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[ - ] I never wanted kids when I was younger but decided to just go for it because I knew I didn’t want to be single and pretty much every guy I dated said they wanted kids so I have never even told dh I felt like this. I think I kind of regret it. Kids are 4 and 6 and it’s so much work, I just want more peace and quiet, I don’t really like disciplining and want more downtime. I’m not sure how happy I would have been without kids - I hated being single and finding a good guy who also didn’t want kids seemed impossible so I don’t know where I’m going with this. The decision regret post just triggered this 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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I understand. I am sure you love your kids, but I agree that the day to day is a trial (with fun times sprinkled in there). Things will change immensely as they get older, and then before you know it they are grown. I know it is a cliche, but you will see that it's true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:57 PM Flag
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What’s older? I see all these people posting about issues with 9 year olds/teens, etc. my dcs are not particularly difficult- seem fairly typical but 2 kids is just a lot [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:00 PM Flag
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np You should share your story on r/fencesitters. Most of the world refuses to believe there are people who regret having children in some ways and who might have been happier without them. You might help someone else make a more thoughtful decision. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:43 PM Flag
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it is pretty much over once they're in high school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:58 PM Flag
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np: um, no. big dcs, big issues. it goes on and on; you're NEVER done parenting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:06 PM Flag
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nnp: i think this is true. but you can also let go. i have with my dcs, 11 and 14. it's sad in a way but also much more freeing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 11:04 PM Flag
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The grass is always greener on the other side. If you hadn't had kids, you would have regretted it too. 4 and 6 are the dog years and are exhausting. The secret to life is that most moms feel this way some time, no matter how much they love their kids. It is the hardest job that people don't want to admit is hard. Find a group of moms you can relate to. Plus social media makes everyone seems SO HAPPY . Its all bullshit. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:59 PM Flag
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I have a ton of mom friends and new family friends and I have really enjoyed the social aspect of having kids. I was just triggered by the regret post and am sitting here wondering. This past weekend I was very frustrated with 6 year old for not behaving during dinner(getting up a bunch, not wanting to eat) and after he was asleep I started crying about how hard everything was. Dh told me that I was being silly, I needed to get a grip, and what do I expect - I wanted kids and that’s when I thought to myself well not really [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:03 PM Flag
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He would not be saying that if he had to deal with the constant interruptions, whining, meltdowns - day after day after day. Men have no clue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:08 PM Flag
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So true! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:19 PM Flag
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Everyone feels this way. Im sorry your DH wasn't supportive. It is hard work. Hang in there. You sound like you are doing a great job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:10 PM Flag
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Thank you! That’s very kind of you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:19 PM Flag
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Are you kidding four and six are the cuctrst. If you're not happy now you won't be happy ever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:24 PM Flag
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Cutest [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:24 PM Flag
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They may be cute but damn they were exhausting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:38 PM Flag
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This! To the entire post! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:53 PM Flag
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Hang in there - you are so close to it being so much easier. When the youngest is 7 or 8 you will get your life back and actually enjoy your kids and it will be so much better, I promise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:07 PM Flag
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No one likes disciplining. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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I know all kids aren't the same, but mine were so much out of my hair once they were in MS I missed their being around. Now they are in their early 20's and I barely see them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:22 PM Flag
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Hang in op! You are not alone in feeling this way. Motherhood is so damn hard and isolating. I often have moments when I feel this way but then a slobbery kiss or funny joke from dc will remind me that life is so much more fulfilling with them. Do you get any time to yourself or to travel with DH? This helps me a lot. Hugs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:56 PM Flag
[ - ] Right now outside my window: 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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Two people having what I think is a staring contest, group of about 12 friends gathered around them cheering them on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:46 PM Flag
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I think the staring contest has turned into a tournament [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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Teenaged boys are doing bike tricks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:51 PM Flag
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A drug deal going down [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:53 PM Flag
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Lots of chirping birds. Mom with a stroller walking by. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:57 PM Flag
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Neighbors walking dogs greet each other. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:01 PM Flag
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Sunny lawn and trees. Also chirping birds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:02 PM Flag
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Hundreds of people leaving work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:06 PM Flag
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My beautiful, expensive pool that no one in my family uses. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:11 PM Flag
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i'll come over and swim in your pool! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:14 PM Flag
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Please do! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:16 PM Flag
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the hudson river, barges, jetskis [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:15 PM Flag
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I'm high up, so no idea. (16th floor). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:22 PM Flag
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Horse paddock [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:36 PM Flag
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4 kids ages 4-12 climbing the Japanese maple in my front yard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:48 PM Flag
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Garbage truck going by, too fast. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:58 PM Flag
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Village green, northern New England [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:02 PM Flag
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Clear blue skies, the Sears Tower [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:07 PM Flag
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Weston Road. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:16 PM Flag
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The Mediterranean [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 11:09 PM Flag
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rain puddles drying on my Los Angeles terrace [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 11:33 PM Flag
[ - ] My friend says I need to give up Splenda and half & half in my coffee. But she puts canned whipped cream in her coffee. Is that healthier? 15 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:44 PM Flag
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half & half better than whipped cream. i don't know about splenda; I've heard that it's similar to rat poison. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:48 PM Flag
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Oh yikes. Good to know. Thanks .. any good artificial sweetener? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:48 PM Flag
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lol, someone just told me that once, i have no idea if it's true. personally i use stevia instead of artificial sweetener, although natural doesn't necessarily mean good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:59 PM Flag
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what exactly is stevia? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:15 PM Flag
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It's apparently herbal, not quite as sweet as sugar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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skip artificial. Do the agave syrup sweetener. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:25 PM Flag
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Im going to admit something sick. My dh left me a year ago and im jealous of widows because everyone is there to support them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:28 PM Flag
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Sorry. Wrong place. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:29 PM Flag
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Do people really have these conversations? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:00 PM Flag
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A teaspoon of half and half is OK, but what she's doing is nasty. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:01 PM Flag
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This! I would ditch Splenda and use half and half. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:03 PM Flag
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I'm now addicted to putting splenda in my coffee after yrs of forgoing fake sweetener. need to stop. I am scared of long term usage [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:16 PM Flag
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just use real sugar and half half. not fake stuff [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:25 PM Flag
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Me too. Because my morning coffee is sacred. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:57 PM Flag
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I used to take my coffee just like you, and then I did Whole30 which forced me to nix the sugar and creamer. It weaned me off needing any sweetener in the coffee. I still do cream (oh well) but leave our sugar/splenda/etc. No reason for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Update: On February 14, I decided to change my diet, and I have lost 41 pounds since then :) 21 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:53 PM Flag
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Wow, nice job!! What's your secret? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:54 PM Flag
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Coming to grips with the dysfunctional upbringing that's behind my eating disorder. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:35 PM Flag
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You are my hero. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:55 PM Flag
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Dayamn! Nicely done! Start weight and end weight? Want to tell us what changes you made? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:57 PM Flag
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Start weight - too high to say out loud. End weight - not there yet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:34 PM Flag
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Wow- excellent! Is it just a change in diet or other changes/exercise? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:00 PM Flag
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Diet, behaviors around food (still much room for improvement), recording foods eaten, cardio workouts (need to add strength), more "incidental" exercise (e.g. stairs instead of elevators), alcohol consumption down about 95%, 12 step program meetings 2-3x/week [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:37 PM Flag
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Lovely! May I ask if you are in OverEaters Anonymous? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:47 PM Flag
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Yes, OA and Adult Children of Alcoholics [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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In three months you lost 41 lbs? Wow. Very impressive. You must have so much more energy. Did you quit drinking? I ask because many people I know who used to drink a fair amount socially, lost a ton when they gave it up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:08 PM Flag
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Yep, 41 lbs in just over 3 months. I do have more energy, and my knees hurt less, but I still have far to go. I didn't quit drinking entirely, will still have a glass of wine if the situation calls for it, but cut back substantially. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:38 PM Flag
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how do you have the will power? I cant seem to control my eating [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:19 PM Flag
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I was really surprised to find that once I got used to a low carb, no refined sugar diet, hunger was much easier to manage. I don't get intensely, stressfully hungry ("hangry") the way I used to, because my blood sugar isn't all over the map. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:40 PM Flag
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Congrats!!!! That is great. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:54 PM Flag
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Happy for you. Im down 55 pounds over the last year. Bmi 30 to 22.5 now b5 pounds from my goal weight. However i fell like it has taken over my life. Any suggestions how to maintain thos without being obsessive? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:59 PM Flag
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I don't know, I'm not in maintenance yet, but I agree it can take over your life. I have decided that recording my daily food intake will be part of my life for the rest of my life, eve though there is part of me that thinks that is OTT. It may not be "obsessive" at all, but if it is a whole new way of being for you, it will take a lot of attention, and it may feel "obsessive" just because it is unnatural to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:09 PM Flag
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It is not just obsession with food but also about my body. Wanting to know what other people are thinking if i look good enough etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:18 PM Flag
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Congrats! I am green with envy. Nice work! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:44 PM Flag
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Thank you so much for posting -- I am really struggling with binging and your posts help me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:40 PM Flag
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Oh, my goodness, you're welcome. This sounds cliche, but it's true: recognizing that I truly did have disordered eating was the first step to recovery. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:55 PM Flag
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kudos to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 11:07 PM Flag
[ - ] Have you ever made a big decision and regretted it? How to move forward and stop procrastinating? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:49 PM Flag
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Yes. This is my problem exactly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:53 PM Flag
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what decision do you regret? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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lots of them. biggest is probably bailing on a promising career to try a career in academics when I was about 30. failed miserably, leading to depression and an alternate career I never really wanted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:42 PM Flag
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Like in a card game, accept the hand you were dealt and try to make the best of it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:56 PM Flag
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In cards, you can fold a losing hand and see what the next one holds. Not quite the same in life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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Hey Literal Mom, haven't seen you around in a week or so. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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LOL. I got blindsided by literal mom a few weeks back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:08 PM Flag
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I remember worrying that I would potentially regret a given decision. But if you think about all of the variables involved, do as much research as possible, think carefully about what is driving the decision then if things don't work out at least you know you did your best to consider all possible outcomes. I remember this thought process when I was dating someone in my late 20s, and deciding to stay in London to try to see if the relationship work or move back to NY. I chose to stay, because I needed to know I did my best. In the end the relationship didn't work out, but I looked back at it knowing why I had made that choice rather than wondering "what if" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:58 PM Flag
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a great perspective! you needed to explore the what if. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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OP: right. Even though I strongly suspected the relationship wouldn't work out. As long as you understand the reasoning behind it than I rationalized that later I wouldn't regret it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:48 PM Flag
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This is me! I decided to write a book, told everyone, hired a copy editor, and now am struggling to find the motivation to do the work. So I have no advice, but will be following! The procrastination is killing me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:33 PM Flag
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I heard a good tool for procrastination: Break the big project into a list of small steps or projects, and attack each one on the list. It gives you a sense of accomplishment, which gives you momentum - instead of feeling overwhelmed by the large task. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:05 PM Flag
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Thank you, that's how I'm trying to tackle it now. My editor is giving me one thing to work on each week, so I'm trying to forget about "the book" and just think of it as a small assignment of sorts. Hoping it helps. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:57 PM Flag
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I regret almost ALL my big decisions. It really has given me paralysis regarding future ones -- almost a PTSD-like feeling. No offense to people with real PTSD, but feeling I'll get it wrong makes me afraid to decide anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:59 PM Flag
[ - ] Mom of us junior dreading the college app process 25 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:44 PM Flag
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HS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:44 PM Flag
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Here's the thing: once they're in 11th or 12th grade, they have to take ownership of this process. This is their future and their decision. I think you can offer help and support, but you should not be taking the lead. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:57 PM Flag
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+1 - I left most of it to dd. The guidance office at her school was pretty helpful too. Wasn't too terribly painful for anyone, and she ended up at a school she was happy and did well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:59 PM Flag
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Do your best not to transmit your anxiety to your child. The particular college he or she attends is not the end of the world. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:03 PM Flag
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I do t really care where - I dread the pita essays. Too many. I dread fafsa. Too many interviews. Too many overnights. Such a ln intrusive time consuming process [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:08 PM Flag
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Unless your DC is First to College, much will seem familiar and much will have changed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:04 PM Flag
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deeeeeeeeeep [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:06 PM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:09 PM Flag
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You sound like a crazy 8 ball [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:08 PM Flag
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OR - well, presumably OP doesn't need to know how her DC should sign up for the SAT and how to tour campuses? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:15 PM Flag
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I’m op. I signed up for SAT with a pen and paper and did not tour colleges before applying. Applied to two. One state, one private. Got in both [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:26 PM Flag
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Good for you. I think my best advice is not to let the other parents make you crazy, and don't go on too many tours - they blend together. Go on tours for accepted students, because at this point the schools are trying to recruit your DC. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:30 PM Flag
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Right there with you. There should be a support group for us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:09 PM Flag
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I’d prefer dropping Common app [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:10 PM Flag
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We opted out. Our DD is going to attend a community college and live at home for at least a year. We'll see how she adjusts to college course work and take it from there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:11 PM Flag
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Older mom here. SO smart. I wish I'd saved the $60k for DD to fail one class and then need time off later. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:26 PM Flag
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PP: Thank you for saying that. My friends make me feel that I'm shortchanging her...but I suspect she's more interested in the social life of college than academics, and I want her to be able to handle both when she goes away. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:48 PM Flag
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My child would never in a million years stay home. Doubt will even go in state [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:27 PM Flag
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NP: That's great. I lived at home, finished college in 3 years with two majors, then went to grad school and graduated debt free. Different strokes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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Same here. There’s a cc about 10 miles away with the program that will get her where she needs to be to earn a living. She will probably end up making around 50-60K a year. We plan on putting the equivalent of what we originally saved for her college fund into a trust for her with regular annual distributions once we’re both gone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:40 PM Flag
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It's ugly. First time? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:26 PM Flag
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Yup [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:29 PM Flag
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My suggestion is to visit schools that are safeties or matches first. It opens up things if your dc can see herself or himself at SUNY Oneonta or Goucher. Also, don't talk about colleges at dinner time. Keep eating stress-free. Have your child do the Common Application essay over the summer and fine-tune it in the fall. Make sure you do the real FAFSA--with a .gov URL when it's available after October 1. You can use the FAFSA4caster to get a sense of possible aid and to get used to some of the questions: https://studentaid.ed.gov/sa/fafsa/estimate . You can also practice with this: https://studentaid.ed.gov/sa/sites/default/files/2019-20-fafsa-worksheet.pdf but remember it's just practice--you need to complete and submit the real one after October 1. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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Let me suggest: Ask about the percentage of graduates who are employed within 6 months of graduation. It will tell you something about the career services. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:50 PM Flag
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Nothing to dread. They have to write few essays and ask teachers for recommendations. Visiting colleges should be fun. Everyone gets in somewhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:08 PM Flag
[ - ] What are your favorite high in fiber foods? 25 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:27 PM Flag
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Beans, beans, the magical fruit... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:29 PM Flag
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Dried apricots and dried dates. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:30 PM Flag
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Grapefruit, avocado, Weetabix, figs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:33 PM Flag
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figs, kiwi, raisin bran [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:38 PM Flag
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I used to think raisin bran was healthy too, but read the ingredients: you're eating a heck of a lot of sugar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:40 PM Flag
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but it still "works" if you know what I mean [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:43 PM Flag
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Plain prunes "work" better, IME. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:43 PM Flag
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not for me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:47 PM Flag
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I find that prune juice works better than actual prunes. weird? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:49 PM Flag
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Some of that sugar is from the raisins. Dried fruit is very high in sugar. All I know is it keeps me regular in a way nothing else does. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:46 PM Flag
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Hey, that's cool. I lost some weight after cutting down on bread and cutting out dry cereal, just saying. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:48 PM Flag
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It tastes sweet, but that's largely because the water has been removed so it's more concentrated. As long as there's no added sugar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:50 PM Flag
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yeah there is something about the combo of the bran and the raisins that does the trick [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:51 PM Flag
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Pears [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:43 PM Flag
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good one [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:51 PM Flag
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Often when you're "irregular" it's because you're dehydrated (your body resorts to the colon for hydration). Three big glasses of water and *boom* [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:54 PM Flag
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I drink a ton of water. still have irregularity [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:36 PM Flag
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We’re Mexican, so we eat a lot of beans. Love them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:57 PM Flag
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baked potato [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:48 PM Flag
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ground flaxseed [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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Fruits I guess. Don't care for juice, but I could live on fruit. I'd be lost without my daily grapefruit! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:59 PM Flag
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Be careful with grapefruit's interaction with some drugs, if you take any prescriptions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:04 PM Flag
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^^^ also includes Allegra [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:06 PM Flag
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OR Thanks, I know! Doc wanted to put me on Lipitor last year but I refused for that reason. Eating less duck fat now and hoping for better results next exam. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 11:20 PM Flag
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Popcorn. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:53 PM Flag
[ - ] my friend's husband passed away of cancer this weekend and i'm just gutted - for her and for their 2 small kids, and of course for him and all that he will miss. they started a gofundme page that they don't want to put out on social media b/c they (especially he) hated it. i don't know why i'm sharing this other than to hope writing about it somewhere will help me release some of the depressive state i've been in since i found out. her email to close friends asked not to call her b/c she has no words. he was stage 4 for a while but i just really thought he'd beat it. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:25 PM Flag
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Remember the date. Give her a call next year. Everyone forgets :(. Send food or a card with gc. Over the next few months text I’m at grocery store - need milk? Offer to take the kids to activities. In a month or two force her to eat lunch with you even if you just bring McDonald’s to her house. Follow her lead listen. Be there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:33 PM Flag
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This is very helpful. Thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:44 PM Flag
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My pleasure. So sorry for the family. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:45 PM Flag
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set a reminder in your calendar every week on sunday evening to call her. sunday is a lonely time. so sad for her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:48 PM Flag
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Everyone was around for my mom after my dad passed while she was shell shocked. Six months later, a year later, she found it to be really difficult and lonely. People got on with their lives and just forgot about her. Try to remember to check in with her later when she is no longer in the numb state of planning services, etc but in the future. I like the suggestion from the pp about texting from the grocery store...little things like that can be really helpful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:38 PM Flag
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This is so true. That’s one thing my mother, as a cancer survivor, has always been conscious of. My family always has widows/widowers over for holidays. They often have their own children who can’t make every holiday. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:46 PM Flag
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I remember my mom being like this too. The ladies in her senior group came and brought , lunch, made tea, just hung around. But eventually they went back to there lives and my mom felt so bitter and abandoned. I think her fantasy was they would keep it up forever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:21 PM Flag
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Gutted... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:43 PM Flag
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My DF recently lost her husband to a heart attack. She said so many people sent food, sent flowers, visited on Sundays etc. What she really wanted was someone to be there in the downtime. Make dinner together on a Tuesday. Watch bad TV and drink a bottle of wine. In a few months book a weekend getaway for your families together. Hang out. That's what she wanted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:18 PM Flag
[ - ] For people married to big law partners or big law partners: How much do you/ does your spouse work? Do you have any time for a personal life? I am an associate and can't imagine living like this forever. When do you live your life? Even when I work 55 hours a week I feel like I am never home. 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:59 PM Flag
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Big law partner. Work a lot, never really not working even on vacation. I worked several hours last Saturday, on my birthday. Some time for personal life, in some ways much better as a partner in that I have more control but also more demands, responsibilities, stress. You just take time where you can find it. I work a lot in the evening and on weekends remotely, always checking e-mail and do a lot that way. One way to make it work is outsource as much as possible. Former nanny is now full-time housekeeper since DC are older, she handles basic groceries, dinner for DC, doctor visits if I'm not available, some might see that as extravagant but it's just a cost of doing business. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:06 PM Flag
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Hmm. Maybe I'm not cut out for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:10 PM Flag
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I get intellectual satisfaction from my job, and my family benefits enormously financially, so I find ways to deal with the stress, but it's definitely not for everyone. That's not a judgment of those who get out, one could argue that the smarter people get out sooner and those of us with less imagination or fewer options are the ones who stay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:15 PM Flag
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This was me (not big law) when I was working and traveling 60+ hours. Frankly, I love work so it wasn't a hardship, really. I've scaled back big time to prioritize family things but will go back again to it when the time is right. I outsourced a lot. Same, nanny became house keeper, ran all the errands, chauffeured the non driving teens to events/activities. It freed up my weekends to just hang out with family instead of five hours of errands. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:17 PM Flag
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Depends. I worked in big law when DD was younger (not as a partner but as senior attorney with my own cases, etc.). I had almost total control over my workload - we joined from another firm and brought our clients with us, so I wasn't at the mercy of any of the partners except those in my group. Having my own caseload gave me a lot of flexibility. I mean, the work was there and we did the work, but there was control over it in most cases. I then went to a public agency and while the hours are much less, the work is still there and I tend to have less flexibility simply we are accountable for our time (all of us have to punch a clock). Not complaining though. Love what I do and some weeks are hellish and other weeks are fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:19 PM Flag
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I'm managing partner of a large boutique firm and while I have a lot of flexibility, I am also always available to clients and my staff. My dh doesn't work, but that is a separate and unwanted bpne of contention. I agree with an earlier poster that some of us who stay for a long time in these high powered jobs do so because we may have less imagination or options. I've been thinking for a few years of making a change, but am at a loss as to what I would do that would be as professionally and financially rewarding, as well as flexible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:48 PM Flag
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I left BigLaw because it just wasn't for me, but my best friend stayed on and pretty much took herself off the partner track because she enjoys traveling and some free time. After 8 years she was promoted to Of Counsel and she is happy with that position, bc the partner hours (at her very well known firm) were intense. She does still work most days of the week, but is able to do some from home, and is able to take multiple vacations per year. So maybe go that route? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:52 PM Flag
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When I was having IVF implantation, my DH was working on a brief. He dropped me off at the hotel where we were staying, said "Order whatever you want" and went to the office. So, yeah, you work all the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:13 PM Flag
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What life? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:36 PM Flag
[ - ] DC is going to spend a week at his friend's house in the Catskills. First time. What is the protocol regarding expenses? I am sure they will take him to a lot of activities, outings. Also, thank you gift for the parents? 25 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:38 PM Flag
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Give dc a prepaid card for $500 .. and get the parents 2 restaurant gift cards for the area and a good case of wine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:49 PM Flag
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Wait, is this kid 10 or 15? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:55 PM Flag
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So $1K worth of gifts? Really? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:57 PM Flag
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A little much [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:18 PM Flag
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Np the $500 is so the guest kid can pay his way [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:18 PM Flag
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NNP: I wouldn't expect a kid to pay his/her way if we invited them. Sure, if they want to bring along some random spending money, but I wouldn't ask if I didn't think I could cover. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:43 PM Flag
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This. I would never invite a friend of DC and expect them to pay for food and activities, just whatever they wanted beyond that like souvenirs, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:57 PM Flag
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Right. Food and wine for parents [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:44 PM Flag
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No this is insane and would actually make me totally uncomfortable as the host [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:01 PM Flag
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oh yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:47 PM Flag
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Way OTT. Some spending money ~$100 and a small gift is ok. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:47 PM Flag
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Are you kidding me? They're not ADOPTING the kid for christ's sake. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:01 PM Flag
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Are the Catskills the new Hamptons? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:51 PM Flag
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lol! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:54 PM Flag
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You're out of your mind. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:55 PM Flag
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Host should pay for everything but your dc should also have spending money just in case. I don't expect my kids' friends bring things, although one kid did come with an Xbox or Playstation gift card (I forget which) which let them buy things in their games. Gems or something, I don't know. If money was going to be wasted, that was actually a nice gift. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:49 PM Flag
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A week is a long time. He should bring money, they will likely refuse but he should offer to pay for himself, and at the least take the family out to dinner or ice cream or cover one activity. I would send him with a gift of food - pastries/banana bread, nice chocolates/cookies for dessert, maybe salami/cheese/crackers/olives etc. Send a few bottles of wine after as a thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:53 PM Flag
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He should bring money, and the host parents should refuse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:55 PM Flag
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Definitely get DC the prepaid card in the amount suggested, and then tell the hosts "Please let me know if he ran out of money and I will paypal you the overage". I understand a few bucks over like mini-golf fee, but many things are pricey such as horseback riding. In terms of eating out, I would also encourage DC to ask for a separate check, but I would not expect to contribute monetarily to the meals eaten at home. And, definitely send a nice basket of food! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:56 PM Flag
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Do not encourage separate checks. He should offer to contribute or offer the parents cash, but they will likely refuse. Send him with a few hundred dollars in spending money and a gift of food. If you can find out where they are eating one night, you can call the restaurant and cover the family's bill. Then after, you can send a couple of bottles of wine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:03 PM Flag
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When we've been in this situation, we never took anything. Parents would give me cash for child in case they wanted specific souvenirs or special treats, and I would give child cash for those things, but never expected them to pay for meals, lodging or even activities that we were already doing. Didn't expect anything as thank you, but a couple parents gave restaurant gift cards (which was very nice). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:56 PM Flag
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We take DD's friend every year for a week vacation at beach in summer. Her parents give her $100 so she can buy herself stuff, treat our DD to an ice cream. We pay for everything else. They usually give us a bottle of wine as a thank-you, but totally not necessary. Having a friend along makes DD's vacation much more fun - lots of older family members around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:26 PM Flag
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I agree with this. I would certainly appreciate a bottle of wine, but I still think it's unnecessary and do not expect anything but a thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:00 PM Flag
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Thanks everyone! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:04 PM Flag
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No prob! Enjoy the quiet! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:05 PM Flag
[ - ] Gift suggestions? My teen got invited last minute to go away w/a friend's family for the weekend, and they are insisting on paying for air travel. I'd like to get them a thank-you gift, but obviously am not sending something on the plane with them. Thoughts? Thank you! 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:34 PM Flag
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Send wine to home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:54 PM Flag
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This. Or a really nice fruit basket (I love Manhattan Fruitier) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:01 PM Flag
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A gift card to a nice restaurant at the location. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:56 PM Flag
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What if they don’t want to dine there? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:48 PM Flag
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Is DC old enough to text you "Hey, we're at X restaurant" and then you could call over to the restaurant and arrange to pay the bill? Or at least send over a bottle of wine for the parents. If not, give them a nice bottle of wine and local restaurant GC to somewhere you know they like. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:14 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone ever use Invisalign or Smile Direct? College DD has bad overbite and some crowding issues. We messed up on getting her braces at the right age and want to help her now, but she’s very hesitant to start a career with metal braces. 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:34 PM Flag
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Will she be responsible enough for Invisalign? They are a PITA. Maybe she can wait until she gets a job and then do traditional braces? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:35 PM Flag
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I think she will be. She’s been feeling very insecure about her teeth recently and is a smart girl. She knows they’re expensive and the only time we’ll be paying for them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:37 PM Flag
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You need to seriously talk to her. They are expensive and she needs to be vigilant about wearing them and brushing every time she eats or drinks something different than water. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:39 PM Flag
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That is good to know - thank you! Will discuss this with her more and find ways to hold her accountable for them if we decide to proceed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:40 PM Flag
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i have invisalign now. no brainer! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:59 PM Flag
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I have invisalign at 45 and I love it. There are days where I take it out longer than I should bc of work meeting lunches/dinners. I am to switch to new pack each week but will keep in current one for a few extra days since on weeks where I wasn't as vigilant as I like bc of long meals. If you're DD is a compliant person and pretty disciplined, this is the way to go. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:11 PM Flag
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i had braces last year at 44. invisalign will take twice as long and they are hard to wear 22 hours per day. something is better than nothing [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:27 PM Flag
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A bad overbite will not be solved with invisilign. They may need a night brace and spacers etc. I'd go the regular orthodontic route. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:26 PM Flag
[ - ] I am very fortunate that I got married and had kids before age 35. So many people postpone marriage and having kids thinking that they will be forever young. It's great when people easily get pregnant at 40, but in my case I became infertile at 38 due to illness. 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:24 PM Flag
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That's great for you. But I disagree that so many people postpone it thinking they'll be forever young. All my friends who had kids later weren't lucky enough to find partners earlier. I also know a ton of women who would have preferred to marry their partners way earlier, but the men all dragged their feet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:30 PM Flag
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Many people are not seriously looking and peter away years with men they would never marry or who wouldn't marry them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:44 PM Flag
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So put it on a plaque and march down Broadway. Tell the world, not the moms of UB. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:48 PM Flag
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This is actually not true at all. You must not have had any single female friends in your 20s and 30s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:04 PM Flag
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random [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:30 PM Flag
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Kind of a mean spirited post, no? Most women don’t want to wait until 40 to get married and have kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:32 PM Flag
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This. It's not usually by choice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:33 PM Flag
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Self congratulatory at best. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:35 PM Flag
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Smug actually [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:58 PM Flag
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This. OP is arrogant. Do you think I didn't want to get married at 26 like the rest of my peers? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:01 PM Flag
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I got married at 25 and didn't have DD until 42. It wasn't because I thought I'd be young forever, it's just that we were on the fence for a long time. Yes, I was fortunate to get pregnant at 42, but having kids wasn't a top priority for us, we just let it happen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:32 PM Flag
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Why were you on the fence? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:44 PM Flag
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Never had a burning desire to have kids. We were happy with the status quo. Love DD very much and glad we had her, but it wasn't a goal, just a wonderful addition to our lives. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:55 PM Flag
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And there are those of us who would have suffered from infertility at any age but weren't aware. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:41 PM Flag
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There is no perfect time to have kids. If you get to later on, whether your fertility lasts, you use IVF or through adoption, you may be more established and have had time to pursue your career, mature, enjoy your relationship, save money. If you have a DC earlier, you may have more health and energy. Perhaps it's OP's tone, but I agree it is easy to forget about time when you live in certain places, such as NYC. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:58 PM Flag
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CSB [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:50 PM Flag
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Are you the same smug jerk who posted something similar yesterday? Enough already. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:04 PM Flag
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I hate these smug posts. Minimizing choices of other women because they are different from the one op made. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:01 PM Flag
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I wish I had started earlier. I had my first as 38 but couldn't have a successful pregnancy after that. I had been with my dh for 6 years but he was not established in his career (still in school) so it didn't feel safe (in fact it never even occurred to me). But I guess maybe I wish I had tried harder to have a #2 or #3. Maybe done IVF. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:12 PM Flag
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Thanks. 40 yo here, married at 38, currently TTC and got my period today. I don't consider you fortunate. After all, you felt the need to post this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:57 PM Flag
[ - ] Who is your “favorite” real housewife and why? 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:20 PM Flag
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My problem is that the ones I like the least, I frequently like to watch the most [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:21 PM Flag
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Bethenny hands down. She's not perfect but she's so NYC. Great style, razor sharp wit and funny as hell. Second would be LVP. Smart, funny and glamorous. Plus, swans and ponies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:24 PM Flag
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+1 on Bethenny. I love her. But I totally disagree on LVP. I think she's pretty evil. She'll never take personal responsibility for anything. She thinks she's not a shit stirrer, but she 100% is. I'm so glad she's finally getting some blowback. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:28 PM Flag
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Oh please, they are all full of crap. LVP is by far the funniest, and I think they resent her success. This entire dog issue is madness - if my "friends" talked about me like they do I would cut them out of my life as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:35 PM Flag
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this and this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:34 PM Flag
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Sorry, Bethenny is not NYC, she is certain type of New Yorker, the most hideous kind of all. She's a total embarrassment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:45 PM Flag
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She is a total hustler, a self made success, and actually gives back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:56 PM Flag
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You're completely wrong. Bethenny is everything about NYC, I can't think of anyone who epitomizes everything about it more than she does. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:58 PM Flag
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Everyone look, apparently Madonna is here [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:01 PM Flag
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Does Madonna dislike Bethany ? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:02 PM Flag
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+1 on Bethenny, although I don't think we'd be friends in real life [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:06 PM Flag
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LVP is a covert narcissist. I think all of her good deeds are to control the narrative of what a kind, generous and thoughtful person she is. I find her to be self absorbed and not loyal. She has a strong queen bee vibe and if you don’t fall in line to meet her expectations, she will drop you. She also has a very nasty, mean streak which is very telling about her character. Did you catch that comment she made about Ericka tucking it under? I could go on and on, but you get the gist of it. I do love Bethany. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:54 PM Flag
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100%. LVP sucks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:34 PM Flag
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Bethany. Funny thing, I’m actually from BH but have lived in NYC for 15 years. The NYC housewives are pretty relatable to me, like someone I might’ve friends with, where as the BH ladies seem almost like aliens. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:33 PM Flag
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I also love Sonja. She's hilarious. And Tinsley's ok. Dorinda is a mean drunk and Luann is just delusional. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:36 PM Flag
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Luann needs to get the F over herself already. And Dorinda is the one who should be in rehab. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:38 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:43 PM Flag
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Sonja has definitely grown on me over the years. She's hilarious. Doesn't take herself too seriously and has a good heart. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:04 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:13 PM Flag
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Luann is over confident. She’s thinks she’s real special, but she’s not. Agree with the delusional part. She’s very petty too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:56 PM Flag
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Bethenny. She is the realest by far. Smart, tough, hilarious, gives back, self made millionaire unlike most of them. She's the only one I admire. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:44 PM Flag
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Love Bethany. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:14 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone btdt with 9 yr old ds who is well behaved outside of school and all other activities, polite and can focus ( chess player) but constantly is in trouble at school? I don't know what to do to get the behavior to stop/help him. We've done punishments/counseling/rational talks/adjusting diet/adjusting exercise schedule...I am at a loss and feeling totally defeated. 50 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:09 PM Flag
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A problem his whole life or just this year or just past few months? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:11 PM Flag
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Just this year. I never thought in a million years he would ever get sent to the principal's office. Now its a weekly, sometimes daily event. He gets upset or frustrated and walks out of class. Then he gets in trouble and it snowballs from there into yelling or telling someone off and gets sent to the principal where he denies the facts until she wears him down going over what happened. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:17 PM Flag
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It’s thexteacher or another student. Don’t worry too much. See if you can figure it out in our case it was the teacher. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:25 PM Flag
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His teacher is very young and has been out a lot due to planning her wedding. When the substitute had been there, he hasn't had any problems other than a few reminders not to chit-chat in class. I don't think much of his regular teacher as she sends home worksheets with not comments, marks or in a few cases marked things as correct that were incorrect ( math problems, like 7x4). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:33 PM Flag
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Is there another teacher teaching this grade at your school? Is she a credentialed teacher? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:35 PM Flag
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If there is another teacher teaching this grade at his school, an that teacher has better classroom management skills, I would ask that he be send to that classroom with his work today when he is not able to stay in his classroom. I am thinking this is a private school because of the BS about the principal arguing with him about what he did. That isn't helping anything and he is losing instructional minutes. It makes me think this is a private school because I couldn't see that happening so often at a public school. The school would have already come up with a plan so that he was being sent out of the classroom to another room or to the office with his work to do it there. If your ds is fine with the sub then that is VERY interesting info. Usually kids who are acting out at school with so many anger like you are describing are even worse when there are subs. I think this is a teacher problem. What are your options for the rest of this school year? Can you have them create packets and have him work on them at home for the rest of the school year? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:39 PM Flag
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In light of this, can you and your dh take off one full day each and each of you go one day on your own and be there at school with him all day to observe? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:41 PM Flag
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We have gone in for lunch, sit with him and his buddies, talk, make sure things are going well. I guess I could be in class for a day to observe but we only have a few weeks left.. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:57 PM Flag
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I think you have your answer. He just needs to get through the year, and fresh start next year. I would still, however, get the ADHD eval just in case. You don't even have to tell the school you are doing it. My guess is the teacher is picking on him, singling him out, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:35 PM Flag
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Thank you. I think I may follow the suggestion for the adhd eval, as you said just to rule it out. I do think the teacher ignores him until there is a negative reason to pay attention to him & single him out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:56 PM Flag
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So what are the triggers in the classroom? What does he specifically get in trouble for before it escalates? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:29 PM Flag
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He is a big kid (recently mistaken for an 7/8th grader, he's in 3rd, and no not redshirted) and bumps into people/desks. Then he is accused of doing it on purpose. Then he leaves the classroom for a 'take a break' and wonders around and then gets in trouble for this and then becomes sullen or rude when disciplined for disappearing from class, tells off the teacher and gets sent to the principal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:37 PM Flag
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At least part of the problem is the teacher! Doesn't mean he doesn't have some issues as well, but clearly his teacher is making things worse. He knows he is being treated unfairly and is acting out. The fact he is okay with a substitute tells you a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:39 PM Flag
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I have posted that you need an evaluation and that is your next step, but in light of this info and that he is perfectly behaved with a sub, I would pull him out and homeschool him for the rest of the school year if the school refuses to switch him to another class. I think you have posted about him here before, is that true? This story is coming back to me. This is an unfair situation and kids DO react with anger when they know something is unfair like this. I would raise hell with the principal. This is really terrible for him to be treated this way. I think you also posted that he was being separated from his class and not allowed to run around with the other kids because he is so big? Is that true? I take back that you need evaluation. I think you need to pull him from this school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:45 PM Flag
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Yes you remember me. I haven't posted recently because we were in one of those two week lulls of good behavior coupled with a substitute teacher for a week. At this point there are only three weeks of school left so I don't want to pull him. I keep trying to impress on him that in life you need to learn how to survive in lots of different environments. That said he just wants to start fresh next year in a new school...same district so I'm a little worried that he'll being going into a school labeled as a problem child. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:51 PM Flag
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IME teachers are not gossipy like this, but the treatment is so OTT that I guess I would not put anything past him. I would meet with his new teacher first week of school and say that last year, his placement was a bad personality fit but that your ds is really looking forward to a fresh start. GL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:07 PM Flag
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should say "put anything past them" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:07 PM Flag
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He will. Teachers talk. You need to run interference from day one with the teacher. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:24 PM Flag
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Any suggestions how I should approach this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:33 PM Flag
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Is he going through early puberty and full of hormones? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:46 PM Flag
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Yes. He is in the 98th percentile for height, eats non stop and I have to constantly remind him to use deodorant. He weighs at least 30lbs more than most of his friends. We were at a sporting event recently and another parent complained that 'that kid is not supposed to be here, it's only for 10U players, not teenagers'. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:54 PM Flag
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Did you try bribes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:12 PM Flag
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I've tried. Everything I've tried works for about 2 weeks and then he reverts back. I am completely void of new ideas. I've gotten to the point of talking about military boarding schools if he doesn't shape up. I would never ever had considered this as an alternative but that is how desperate I feel. He can totally control himself in any other setting...sitting in the front pew at church, playing chess for over an hour, he plays a particular sport at a very high level that requires focus.... it's only school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:20 PM Flag
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NP so your next step is an evaluation. He sounds like an angry kid. You need to figure out what is going that is making him angry at school. A small percentage of kids who have attention issues or undxed LDs manifest this way, same for very, very VERY high IQ kids. Even more complicated, some kids have a combination of these three things. It isn't all, but it is significant enough % that it is a known thing. School change may help but he is only 9 - you need to take the next step of getting an evaluation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:27 PM Flag
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Thanks for this. I took him to his ped who thinks he is simply bigger and needs to chill until the other kids catch up size-wise, he did not think he would even qualify for a 504 if we wanted to go that route ( which I don't). His psych ( who he sees only because of the behavior issues at school) wanted to do a 504 for just general anxiety. Do we have a bad therapist? Wouldn't they be the ones to suggest evaluations? He said the school has labeled my dc as a trouble maker / problem kid. We were in private pre-school & kindergarten in nyc, then moved and went public. He complained the first two years how slow paced the work was, how dumb other kids are ( not nice I know ) and was annoyed he was never called on in class. I haven't heard any of that this year and his effort/motivation in school work has taken a dive. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:46 PM Flag
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This school is not a good fit for him. Where is he going next year? I would be all over that principal. This is not okay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:47 PM Flag
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They start at MS in 4th grade so it's a new school, same district, three elementary schools feeding into it. The hope is that a new setting and hopefully some other big kids ( from the other 2 es) will be a good thing. I've already requested that he be put into the most regimented/strict classroom as he does well in those environments. I was told they would take my comments into consideration. I'm not sure though... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:04 PM Flag
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I think that’s a big mistake [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:24 PM Flag
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why? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:32 PM Flag
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I've been chiming in here and there, but now I'm going to go full press! We can't diagnose your dc, but I think you are getting some good advice here. Given the extreme behavior problems that aren't problems in other settings, you need to get this kid a full neuropscyh battery, and if your current psych is not recommending it, then find someone else. There is a lot of history here and you need to get to the bottom of it asap. He might have adhd, he might be highly gifted, he might be both (which is its own kind of wonderful and hell). I have a kid like this so I know. When you add the physical component to it (his large size), it gets even more complicated. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:53 PM Flag
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^^Will add my ds is now in college and doing exceptionally well. The two worst bumps in the road with him however had everything to do with a teacher. I still blame myself for not defending him the first time around. It took two years to undo the damage a single teacher (that he had for one hour a day) did to him when he was in middle school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:59 PM Flag
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I so appreciate your insight, thank you. Can you tell me a little about getting the neuropsych battery done? I can look it up but if you have any specific suggestions or advice.. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:07 PM Flag
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The main thing is to find someone who specializes in this. A pediatrician or psychiatrist can give you a questionnaire, an educational consultant or school psychologist (who might have a master's in education or psychology or psy.D.) might be trained to give certain tests, particularly academic testing. But what you need is board-certified clinical neuropsychologist, preferably one with experience working with children. A full battery will include IQ testing, testing to rule out ADHD, and most likely academic testing. A neuropsychologist will be trained to give any test your dc needs and will determine what tests are appropriate given the history. He/she should have PhD after their name (not MD). Testing usually takes several hours, and the appt may be split over two days. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:28 PM Flag
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Thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:32 PM Flag
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There are 4 kinds of kids: the ones who act out only at home, the ones who act out only at school/outside the home, those who act out everywhere, and the ones who never act out at all. It's the third category that is most worrisome. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:12 PM Flag
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^^Sorry, meant the 4th -- although the third is also very problematic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:14 PM Flag
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Why is never acting out a problem? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:42 PM Flag
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Every kid acts out sometimes, but the one who is afraid to act out is too controlled. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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Says you. Not every kid needs to act out, just like not every kid is able to sit quietly in class. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:12 PM Flag
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Ok well he's in the 2nd category so what is the outcome for that group...? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:47 PM Flag
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OR: I guess my point is that he can control it sometimes/often, so that's good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:04 PM Flag
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Well thank you for that, it's a little comforting. But I'm mentally exhausted trying to figure this kid out. We are switching schools next year and hoping for a clean slate but I'm scared he's going to screw it up and again create a bad rep for himself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:22 PM Flag
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You throw in the chess player thing, but both of my kids are chess players and they both have ADHD. They were chess players before being dxed and they take medication now. I'm not saying your ds has ADHD but I'm saying that you can't use playing chess as a reason he does not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:17 PM Flag
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I agree (also a kid with ADHD). One of the hallmarks with ADHD is the ability to hyper focus on something you love. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:26 PM Flag
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No one ( not school psych, his psych, or principal) has mentioned adhd. I did throw that( the chess) in there because so many people do jump on the adhd thing. Thank you though for sharing your experience. His school has movement breaks and alternative seating, take a break passes, any time a kid wants/needs to move around they can. I think he takes advantage of this (not because he needs to but because 'why not?' and doesn't know how to reign himself back in, if that makes sense. When he knows it's a no-nonsense environment he's chill, focused, does what he needs to. Without those very clear, black/white parameters he seems to be getting himself in trouble. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:29 PM Flag
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You really, really need an evaluation. Some kids need more structure and it could be that this teacher's classroom is kind of a free for all. Has the school psych observed him in class? I think he needs an evaluation. You are using a lot of language that is making it seem as though you believe he is choosing to behave this way. The severity of the behavior tells me the opposite. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:33 PM Flag
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I take it back. I would pull him from this school now. The teacher's treatment of him is ridiculous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:46 PM Flag
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I would also check for ADHD. One of DS's signs was inability to control impulses, such as poking other kids and whatever. He also had the hyperfocus and could do 1000+ lego sets for hours when he wanted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:09 PM Flag
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I would get an eval for ADHD, if for no other reason to rule it out. Also, don't underestimate how troubling a social problem out of his control could affect his behavior. Any chance he is being bullied or excluded by classmates. Any chance he is being bullied by the teacher? (It's rare but it does happen, and it is far more upsetting than being bullied by classmates because of the abuse of power.) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:28 PM Flag
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Is he bored? In the wrong type of school? Traditional? Maybe an arts based school would better suit him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:27 PM Flag
[ - ] Dumb question but I need help. Some time ago I set up an Adobe account and had my gmail attachments/pdfs open in Acrobat. Now I don't need it anymore and want to open attachments not using Acrobat - but it keeps prompting me to log in to Adobe. I can't remember how I set this up/changed it in the first place. Help? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:03 PM Flag
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What program do you want to open them with? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:14 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:16 PM Flag
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I don't know! I used to just open the pdf, I didn't have to wait for Acrobat to open. Arggghhh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:19 PM Flag
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Doesn't it depend on the attachment? A Word attachment opens in Word, PDF in Adobe, etc? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:02 PM Flag
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Change apps/feature setting on your computer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:22 PM Flag
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You could change what type of program will open what type of document [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:22 PM Flag
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try changing your default programs. Or if you right click on the file, is there an Open With option? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:25 PM Flag
[ - ] Has anyone done that F-Factor diet? Do you have to eat those GG crackers? The boxes my amazon deliveries come in taste better than those. Just curious about a diet that lets you eat out and have alcohol, with summer coming that sounds kind of amazing 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:51 PM Flag
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the crackers are inedible. hard to swallow . of course you can skip them [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:53 PM Flag
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It's really about calories. If you look at the diet it's low calorie and accounts for a glass of wine or drink etc. Better to get the fiber from real, whole foods anyway than the gg crackers she has a partnership with or her processed shakes she sells. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:15 PM Flag
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np what are your favorite high fiber foods? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:28 PM Flag
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just make sure to have a lot of fruits and vegetables and a little whole grains and legumes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:17 PM Flag
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You don't have to eat the crackers but if you make the GG pizzas or put a wedge of laughing cow on them they're not too bad. I make nachos too with the crackers, using salsa and some cheese and micro. She has said many times she does not have a partnership with the GG cracker company. She's making a fortune tho from her protein powder and now bars. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:21 PM Flag
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have you tried the protein shakes? Im curious to try [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:27 PM Flag
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I really like the protein shakes - vanilla and chocolate - and the waffles. Some people don't like the stevia taste so there is an unsweetened powder coming out soon. Unfortunately it gives me terrible constipation (sorry TMI!) so I have stopped drinking them but I might start back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:43 PM Flag
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sounds wrong to have stevia in a health food product. ugh and constipation. thank you for that info. I will pass! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:13 PM Flag
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np -- she didn't used to, now she does that they saw how she advertises it. I don't blame her, but the crackers and shakes and bars are processed and not necessary to the diet except she makes money from them (and likes them). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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np -- I also make the gg pizzas or put eggs and/or salmon on them -- alone they are terrible but if you put something super flavorful on them it's a lot better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:22 PM Flag
[ - ] Father's day gift ideas for a first time dad? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:43 PM Flag
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Get a father/baby matching t-shirt and onesie so they can take a fun photo. Etsy does this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:50 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:51 PM Flag
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Look up "father baby matching" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:52 PM Flag
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Omg OP, you must look this up! I just did. Crazy funny stuff. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:54 PM Flag
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