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[ - ] WWYD? 13 year dc is getting into crosswords. Would you get a book of just Monday puzzles (easy ones) or a book with all difficulty levels even though she prob won’t be able to do the medium to hard puzzles for awhile? 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:08 PM Flag
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The latter [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:08 PM Flag
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If a puzzle is too hard, she can check the back for a couple of fill-ins. If it's too easy, it's a loss. (Xword fiend here) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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I am thinking of getting the spiral book of NYT Monday puzzles to start her out. She’s tried the Friday and Sunday ones and they’re totally beyond her. Do you have a favorite puzzle source? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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I do all the NYT puzzles from the paper, and I do books of KenKen, Sudoku [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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Sign up for the NYT online puzzle subscription - you get a huge archive of crosswords plus lots of other puzzles. It is so much fun, and only 20.00 for the year if you are a subscriber to the paper. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:12 PM Flag
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There's also a NYT crossword app. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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I think they have free old puzzles too on the website. NYT is far and away the best source.If you want a book, I would go with the NYT Monday book. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:21 PM Flag
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They do an archive of free puzzles. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:23 PM Flag
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The daily mini crosswords are free I think. They're fast and fun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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Op- I decided to get her the Monday book. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:33 PM Flag
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I signed up for the nyt crossword subscription. Started by doing the full archive of mini puzzles that goes back to about 2014. Now I am working my way thru all the Monday puzzles - that archive goes to 1983. Then I’ll do the Tuesday puzzles then Wednesday etc. it will take me years but no rush. I get frustrated if it’s too hard so this is working for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:02 PM Flag
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I am addicted to the Spelling Bee and Letterboxed puzzles - have you tried them? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:11 PM Flag
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My all-time favorite clue was "used a two-digit security code" - Answer: pinky swore [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:12 PM Flag
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cute [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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Try matt gaffney puzzles. They have modern clues. Try wsj FRiday puzzle for metas which are puzzles within puzzles. Matt gaffney sometimes writes those too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:19 PM Flag
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I would try to find puzzles especially for teens -- not that they have to be "easier" per se, but they could draw on a different body of knowledge. I do a lot of puzzles (including at tournaments) and I just wouldn't know current performers, for example. Some of us think a five-letter "actress Davis" is Bette still, others know it's Geena. Or someone else so young your daughter would know her and I don't. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:52 PM Flag
[ - ] my soon to be 1st grader (DD) is finishing up the "Easy Reader" books that are level 1,2,3. What's after this? What is a good series for her to work on over the summer. She loves fantasy stuff like fairies, unicorns, etc. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:51 PM Flag
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what is her reading level? You need the letter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:57 PM Flag
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she's in private school so they aren't really even teaching reading. I have no idea how to figure out her level but she's whizzing through the library books we have that are leveled 1,2,3. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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just google a book she's recently read and "guided reading level" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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THIS go to the scholastic book wizard and use that to figure out her level (it won't be as good as having a teacher assess because they test for comprehension and you aren't doing that) but it will give you a general idea. Then use the book wizard to find books at that level. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:45 PM Flag
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Her teacher knows her level, even in private school kindergarten. BTDT x3. Just ask the teacher. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:02 PM Flag
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The scholastic line branches makes good chapter books for first graders. A bit easier than magic treehouse. Dd raced through dragon masters and owl diaries. Some of her friends like princess in black [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:43 PM Flag
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At our library the children's section had a young readers area. There are so many - let her bring home everything and anything. I think Ivy and Bean is around 1st grade, maybe Amelia Bedelia, Fancy Nancy, those Fairy Books, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:51 PM Flag
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Agree with all the above - plus Mercy Watson! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:44 PM Flag
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How old is she? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:02 PM Flag
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Mr putter and tabby series and other series by that author are adorable beyond words she has a few series. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:04 PM Flag
[ - ] Eyes itch, bad sore throat, annoying cough and headache. Is today a bad allergy day (NYC)? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:50 PM Flag
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Yes, I have a horrible headache and stuffy nose. DD itchy eyes and coughing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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Thanks [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:59 PM Flag
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It’s insane this week. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:04 PM Flag
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Yes. Pollen. Due to people's love of male trees. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:24 PM Flag
[ - ] Been thinking about OP who posted yesterday about teacher 'begging for hugs'. Did you go to the director of the preschool? What was the response? 8 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:50 PM Flag
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yikes didn't see that one. that seems unprofessional, to say the least. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:58 PM Flag
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it shows a lack of training/knowledge about child development. Her dd is 2. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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unprofessional, exactly! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:04 PM Flag
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yes agree! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:37 PM Flag
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yes, give us an update! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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OP: Here I am! Yes I spoke to the director yesterday on the phone right after the UB chat. She said she would speak to the teacher and apologized for this going on. Teacher did not do it this morning and DD's preferred teacher was there greeting her normally. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:03 PM Flag
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Also we are moving in August so just have a short-time left here anywhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:06 PM Flag
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Good for you! I'm happy the director was receptive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:58 PM Flag
[ - ] Any CPA recs? We have always done our own taxes via Turbotax, but DH recently became a law partner and now the tax situation is more complicated. None of our friends have recs! 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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He should talk to his friends who already are partners and find out who they use. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:49 PM Flag
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I am CPA< would not want my name thrown around here- have your husband ask the other partners if they have a recommendation of who they use. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:49 PM Flag
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Not OP, but why wouldn't you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:28 PM Flag
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OP: I have told him to ask the other partners MULTIPLE times, and for some reason he is reluctant. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:51 PM Flag
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Have him ask his HR dept. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:54 PM Flag
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alright then what City are you in? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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NYC [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:48 PM Flag
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Does he have friends at other firms? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:02 PM Flag
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Yes, but he's weird about asking. Plus most are assoc or have gone in house [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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Sidney Kaufman on UWS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:13 PM Flag
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You can upgrade your turbotax account to have live advice. I did that this year. they reviewed my return along with all my K-1s and such, made a few small adjustments, and then signed off and filed the return for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:22 PM Flag
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will look into this, thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:28 PM Flag
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As a partner he is part owner. He will have to file taxes in every state where the firm has an office. This is not a DIY situation unless maybe you are a tax lawyer. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:30 PM Flag
[ - ] Did Anyone watch American Housewife with the 'Glee version' of Westport? Corny but funny and reminded me of UB. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:41 PM Flag
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I haven't but that might be the kind of LHOP universe TV I need. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:43 PM Flag
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What is LHOP? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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Little House on the Prairie. Someone below was mentioning how it's basically an escape show when you're stressed out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:57 PM Flag
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Is that on Netflix? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:04 PM Flag
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I think Hulu has it live streaming [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:14 PM Flag
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summer romance [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:02 PM Flag
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AW is one of the networks. Not sure which one though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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Cute show - I watch it on demand now and then. I will have to watch this episode. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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I haven't seen that episode but I *love* that show. The original title was "The second fattest housewife in Westport." I live in a similar upscale suburb and I feel like although I'm only slightly overweight, so I relate to her. Bigger than everyone else, not as wealthy, not a perfect, doesn't care about clothes, etc. It is just a sitcom but I do have one pet peeve with the show. Although she's always dress down, her makeup is always perfect and her hair is always done. This character should have no makeup and her hair should be barely brushed like mine. Not sure if this is the actress's vanity or the fact that network tv is terrifying of putting anyone normal looking on tv. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:52 PM Flag
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ITA about her perfect hair and makeup. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:12 PM Flag
[ - ] I need a phrase/cliche with the word "summer" in it - please help! 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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Bummer in the summer, summer time and the livin' is easy, hot summer streets [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:40 PM Flag
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summer lovin', hot times summer in the city [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:41 PM Flag
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back of my neck gettin' dirty gritty [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:56 PM Flag
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Schools out for the summer, summer loving, suns out guns out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:41 PM Flag
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Summer breezes make me feel fine! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:43 PM Flag
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It's actually "Summer breeze makes me feel fine." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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Just googled it and you're right. I've been singing it wrong all these years! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:48 PM Flag
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I'm not talking 'bout the linen! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:58 PM Flag
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Vote for Summer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:44 PM Flag
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OP: Thanks, all! Need something like an event, like Summer Carnival [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:57 PM Flag
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Summer Splash? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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Now you tell us. Summer fun jam, Summertime Fun Fest, Summer Blast [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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Thanks, it's like Spring Fling - a cleanup kickoff [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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Summer Bummer for the win. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:14 PM Flag
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summer lovin', had me a blast . summer lovin', happened so fast [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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Why a cliché? Don't you try to avoid those? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:35 PM Flag
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Just need something catchy, recognizable, that I can tweak. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:35 PM Flag
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Summer teeth ( summer there, summer not) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:31 PM Flag
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Summer in the city [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:40 PM Flag
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lazy days of summer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:41 PM Flag
[ - ] How can you get on the board of a private school in Manhattan? Professional experience or lots of previous engagement in school? 22 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:35 PM Flag
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How quaint. The answer is $$$$$. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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That's just sad! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:39 PM Flag
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Really? I didn't know this. How do you approach this? Headmaster, I have a million to donate, what can you do for me? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:39 PM Flag
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the school reaches out to you. they know who has money [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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Make a biggish annual gift, like $50K. They will notice and assign a development officer to cultivate you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:06 PM Flag
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this is the way ALL non-profit boards work, it's not specific to schools. You give a lot of $$$, soon they ask you to be on the board, with the expectation that you will continue to give. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:21 PM Flag
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Np, just money. That is all [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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This is disturbing to me! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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Do you think they will ask you for your opinion on educational issues? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:58 PM Flag
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"Give, get or get off the board" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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That is pathetic! Now I have less respect for the board members at my school. Some are very low key. I guess family money then. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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Meaning they don't have big jobs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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you thought being on the board had nothing to do w how much money you give???? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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I am new to the private school scene. Moved to NYC from another country. I am only familiar with boards of for profit companies where it obviously works differently. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:23 PM Flag
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charities work exactly the same. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:27 PM Flag
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you got to pay to play baby [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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It's all about the Benjamins. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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For the most part, money. Political connections may also be important, particularly if the school is looking to build and needs help with DOB or Landmarks. At a religious school, there are usually places for clergy members - even if they are not that particular denomination (even at a non-denominational school, a religious leader with DCs at the school may also be asked). Current PA Presidents are almost always on the Board, regardless of their ability to raise money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:26 PM Flag
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This is correct. Once you've cleared the $$ hurdle, they look at a certain diversity: people with law, finance, real estate backgrounds, men/women, other types of diversity. In addition to $$, being a Yes person who will support the school in pretty much anything is important. The HOS gets appointed by the board, so she / he is not dumb. For board seats, will encourage the cultivation of the wealthy families who are unlikely to have too many ideas of their own and be a squeaky wheel. Rarely see anyone with a strong background in education on these boards, someone who will ask too many questions and may challenge the way the HOS runs the school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:55 PM Flag
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How much money are we talking? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:57 PM Flag
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At my kids' school it's a combination. Usually at least a couple of $$$ people, one high-profile alum, one helpful professional like an architect, one diversity parent, one administrator from another private school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:04 PM Flag
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:10 PM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone take their child to Mathnasium? I want some extra math for DC but Kumon seems quite boring. How does Mathnasium compare? 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:32 PM Flag
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Or you could let the poor kid have some downtime. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:33 PM Flag
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How do you know OP’s kid has no downtime? How presumptuous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:55 PM Flag
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I'm sure this kid is just BEGGING for extra math worksheets in their free time. "Mother, I need more worksheets! Please don't come between me and my worksheets! I promise this won't get in the way of my violin practice...." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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Obviously kids should never do things they didn’t ask to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:08 PM Flag
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Or God forbid do some extra math. Math is hard, as Barbie said. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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ILY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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Lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:07 PM Flag
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I can't compare anything since we've only been to Mathnasium. We put DD in because she was behind in math when she switched schools, but kept her in because she likes her tutors and she's found that she actually enjoys math now. From what I understand, it's a franchise, so experiences may differ from location to location. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:35 PM Flag
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Is it mostly repetative worksheets or more interesting/challenging problems? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:39 PM Flag
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DD takes her homework in and they do problems based on that, plus - she's studying for TACHS exam and reviewing the problems there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:41 PM Flag
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Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:42 PM Flag
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We used to go the the one on first or York (don't quite remember). Was ok but not great. Teachers switched a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:36 PM Flag
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Same as Kumon - rigid and boring. I highly recommend RSM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:21 PM Flag
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Hi fellow RSM mom. Which branch you in? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:30 PM Flag
[ - ] Thinking about getting the Gizmo watch for my 8 year old (who is now on travel teams and sometimes I have no idea where the bus is, etc.) Anyone here have one for their DC? Just curious if it is any good. Thank you! 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:28 PM Flag
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We had one for our son when he was younger (he now has a real phone) and it was great! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:41 PM Flag
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thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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We went with a prepaid phone and phone service geared toward elderly people and got ds a phone for talking and texting with a slide out keyboard. This way he can text us and he also texts his grandparents which is cute. It doesn't have GPS tracking but it lets us reach him and him reach us and is dirt cheap for service. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:40 PM Flag
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This is what he has and who his service is through: https://www.twigby.com/shop/twigby-phones/details/kyocera_verve_e3150 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:42 PM Flag
[ - ] My legs are still stiff from a workout 2 days ago (not sore but super stiff going up and down stairs, etc). Want to go and do some cardio (cycling) to work them out a bit. Bad idea, or good? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:21 PM Flag
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Good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:23 PM Flag
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Good idea. Dont' make it a killer workout, just a moderate. Get that lactic acid out! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:24 PM Flag
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This! You need to get the lactic acid moving. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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I promise the lactic acid is not just hanging out in your muscles waiting to get pushed out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:29 PM Flag
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It will help, as long as it's not a punishing workout. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:28 PM Flag
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Good idea. I’ve had legs be sore for 4 days once! Tough leg workouts are the worst. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:31 PM Flag
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Good. Spinning always loosens me up when my legs are stiff from running. I ran the half on Sunday and actually feel better after my spin class last night. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:33 PM Flag
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(Saturday, I mean) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:36 PM Flag
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OP - super helpful, thanks all for confirming I should go for it! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:40 PM Flag
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I can obsess out about schools here. Couldn't possibly do it in real life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:54 PM Flag
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Oops - wrong post. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:54 PM Flag
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Good. Do a light cardio then stretch then hot bath. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:42 PM Flag
[ - ] Reasons why you are thankful for UB 84 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:18 PM Flag
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Flagged! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:19 PM Flag
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Ha, love you [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:24 PM Flag
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It gives me a window into the views of boring and angst-ridden people, and I had no idea there were so many judgmental and banal people out there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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hahaha....there's always one in the bunch. Who thinks their humanity is so superior. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:23 PM Flag
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It's not superiority, just a bit disappointed that we haven't evolved as species. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:26 PM Flag
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but let me guess, you are evolved? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:27 PM Flag
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Evolution of the species is my concern, since whether I have the intellect of a worm or Einstein is irrelevant. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:29 PM Flag
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pot, meet kettle [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:05 PM Flag
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+1 judgmental? Check. Banal? Check. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:53 PM Flag
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I have found it to be a great source of advice and perspective for mom, friend, life, marriage, beauty issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:24 PM Flag
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This! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:34 PM Flag
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^^And sometimes there are really funny posters. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:34 PM Flag
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+3 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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All of the above, yes. I generally really like UB and the wise UB-ers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:27 PM Flag
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It enables me to have exactly as much social interaction as I want, without the burden of actual relationships (kidding/not kidding) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:26 PM Flag
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+1000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:28 PM Flag
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+2000 I have lost the ability to have some kinds of conversations with people in real life. this is my outlet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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+3 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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I found out that you can "sound fat". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:27 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:27 PM Flag
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One time someone was accused of "sounding fat", and she replied that she was actually quite thin. The accuser then said "Well, I mean emotionally fat". Not only can you be fat, but you can be an emotionally fat person trapped in a slim body. Who knew. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:30 PM Flag
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lol!! I learned a new phrase when I lived in NYC. "FF". Former Fatty. So harsh. My friend explained it this way - the low self esteem and confidence of a fat person who is now thin as an adult. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:32 PM Flag
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Whoa. That is me in a nutshell. I'm an emotionally-fat FF. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:34 PM Flag
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Aw...well, I'm sure you look great! No, seriously, it's so harsh but also relatable, right?! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:35 PM Flag
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That is everyone who was once fat. One of my doctors asked me out. He then asked "Were you fat growing up?" I said "Yes how did you know that?" He said "I have a theory that women who are pretty and really nice used to be fat and those are the type I date because they always still feel fat." I turned down the date but must admit it's kind of true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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The doctor sounds like a DOUCHE. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:50 PM Flag
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+1. Totally poor professional boundaries! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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Yes and yes. I was so taken aback that I didn't even respond properly. It was years ago. Now I would have said something. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:53 PM Flag
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+1 "I only date former fatties because I'm such a douche I prefer low-self-esteem women who are deluded into thinking they're lucky to have me" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:55 PM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:34 PM Flag
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omg. LOL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:29 PM Flag
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Sometimes I'm mad at my DH over some trivial thing, like he leaves dirty dishes around. Then I read about all these shitty marriages on UB and I get a major gratitude check. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:28 PM Flag
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OMG this! DH has a lot of small annoying habits (dishes, clothes, mess, etc) but noting compared to the serious problems UBers have. He is also the most hands off husband, never comments on the house/food or gives opinion unless asked. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:33 PM Flag
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A daily reminder that despite all the “girl-power” out there, we women just keep knocking each other down and I personally need to make sure I’m better than that [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:32 PM Flag
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ILY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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Entertainment! So many neurotic moms with crazy husbands. And I am sure I know many in real life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:37 PM Flag
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I identified at least one mom I know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:42 PM Flag
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how? I always wonder about that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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She told a story about her nanny that identified it for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:50 PM Flag
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The humor, the stupidity, the constant worrying if something is normal, the overuse of the word UGH, if it even is a word. Always good for laughs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:39 PM Flag
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+1mm All of this and the kindness when you are really in need or worried about your DCs. There is still a lot of heart and soul amongst these women. That said, I've become expert at weeding through trolls. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:27 PM Flag
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It shows me how neurotic the moms are. In real life it's the same but I can't give the nasty responses I am free to give here! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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Bowl in a bowl. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:55 PM Flag
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Tabs for saran wrap! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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I learned from UB that there are little fold in tabs on the saran wrap box that hold the roll in place. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:48 PM Flag
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Girls size 4 shoe equals womens size 6. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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Inmate Mom, Lobster Mom and Au Pair Mom helped me laugh when I was down. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:56 PM Flag
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IM was nice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:56 PM Flag
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Since you're bringing up Thanksgiving, I love knowing I can get flamed for serving a store bought pie or retrieving a turkey carcass for soup! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:00 PM Flag
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Carcass maybe, but don't knock store-bought pie. I love Fairway's pecan pie!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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When I am feeling low I come on here and see how mean and nasty some of the women are and it makes me realize I could be doing much worse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:00 PM Flag
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Only time in my life I can ever be "Most Popular" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:02 PM Flag
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ILY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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Good point! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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:( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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No worries I was kidding. I just got a teaching award in my dept so I feel popular irl. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:34 PM Flag
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It has shown me how hostile women can be, so I can warn my dds about seeking emotional comfort in the inviting atmosphere of a womens' group [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:06 PM Flag
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Ha, ha! Good one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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What should they do instead? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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Keep up their face-to-face friendships for as long as possible (which for me was until I had a SN kid) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:34 PM Flag
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I like sharing what little expertise I have as a Westchester mom and recruiter, and I have learned all I ever need to know about NYC schools! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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My friend IRL referred me to UB when I "married up" and was feeling incredibly isolated. Back then UB had more peers to that situation. Sadly that friend knew about UB from Reddit because bored men troll UB. From what I can see, that continues? So even though many of my peers (guessing) grew up and out of UB, sadly the trolls continue! There's also a newer, growing, demographic of what I find enough of IRL and is alluded to above from other ORs: cranky, jaded, lower than UHNW...that might as well be trolls. I'm still thankful for the 1% problems more so the solutions. All that said, the hypocritical praise is the random and vast brilliance (again, as already mentioned from tupper advice to legal advice) and guess what? We can't see pedigree so we don't know SAH, WOH, UMC, LMC, and so on... everyone gets a chance to contribute and learn, and I love UB for that. Whereas some posters said they had no idea people were so dark and cruel IRL, I find myself thinking the opposite - there are some truly amazing people, often don't know their back story, and UB - at it's best - demonstrates that altrustim exists. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:42 PM Flag
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NYC school admissions processes - I was the only one of my friends here to have a child and I had ZERO idea how to navigate the insanity. I learned it all on UB. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:42 PM Flag
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This. Also the lingo. Have almost slipped into it IRL conversations. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:55 PM Flag
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I recently relocated to a different city. Its amazing how quickly I sometimes revert to UB/NYC private school lingo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:57 PM Flag
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+1, came here for school advice and learned a lot. But also found it a helpful place to have honest type of communication and expression of ideas and opinions you can never find in real life anymore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:31 PM Flag
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UB became my mom tribe, cheer group and support group as a FTM dealing with many other personal issues. I received a lot of help and advice here and remained private. Thank you UB, [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:07 PM Flag
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Brutal honesty. That often no one will give you but which you really need sometimes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:28 PM Flag
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+1 getting kicked in the ass over 10 yr old dd txting was what I needed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 07:12 PM Flag
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+2 I complained about something DH did that drove me over the edge and everyone told me to chill out. I'm far happier since taking that advice. Thank you, UB! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:12 PM Flag
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I have learned a lot here about what goes on in other peoples' marriages. That helps me put my life in perspective. Also, UB women can be kind and supportive, especially when they sense you are really struggling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:29 PM Flag
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Because it is anonymous, equalizes class/race/educational differences so we can actually come together to support each other in emotional crisis, through commonly shared life stages. When I get really down about the constant judgement of real life urban, UMC, competitive environments, I like knowing I have a community of women who will give it to me straight, without real-life social blowback. Been here for over a decade - it has really helped me during some dark moments. I'm grateful for the range of perspectives and it has helped me focus more on the things I have IRL for which I should be grateful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:01 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:10 PM Flag
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You're always here to answer a question when I have one, no matter how silly or personal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:15 PM Flag
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So I can feel what it’s like to be “average” or “ugly”. I’m also poor, have wrinkly elbows, drive a Range Rover, have bratty kids, have dumb kids, am old, have have a charming DC. In real life I have non of these things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:41 PM Flag
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I meant cheating DH (I do have a charming DC;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:41 PM Flag
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Our DD has been deeply troubled and had multiple suicide attempts last year. UB folks couldn't have been kinder or more supportive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:08 PM Flag
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I'm so sorry. Truly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:17 PM Flag
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Thank you. It was rough, but she's moved forward and UB helped me move forward as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:34 PM Flag
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We're not rich, our kids aren't superstars, and I"m not a size 2. There was a weird immature part of myself which envied women who had married rich, had academically gifted kids and could spend their time making themselves size 2s with flawless skin. Coming to UB and hearing the complaints from women who have so much made me realize that to some degree it is not what you have, but how grateful you are for what you have. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:09 PM Flag
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Potential pitfalls of marriage to an immigrant. Like ILs who expect to stay with you for weeks or months. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 10:17 PM Flag
[ - ] DD has fine curly hair. At its best, it looks like Shirley Temple ringlets; at its worst, it is unkempt and frizzy. Curly-haired moms: any product suggestions? My own hair is straight so I am out of my league. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:13 PM Flag
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Don't wash every day, I love little twig conditioner. Spritz with a water/conditioner mixture in the am [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:17 PM Flag
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Wash like 2-3 times a week at most. Use leave in conditioner and a wide tooth comb to section off curls with a styling product after her bath. You can use your fingers and a styling product to “wrap” her curls into bigger ringlets while still wet. Do not brush after it’s dry! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:48 PM Flag
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Look into the Curly Girl method/technique for maintaining curls. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:30 PM Flag
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Devacurl products [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:06 PM Flag
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Did you see the Broad City episode about Devachan? So hilarious [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:06 PM Flag
[ - ] Thoughts on cool Scultping? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:07 PM Flag
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Dude, this is like the 4th post in the last week. Basta. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:16 PM Flag
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Right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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I did it for outer thighs and liked the results. I did it in coordination with losing weight and focusing on toning my legs, etc. The fat has not returned. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:30 PM Flag
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Oh- interesting! I thought that it was less effective for legs. I am reasonably thin/fit (5'4", 115-120) but my upper legs will not tone. Lots of jiggle (whereas arms/abs are very toned) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:53 PM Flag
[ - ] Scene in my neighborhood in Brooklyn: a mom wearing Golden Goose sneakers and lots of expensive accoutrements, complaining that her nanny wants a raise because she can't afford her rent (in a not very fancy neighborhood). The mom with whom she is commiserating can't believe her FT housekeeper wants to be paid while the mom's family is at their house Out East. 28 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:56 PM Flag
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This women are vulgar. Make Brooklyn Heights cool again! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:56 PM Flag
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BH is usually less like this than CH or CG imo [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:00 PM Flag
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Yup, BH has more working parents and is more humble. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:57 PM Flag
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Yes, definitely. I mean they live in $8 million houses. A sure sign of humble people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 06:00 PM Flag
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Well to be fair all the CH moms like this are usually in BH at SoulCycle or dropping their kids off at Packer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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Well there's quite the UB bingo card [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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np: isn't it? so much so that it very clearly seems fake! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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This. Too obvious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:12 PM Flag
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The other tell is the rapid fire posting of new OPs...all with cliche topics. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:13 PM Flag
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Meanwhile, in Coney Island: https://abc7ny.com/5311009/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:04 PM Flag
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Nannies and another other people working should be paid based on what the market rate is, not paid based on what their rent is. That said, I would never hire someone who seemed desperate for money, that’s not someone I want around my kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:25 PM Flag
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I'm sure there are plenty of trust fund babies out there who are dying to watch your kids. You know, the ones who don't need to worry about money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:27 PM Flag
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Sarcasm aside, you can tell when someone desperately needs money. My nanny is married and has a dh who also works and she lives in an inexpensive apt in queens. Of course she needs her salary but she’s not living paycheck to paycheck and not talking about being unable to afford rent and other things [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:30 PM Flag
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Good for you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:31 PM Flag
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Um, I hate to break it to you, but people are nannies because they want MONEY. Do you think they're doing it because it's so enriching to spend time around your little snowflakes? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:32 PM Flag
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There is a difference between wanting money and being desperate for money. I am not under any false assumptions that our nanny would work for free. She is wonderful and she’s paid to do a job [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:34 PM Flag
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bullshit [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:36 PM Flag
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ITA: love and respect my great nanny but her rent shouldn't be a factor in determining her salary and her trying to use that would really concern me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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I agree. Nannies are paid market rate. But also, you’re fooling yourself if you think your nanny isn’t in desperate need of money. I make a lot of money, as does DH and still feel like I desperately need my job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:58 PM Flag
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Or: I know that my nanny is not living paycheck to paycheck and is not struggling to pay her bills- she can afford her lifestyle. If that’s the case for you then I’m sorry and yes this can happen on any salary [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:11 PM Flag
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That is weird. Partners at Goldman Sachs are always very concerned about the ability of analysts and associates to pay their rent. OH WAIT, people get paid according to what the market pays people with their skills doing their job, not how much they pay in rent or how much the boss's sneakers cost. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:56 PM Flag
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we should definitely use Goldman Sachs as an example of best practices [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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Np: this is not about Goldman. People are paid market rate everywhere. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:06 PM Flag
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and they shouldn't be :) fuck capitalism [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:14 PM Flag
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Yes, because communism has worked so well... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:22 PM Flag
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You don’t have a job, do you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:58 PM Flag
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OMG Scene Mom is back. Stop trying to make it a thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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This is definitely different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:59 PM Flag
[ - ] I got divorced a while ago and am basically a single parent. Struggling to create a new social life. Used to spend a lot of time out for work but dialed that back (purposely) with new job and not wanting to rely so much on work for social life. Now I’m feeling disconnected and withdrawing more all the time. It is a bad cycle right? Feel like not being part of a couple totally changed my dynamic with non work and school friends. Maybe I should throw myself into dating, idk. Advice? 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:55 PM Flag
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No advice, except to say I am you, but I'm totally content with current situation, because I realize it's a temporary chapter. I am prorating my kids and my career. Socializing an dating is taking a back seat for now. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:56 PM Flag
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How do you not get lonely and few isolated? Part of it is my job is way less social and externally focused than it used to be. I’m an extrovert even though I am gong through this withdrawn phase. Kids are going to camp soon and I’m worried I will sink into complete isolation. Need more social support and don’t know how to find it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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I feel lonely sometimes, but I've created the social network that I seek. E.g., I started a book club a couple years ago, I'm involved in a professional networking group, and I volunteer with two organizations. So I "socialize" at board meetings, and book club, meetings, etc. Going out binge drinking with other lonely moms (popular where I live) is not my idea of socializing so I've created these situations for myself that I seek. I relate though, it's hard. Sounds cliche but join a club related to a hobby you want to cultivate. Or take a class. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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You do have a social network. Are the board meetings related to volunteering? I am trying to volunteer myself. Any advice on how to find things to volunteer for? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:04 PM Flag
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yes, they are. I thought about what causes I cared about and went from there. I identified two groups, plus kids' school, and that's all I do. Also helps me to say no to additional requests. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:06 PM Flag
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How do you work On getting involved at the board level of a charity? Thanks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:37 PM Flag
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I feel the same way as you but I think I have depression also. I feel the need to have someone in my life all the time so dating is good for me but dating these days are depressing too. Love is so hard to find. I don't like being alone unlike some people. Hanging out with friends cost money so I dial that back too. My advice is for you to try dating bc you might have better luck than me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:02 PM Flag
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I may have depression. I know that. But the feeling down doesn’t last long enough or impact my life long enough to warrant medication. At least that’s what I’ve been told. I show up at work every day with make up. I get my hair cut colored. I work out. I do see friends at least a few times a month. I do some professional networking activities. Some days are just super hard. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:06 PM Flag
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I was responding to you above, and I do think that some days are just super hard when you're a single mom. I feel that way. Sometimes it just stinks. Two parent households are easier to manage in almost every way, assuming there isn't abuse or neglect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:08 PM Flag
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Thanks! I am also 44 and feel like my cycle causes more downs than it used to, or at least more severe. I’ve started tracking it. I am supposed to start my period right around now, and I imagine it is making things worse. I’ve also “settled” for friendships with some people who aren’t super healthy (I was a mess at the end of my marriage and the first couple of years of separation) and I need to let those people go and find better relationships. I do suffer from low self esteem so letting people who aren’t able to be thoughtful and supportive in my life can cause a lot of hurt. So cleaning up that part of my life, while healthy and good, is temporarily isolating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:15 PM Flag
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Sounds like you are really on the right path though. We live in a culture that never wants to feel pain. Pain is ok when it teaches us and sounds like you have more lessons to learn. BTDT. The night is always darkest before the dawn. You are doing good and healthy work!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:18 PM Flag
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Thanks for saying this. It just has been so long since I felt okay. I’ve definitely had some decent stretches of ok-ness in the last three years, but lots of struggles as well. I had such terrible coping mechanisms my whole Life and sometimes it feels like it was easier to be screwed up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:23 PM Flag
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I feel you. Learn new coping, it's worth it. I'm struggling with that too. Am thin and fit but have used food and drink as a crutch and coping mechanism my whole life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:29 PM Flag
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Me too! The thin and fit for me is also about perfectionism. But I really need exercise so trying to find the balance. I have managed to become a sporadic drinker. Three drinks over a big long dinner/evening is like a once a year over indulgence at this point. Also men have been a problem my whole life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:33 PM Flag
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My sister met her boyfriend at a divorce support group. They've now been together for 5 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:20 PM Flag
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Thanks!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:21 PM Flag
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Sometimes I just really miss having someone to cuddle with. I miss having someone who loves me other than myself. Its very hard. I also have ADHD and hard to focus on one thing in my life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:40 PM Flag
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I think pushing yourself to be more social at work is an easy step. And it's something that can be done, mostly, during work hours (go grab coffee with someone, get lunch, maybe get one drink after work, etc). Maybe set a goal of one social activity a week (any of the three things I listed can count). I think you'll see once you start doing it, it'll get easier and easier and more invitations will open up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 08:21 PM Flag
[ - ] I just learned that the DS of a family member has disclosed he was molested by his dad. Parents are divorced. DS is 10. Any advice to offer to protect the DS (aside from barring him from visitation)? 37 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:44 PM Flag
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does his mother know? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:50 PM Flag
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yes, his mother knows. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:52 PM Flag
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or: I agree your OP is confusing. Are you trying to "protect" the abused child or your own DS? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:54 PM Flag
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"the DS" is my cousin's son. I'm not worried about my DCs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:08 PM Flag
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Educate him about molestation and tell him that this family member is a pedophile to be avoided. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:50 PM Flag
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Be careful throwing the word pedophile around. Not everyone who sexually abuses children is one and that opens you to accusations of slander if it is not in fact true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:55 PM Flag
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Omg who gives a shit. Her kid doesn't need to be around him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:05 PM Flag
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His lawyer might. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:06 PM Flag
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What do we call someone who sexually abuses children, if not a pedophile? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:14 PM Flag
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A criminal. I understand you aren't knowledgable about this, so be open to learning. Many sexual abuses of children are crimes of opportunity. Pedophiles are people who are sexually aroused by pre-pubescent children. Not every criminal who sexually abuses children is a pedophile and not every pedophile acts on his or her urges. It's nuanced, and I understand you might not care. The law and psychology make distinctions though and I think protecting our children is much more effective (and easier to do) when we know the facts. E.g., protecting your child from a pedophile is different from protecting them from opportunistic sexual abuse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:21 PM Flag
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this is extremely helpful. Thank you for taking the time to explain [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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You're welcome! I appreciate you saying that. No one wants to understand pedophiles, which I appreciate, because we want to imagine they aren't human or they're "evil"...but they are part of the human condition and almost always because they were abused themselves. If we want to put a stop to something, we have to truly understand it, not demonize it because it makes us feel bad. Most victims of pedophiles also don't feel "abused" whereas opportunities child sexual abuse victims do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:25 PM Flag
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I disagree. I think most victims of pedophiles feel abused. They may not know what to call it, but they all describe feeling bad, ashamed, disappointed, confused and almost always eventually put a label of "abused" on it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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I am talking about during the abuse itself, not afterwards. Most feel seduced and appreciated during and have a loving relationship with anuser, which makes it confusing. They feel attended to, which then brings up all the negative feelings later in life once that "love" was reconceputalized as abuse. I'm a psychologist so understand this dynamic but Oprah addressed this issue very clearly in layman's terms in his post-MJ special. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:50 PM Flag
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^her! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:50 PM Flag
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How is it helpful? It makes no difference whatsoever, and I don't even think the law distinguishes between the 2, since laws are based on actions and intent to cause harm. In both cases, the overlying intent would be the same. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:33 PM Flag
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I provided the explanation. The law absolutely distinguishes, in sentencing and treatment. Prevention efforts distinguish, which are the most critical for those of us who want to knowledgable protect ourselves. The pedophile is more often than not a trusted community member, not a troll under a bridge. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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If a 10yo has been molested he does not need to be educated about it. He has experienced it. Report to police, get him into counseling. Do not intervene or gossip, hard as that may be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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This question confuses me. How are you involved? What kind of molestation? Be careful about divorce situations, lots of accusations get thrown around. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:53 PM Flag
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honest question: is it common for a 10 year old to throw out false accusations? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:09 PM Flag
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No data on this, how could there be? if he thinks it might please the mother, he might. Don't wade into this, OP! You don't even know whether your cousin is lying to you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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What exactly do you think my personal risk is in all of this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:16 PM Flag
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Slander and libel. Let the therapist and law enforcement do their job while you support your cousin and her child emotionally and logistically. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:26 PM Flag
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that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm not speaking to anyone other than my cousin and UB. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:30 PM Flag
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If it were me, I would entertain the idea that it might be false. In other words, don't say or do anything on the basis that this is entirely true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:34 PM Flag
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No [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:11 PM Flag
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What is your role here? Are you a caretaker? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:54 PM Flag
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My cousin has asked for advice on what to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:55 PM Flag
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np: you can't "bar" him visitation. Be very careful here. Divorce brings up lots of false accusations. Let the lawyers handle it. Be a supportive friend to your cousin but don't get involved. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:57 PM Flag
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The accused dad has already lost to have his 50/50 custody revoked and now has dinner once/week, no weeknight overnights, and every other weekend. The reason for the change in the parenting plan had to do with his DUIs and the disruption in DS's school life. Teachers were complaining about lack of sleep, bad behavior after staying at dad's, tardiness, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:13 PM Flag
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gotcha. so sounds like the cousin is trying to up the ante with these new allegations, to get him out of their life entirely. I empathize with her spectate entirely, have my own screw up of a ex-dh. But to the abuse allegations on top of all this? Has the child seen a therapist? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:16 PM Flag
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yes, child has been in therapy since he was 5. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:19 PM Flag
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So is law enforcement involved? They must be, if the therapist knows. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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I don't know about law enforcement. CPS was notified. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:28 PM Flag
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They will be. They have to investigate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:31 PM Flag
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If the child reported the actions of his dad, why are folks saying the mom is making an allegation? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:21 PM Flag
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Someone (not OP) needs to find out if he has child porn on his computer. Seems to be the only way that swift action is taken. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:35 PM Flag
[ - ] Need some summer book recommendations for my third grader, she's reading about P,Q,R,S level. Would like some funny books, just laugh-out-loud funny. Any suggestions? TIA! 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:43 PM Flag
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HILO is a laugh out loud funny series. It looks like the first one is O. I'm not sure about the later ones in the series. How to Train Your Dragon series is also laugh out loud funny, it is S. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:46 PM Flag
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Anyone else who took Latin read "SPQR" ? ha. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:53 PM Flag
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I didn't take Latin, but I love it!! - History Mom [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:02 PM Flag
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:) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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Ungifted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:16 PM Flag
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that is V, but is funny! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 04:00 PM Flag
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Beverly clearly and Judy Blume books. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:17 PM Flag
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Those books have not aged well IMO [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 05:31 PM Flag
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Those tree house books (Seven-story treehouse, 14-story, etc.) Also Magic Treehouse (different, truly). How to Eat Fried Worms [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 09:55 PM Flag
[ - ] anyone take a step back from a high energy demanding job to a much less intense job in order to get better wl balance/ see kids more and regret it? 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:39 PM Flag
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No. If you can comfortably afford it, this is a no brainer. I know I will get flamed, but I slowed down the treadmill at work a few years ago (didn't completely step off, but am what some would consider "mommy-tracked") and it has been SO much better for my marriage and family, not to mention my own sanity and stress levels. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:44 PM Flag
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+1 same here, best move ever [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:11 PM Flag
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short term it's not a huge pay cut (though a big cut in base salary) so am hoping it is a good move. but i have some pangs esp when i am at the office and with the team and feel like i built something and am ditching it. but then when with the kids and at home i hope it will be better for overall mental health [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 03:26 PM Flag
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This is my job and I don't have a choice but to stick with it. And I don't even earn 200k, and my job is NOT that important (but the income is to our family). Sucks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.22.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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