in to turn it off? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:03 PM Flag
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this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:36 PM Flag
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Google it on your phone but I think you hold down power, control, and alt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:00 PM Flag
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ok thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:48 PM Flag
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I've never seen that message. I just get the rainbow spinny circle when I guess it's feeling overloaded. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:11 PM Flag
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I get that too. This came up after I was watching a movie on Amazon Prime so maybe it's because of that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:48 PM Flag
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Mine does that when it needs to do updates. I feel like it needs updates more than my old PC laptop. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.11.18, 05:15 AM Flag
[ - ] Has anybody noticed delays in USPS deliveries? I ordered things from Black Friday and Cyber Monday that still aren’t here. They’re from different stores. 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:40 PM Flag
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busiest time of yr. I'm sure they are backed up [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:44 PM Flag
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Holiday season plus winter weather is causing delays. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:45 PM Flag
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General Topics 12.10.18, 02:46 PM Flag
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General Topics 12.10.18, 02:48 PM Flag
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General Topics 12.10.18, 02:53 PM Flag
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General Topics 12.10.18, 03:13 PM Flag
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General Topics 12.10.18, 02:55 PM Flag
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General Topics 12.10.18, 03:02 PM Flag
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General Topics 12.10.18, 03:12 PM Flag
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General Topics 12.10.18, 03:11 PM Flag
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Yes! I just got something I ordered on 11/23! I have been tracking my items and they all sat “delivery exception. Rerouted to correct address.” This has never happened before. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:51 PM Flag
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Yes!! My holiday cards are caught in USPS purgatory, I'm freaking out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:53 PM Flag
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Yep, evrything has been delayed a day or 2. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:01 PM Flag
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I don't know if it was delayed, b ut I got a package delivered by USPS yesterday (Sunday). Didn't know they delivered on Sunday. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:07 PM Flag
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They do for AMZN. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:21 PM Flag
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I ordered stuff from a company on Nov. 13, I only just now got confirmation of shipment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:12 PM Flag
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This year is the worst I can remember [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:20 PM Flag
[ - ] I plan to adopt a cat from a shelter. When my DD12 and I visited the adoptable cats she interacted and and fell in love with one particular cat but frankly, I think the cat is sort of unattractive although the personality is fine. I want a cat that I will enjoy looking at. Call me shallow. Is this good reason to not adopt the cat? Will I learn to love the cat despite its looks, just as a mother loves her child as only a mother can? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:31 PM Flag
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you're not its mother though [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:41 PM Flag
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Personality makes even the ugliest pet (and person) beautiful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:42 PM Flag
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Trust...you want a good personality, sweet cat rather than a moody, bitchy pretty cat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:47 PM Flag
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You will love it. I see all sorts of unattractive dogs but their owners love them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:47 PM Flag
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I would advise against getting a pet, which is another living thing, if those are your conditions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:53 PM Flag
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+1, get a pretty stuffed animal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:06 PM Flag
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You just described all the people who go to the breeders to buy their pet because they have specific ideas of what it should look like and be like. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:07 PM Flag
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Yes. I adopted an "ugly" (though others have called her coloring/markings beautiful) cat who is often my favorite family member. Personality is everything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:54 PM Flag
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Just get TWO cats. They'll have each other when you're not home and everyone will be happy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:24 PM Flag
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^^^ and you'll be saving two lives. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:24 PM Flag
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YES! brilliant idea [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:27 PM Flag
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We got the kitten my ds loved. We both love the cat now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:46 PM Flag
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I've had a million cats, it's true that some are prettier than others, but I will always take a great personality first. Right now my favorite cat isn't much of a looker at all, while my prettiest one won't let you hold her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:58 PM Flag
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get the cat with the better personality. my fav cat had one eye and was always chubby, but was the sweetest thing ever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:17 PM Flag
[ - ] Stupid post but... I watch Busy Phillips talk show for first time. Olivia Munn was guest. I used to think she was cute but after the show ick. She uses potatoes to make her skin look great. Her face is so full of botox, fillers and her lips look like they were done the day before the show. I wish women would stop lying. It makes other women feel like something is wrong with them. 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:28 PM Flag
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which one? Busy or Olivia? I am guessing Olivia? did you see Jenna Dewan on the show? she looks amazing! and she is 38. wondering how she keeps her skin so young looking. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:29 PM Flag
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As of 38 is old. Hahaha. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:32 PM Flag
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of course it is not old. I'm older. but she looks like a baby! haha. poerfect skin etc [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:33 PM Flag
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OP: Olivia. BP is open about her botox. Which I appreciate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:37 PM Flag
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what does she say about it? she doesnt look too botoxed. maybe she amped it up for the show [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:40 PM Flag
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Potatoes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:42 PM Flag
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They have the BEST skin in Idaho. The women easily look 20 years younger than they are. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:47 PM Flag
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Having lived in N. Utah, I'm going to call foul on this statement. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 02:58 PM Flag
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Olivia Munn was on the daily show so I always thought highly of her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:04 PM Flag
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How is that show? I feel like it’s not going to last long. But I haven’t watched it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:04 PM Flag
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np I keep trying to like it but it is just ok. like when chelsea handler had her show, I was so excited to watch since it was so funny. this is just mildly entertaining and that is being generous [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:18 PM Flag
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I hate when women make women think they have something wrong with themselves, let me point out what's wrong with this woman's appearance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:04 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:21 PM Flag
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OP: It was in context BP commented on how great she looks and how she read on OM's social media about the potatoes. Conversation ensued. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:28 PM Flag
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I want to like Busy Phillips but there’s just something about her that I can’t... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 03:33 PM Flag
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yes! what is it??? I agree but cant put my finger on it. even back when she was on dawsons creek, she was so unlikable [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 04:07 PM Flag
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I don't like the show at all. I think it's for the young Kardashian audience. BP and most guests speak like Valley Girls. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 05:36 PM Flag
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good point! but Julia Roberts is pretty major and speaks eloquently . but I guess she is HUGE and appeals to everyone [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 12.10.18, 08:34 PM Flag
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