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[ - ] Two parts. 1) If money were no object, what's the one thing you'd LOVE to receive for xmas. 2) If money were no object, what's the one thing you'd love to GIVE someone for xmas? 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:42 PM Flag
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My own workshop. His own place for his music and stereo equipment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:44 PM Flag
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My own plane [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:49 PM Flag
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Single mom here. I'd love to receive a paid off apartment building. One for me and my son and then the remainder of the units would be my income. For someone else - I think I'd give my good friend a house/huge bank account. She's been struggling for years. Well educated, but has been laid off a few times. Working, but not earning enough to stay ahead of bills as she'd like. I'd love her to have zero financial worries. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:02 PM Flag
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Another single mom here and I totally would do the same! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:31 PM Flag
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A house in Hawaii and a plane to go there. Or is there such a thing as unlimited 1st class travel? Travel w/o having to fuss about lines or luggage. I just want to breeze in and have giant seats for the whole family. I want a car to take me to the door of the plane like fancy people. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:17 PM Flag
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um, i think you forgot what you would give someone.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 09:29 PM Flag
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There’s lots of things I want but they’re not the stereotypical extravagant Christmas gifts like the ones in Neiman Marcus gift catalog. I would love a puppy with a red bow. Or a shiny car with a big red bow :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:18 PM Flag
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I asked my family for a dog with a bow, possibly in a box. I will not get one because I already have a dog and really shouldn't have another at the moment, but I still like the fantasy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:35 PM Flag
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Awww, that's a cute picture! I imagine christmas tree, crackling fireplace, cozy pjs, cocoa, and someone hands you a big box, and out comes a cute puppy with a bow and it licks your face and wags it tail. :-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:54 PM Flag
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That's what I imagine, too :) Maybe one day. I'll keep hoping! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:06 PM Flag
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A nice coat. Nice boots. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:36 PM Flag
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1) A trip to some fabulous beach destination. If had to be a thing not an experience, then maybe a new car. 2) A great trip also. Or $20k+ to spend on updating their wardrobe. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:37 PM Flag
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For myself, I would hire an interior decorator and a professional organizer and have them overhaul our whole house. I would love to give DH capital & guidance to launch his pet project business that is currently just a hobby. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:47 PM Flag
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A YSL mini NIki bag, I'd love to give DH a new car [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:57 PM Flag
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Receive - monthlong trip to Southeast Asia & Australia. Give - probably some great courtside seats to the NBA Finals [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:12 PM Flag
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cartier braceletS - stacked [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:40 PM Flag
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1) an emerald cut emerald ring, 2) a home with a sunny art studio for DH. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:43 PM Flag
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1) Not certain but probably a designer to "finish" our apartment 2) love this question as I have been seriously toying with an anonymous donation to a friend of a friend, perhaps $2000. She is divorced and has been struggling ever since then. Lives in a part of the country with not many jobs and her career has been hit hard by the rise in digital ads. Her sons are both out of house. She could not afford to send the second one to college. Her parents are dead, her ILs are dead - there is no inheritance to save her. Thoughts? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 09:35 PM Flag
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sounds like a really thoughtful gesture if you can afford i’d absolutely do it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 10:11 PM Flag
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1. kitchen remodel; 2. i'd give my DD the dream trip to asia she wants. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 10:37 PM Flag
[ - ] I am tall for a woman (5’9” without shoes) and everyone in my family is short. I’m fine with my height now (for the most part) but really hated being so tall as a kid. Yesterday saw a family member that I hadn’t seen in a long time and she commented on my height bringing back all my insecurities from my youth. WTH is wrong with me that I can’t just ignore and move along? 31 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:36 PM Flag
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I've been pretty ugly all my life but learned to adapt. It does hurt, though, when someone (like on the train) calls me ugly to my face. My guard is usually down. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:38 PM Flag
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I'm so sorry someone would do this. That's horrible, and you should never have to put up with that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:49 PM Flag
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It happens. We live in a world full of unkind and unthinking people. Key is how you handle it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:51 PM Flag
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OMG! That's horrible! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:09 PM Flag
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I'm sorry that happened to you. One of the best things I learned/accepted about people .... some are real a$$hole$. Once you accept it, it's easier to let things rolls off your back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:33 PM Flag
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That’s awful! I’m really sorry, that would absolutely destroy my day. Remember that anyone who would do that must have major problems. If that helps at all. I’ve heard comments about me on the subway, not directed at me but more one person saying something crappy about me to a friend, then they laugh nastily. That brings me back to junior high. Not in a good way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 09:19 PM Flag
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Ugh, that's annoying. Yeah, people just don't know the things that bother you, so they end up mentioning them. I'm super top heavy and the amount of people that make dumb/silly comments about it is kind of endless. Not all the time, but frequently enough to really get to me. I'm crazy self conscious about my chest, but I've always been too scared to get a reduction surgery. How about people not talk about my boobs - would it be so hard? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:39 PM Flag
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Op: can’t believe people would talk about your boobs....wth is wrong with people? My height doesn’t sound so bad now.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:45 PM Flag
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or: and with that comment you made that poster feel bad [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:49 PM Flag
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Boob OR: Ha! No, OP didn't. Oh god, is my UB name now Boob OR? Ugh. :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:00 PM Flag
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Better than boobalicious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:06 PM Flag
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So annoying. People need to learn not to comment on others' physical appearance at all. DD is very short and it really bothers her when it's mentioned. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:47 PM Flag
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My dd is quite short but we have always discussed it and it doesn't bother her. I suggest not making it a taboo topic....for your DD's sake [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:51 PM Flag
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Thanks are different now -- tall is good! My 5'6" daughter is upset that she is not tall, like her friends. Rejoice in your height! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:03 PM Flag
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np: Agree that things are different now. But clearly OP hasn't been comfortable in the past and doesn't like comments. I don't think it's as easy as deciding that all your previous feelings are invalid and making a choice to like what has always made you uncomfortable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:08 PM Flag
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This. I am 5'7" and pined to be 5'9". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:10 PM Flag
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I'm 5'10" and while my family are all pretty tall, apparently the general population where I live is not, as I get comments all the time about my height. I'm mostly fine with my height but do not appreciate the comments, it's incredibly rude. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:09 PM Flag
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I'm a DH, I'm 6'2" and I have no problems at all with people's height. Stand up nice and tall! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 08:38 PM Flag
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Wow. Always tall . . . we love tall! Tall is great! My DD towers over her classmates . . . never dawned on her to feel bad. People always comment too. Maybe it's us . . . but we love being tall! Embrace the tower! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:14 PM Flag
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^^ Being TALL, in my book, is NEVER a negative any way you slice it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:15 PM Flag
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How were you traumatized by being 5'9"? I was 6' in high school back in the 70's when no females were that size. (Now it seems like tons of HS girls are super-tall). Tall is never a disadvantage. Really, you do need to get over it. You don't actually have a real problem, and it's self-indulgent to dwell on it as if it were so. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:28 PM Flag
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Dude, it's Friday, stop being such a jerk. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:31 PM Flag
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she said she wants to move on, I was just agreeing with her. And it IS dumb, feeling insecure for being 5'9 is like feeling insecure for having brown hair. It's not even a real thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:39 PM Flag
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That's crazy. I'm 5'1" and would love to be 5'9 and that is not that unusual for a woman. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:37 PM Flag
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Ditto. I'm 5'3" and envy tall people. I'm a lawyer and when I litigated, I used to feel like a child when I had to approach the bench. It would have been nice to look straight at the judge, rather than up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:55 PM Flag
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A 5'3" woman can be cute in oversize stuff: imagine if you were a guy that height? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 08:39 PM Flag
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^^besides, you can wear youth sizes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 08:53 PM Flag
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I'm 5'1 and can't wear youth sizes b/c I have curves. But it'd be fun if I could! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 09:20 PM Flag
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I’m 5’9” and love it. I can eat a lot without gaining weight. I turn heads when I enter a room. Men with a tall fetish love me. Women envy me. That said, shoe shopping is a nightmare! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:34 PM Flag
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This isn't tall. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 08:33 PM Flag
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5'9" isn't so very tall - sounds fine to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 08:05 PM Flag
[ - ] LED lights or incandescent for Christmas tree? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:36 PM Flag
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LED less fire risk [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:46 PM Flag
[ - ] All districts will be putting together integration plans in the next few years. I'm trying to picture the D15 changes happening in an area like D2. Thoughts? https://www.chalkbeat.org/posts/ny/2019/11/14/city-council-says-all-nyc-school-districts-must-develop-integration-plans/ 30 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:20 PM Flag
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Why shouldn't all districts do this? I'm a D2 parent btw. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:21 PM Flag
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OP: Maybe they should! Many people might push back on the elimination of screens like grades and test scores. But I'm wondering the same - maybe it's not such a bad thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:24 PM Flag
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D2 is much less diverse and much bigger, so it's a different story, will be harder to execute. And there are two large zoned ms already. First thing: get rid of D2 hs preference, which clearly is insane. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:06 PM Flag
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OP: agree it is not fair, and I'm in D2 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:23 PM Flag
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OR: me too! It is the one thing that is totally indefensible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 01:30 AM Flag
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I support integration, but I also wish they would put money and effort into increasing the quality of all the schools, so people didn't feel a sense of scarcity that creates competition. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:28 PM Flag
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OP: YES. It'd be something if the $16M in recent Imagine Schools grants could actually be used to make ALL the schools better. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:30 PM Flag
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16m is a decent annual bonus for a PE or hedgefund guy. Not enough to make ALL schools "better." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 02:19 AM Flag
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This. Make sure all schools have curriculums in place that challenges students that want to be challenged and support systems to help students who are struggling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:35 PM Flag
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District 13 in Brooklyn seems to have this as an explicit part of what they want to do -- they are a district that got a grant to start this work this year. The reason schools are segregated in D13 has nothing to do with screening, and everything to do with quality/perceived quality. People leave the district after 5th, and proportionately more white people, so you have more intensely segregated middle schools. Most schools have screens, but still don't fill their seats. Probably the most popular school -- MS915/old MS8 -- has no screen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 08:40 PM Flag
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yes and use better, more progressive curriculum and move away from the useless standardized tests and focus on real learning. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 12:31 AM Flag
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Would not change much in D2 given the current demographics and most of the es and ms being pretty good. Look to a district with a greater inequity like D3 for your trolling. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:29 PM Flag
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Thank you. So tired of this conversation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:30 PM Flag
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Ridiculous.What the city needs to do is provide more affordable housing in all districts.This would automatically Crete diversity in schools.No one want to address the core problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:45 PM Flag
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That would not solve the issue of diversity in citywide's [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 09:09 PM Flag
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Wish we had more data on d15 tbh [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:49 PM Flag
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OP: me too - here's an article from yesterday: https://www.chalkbeat.org/posts/ny/2019/11/14/a-push-to-integrate-brooklyn-middle-schools-is-starting-to-show-results-according-to-new-data/ But it will be a while before we have reliable data on how these schools are changing/performing since the admissions changes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:52 PM Flag
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I'd like to see the raw numbers. Like they compare % of white students of entire middle school population YOY. better to know 6th grade population YOY. also, it looks like lots of people did leave. City has a retention issue but D15 doesn't so losing any students is relevant [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:20 PM Flag
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all they are showing is the diversification of the student body. Unfortunately it will be many years before the changing test scores show up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:27 PM Flag
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Me too--I don't quite believe the data. I live in Park Slope in D15 and have not met or even heard of 1 person who took an offer to Dewey or Sunset park prep. I know they exist but they're not in the slope. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:48 PM Flag
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Sunset Park Prep had 17 white kids last year and 26 this year and the year before last 21. Dewey had 25 white kids last year and appears to have 32 this year, but the year before last, they had 39. So, doesn't appear to have changed much. We'll see what the official stats are when they produce the detailed spreadsheet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:14 PM Flag
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Both of these schools decreased their Asian enrollment by a lot. So the integration plan really opened up more desirable schools for motivated poor Asian kids. That's not the intended consequence, but a desirable one for immigrant communities. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:19 PM Flag
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this is always the rub, same thing with Discovery program re SHS: they changed the requirements so you had to be in a high poverty school in order to get more URM, but the fact is that there are LOTS of poor Asians in high poverty schools, so the percentage of Asian kids in Discovery is still high. The situation in NYC is different from anywhere else in the country, where we have a large % of very poor Asian kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 01:37 AM Flag
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I went to integrated schools. Not a big deal. Are we in a time machine? POC exist in NYC! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:38 PM Flag
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OP: Oh I don't think the pushback is about the actual racial integration at all, it seems to be more about the elimination of screens like grades and test scores that select high performers. I know for myself, I don't care what color my kids' classmates are (in fact I'd prefer their classes not be homogenous) as long as they're being taught at an appropriate level. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:47 PM Flag
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Yes, but part of this is realizing that POC don't often get good schools in their neighborhoods and may come from more disadvantaged backgrounds. Sure a POC with a solid MC background will compete on an equal level likely but socio-economics play here. All schools are not equal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:49 PM Flag
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OP: Oh I totally get it, it's just taking me a while to get comfortable with the idea that these schools are going to decrease in their academic quality - they'll need to teach to the mean. It is what it is and sometimes we do what we need to do for the greater good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:04 PM Flag
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People say that, but then you don't have a bunch of white families flocking to a hard core academic but overwhelmingly black school like Medgar Evers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 08:43 PM Flag
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Well I wouldn't b/c I would assume it would be appropriating a spot meant for a POC. Like gentrification. Do you think that would go over well if hundreds of white families decided to send their kids there.? No. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 09:21 PM Flag
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Ah, such things just illuminate how hard this to solve. What I hate is when people act as though it's easy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 01:40 AM Flag
[ - ] Help: 16 DD is absolutely rude to her father and me. We pick her up from school or work, she gets in the car, doesn't say hi or anything and sits in cold silence with her pods in her ears. Treats us like we're in an inconvenience in her life, no smiles, doesn't like hugs, acts like you have the plague if you try and hug her. she is just straight rude. I know this is typical teenager shit, but there is a basic common courtesy as a human that she lacks. She's fine with her friends, of course. We take her everywhere, go out of our way to make things happen for her, and there is no mutual respect. I'm close to canceling all her plans this weekend, which include me driving her and her friends everywhere, taking the damn ear pods, and telling her she's grounded from all extras until she can learn how to be a decent human being to her family. She wasn't raised like this, she was a sweet girl and sensitive and kind, but once she hit 15, it all turned sideways with the attitude and lack of respect. Help! She has a date night with her boyfriend tonight, their 2nd date includes me picking him up, dropping them off at the movies, picking him back up, and dropping him off at home (all 30 minutes from my house). She's been really really looking forward to it. Her first real boyfriend. Do I pull the plug on the date? She was supposed to stay the night at her friend's house to go to a teen dance party thing tomorrow night. I'm already planning to pull the plug on that, but canceling her date will likely make her hate me more, but at this point, she needs a wake-up call. Cant treat people like shit and expect them to want to do anything for you! How can I get this across through her thick head? 56 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:13 PM Flag
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This is a wonderful book: Surviving Your Child's Adolescence. I've read them all and what you (and we) are experiencing is how kids separate from their parents..which is a good thing..cause we don't want them living with us forever. DH and I are consistently polite, loving and collaborative and our son who was all those things before 15 is now surly, unappreciative and ungrateful. Their minds are filled with anxiety, social/academic, they are depressed about their future, et al. I can't believe the privilege in which our son lives, and if you listened to him you would think he was working in a coal mine 6 days a week and bathing in cold water while being beaten with sticks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:16 PM Flag
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sigh. this is us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:18 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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PP: DH and I weren't drifting apart, but it has really forced us to find time for one another, do things together, be kinder towards one another--so that's one upside. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:25 PM Flag
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I can see that happening! That's very good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:30 PM Flag
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PP: Yep, we trust that our sweet kind boy (who worried that our dog, when he was a puppy missed his mother and insists upon using his allowance to create Xmas bags for the homeless) is still in there. There's just a hormonal avalanche covering him.... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:33 PM Flag
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He will. Ours did this between 14-15 but as he is nearing 16 I see glimpses of the original person back. Keeping fingers crossed... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:53 PM Flag
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And btw ours couldn’t watch finding Nemo because it just bothered him too much:) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:54 PM Flag
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This isn't you or your husband. This is adolescence. Remember Catcher in the Rye? Kids are going through their own crap and they aren't even aware that we are there. Do you do anything for fun with her? You haven't listed drinking, drugs, crap grades, problems at school. She's probably brooding 99% of her waking hours and not even aware of you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:29 PM Flag
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no shes good in all other areas aside from how she treats us. that's why i do so much for her. she has a lavish life and it centers around her and her brother. we do individual lunch dates after school on fridays, nails, movies, shopping days. she gets plenty of fun time for her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:32 PM Flag
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PP here: Be honest with her. I told our son: I'm human. When I do things for you and there's never a thank you or acknowledgment it really hurts my feelings. From now on I need you to think about treating me with the same courtesy you would treat a friend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:39 PM Flag
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I told my dd this: what you get as your get older is agency, autonomy, which is great. What you lose is lovely belief that your parents are only there to serve your needs, that they have no feelings or any of their own needs. As you get older, you discover that your parents are human, just like you, and that they deserve the same things that you want for yourself: to be treated with kindness, respect and appreciation. And that if you are bitchy to them, it is painful and does not make them want to do things for you, most of which are actual optional. She sometimes is still unbearable, but it did make an impression. And when I say to her "I have no idea why you are being so unpleasant when I am being very kind to you," I can see in the expression on her face that she gets it. And that's almost enough [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:12 PM Flag
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I use a lot of humor. also, I found that just straight up asking for help with small chores works instead of expecting dd to think of everything that needs to be done by herself. she's not there yet. I agree that letting them know that they hurt your feelings makes a difference. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 12:34 AM Flag
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She may be spoiled. Have you always done everything for her? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:17 PM Flag
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Yes. Spoiled def. So pull the plug on extras? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:19 PM Flag
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So you think this action will totally change her? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:24 PM Flag
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I honestly dont know. Im going in blind here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:26 PM Flag
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Down below: I wouldn't say pull the plug. I'd say: When you drive her to see her boyfriend tell her that in preparation for being on her own she's going to have to figure out ways to get to places on her own. We live in the city and there is lots of public transportation, but our snowflake isn't accustomed to taking it (cause we drive him everywhere.) Don't make it a punishment, make it an opportunity to be adult. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:26 PM Flag
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I wouldn't define it as grounding, but if the relationship isn't a two way street, don't keep your end of the bargain. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:18 PM Flag
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This. Do not go out of your way/inconvenience yourself for her unless she treats you with kindness ans respect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:10 PM Flag
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Start shifting responsibility to her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:18 PM Flag
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How so? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:20 PM Flag
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This isn't rocket science. "Find your own ride." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:21 PM Flag
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I'm saying this cause our son (I posted above) is much the same. He's driven everywhere, he gets everything he wants (he doesn't want that much, but he gets it), his responsibilities are basically getting decent grades and doing his laundry. We've just started giving him money to buy his own food, told him that we expect him to make a least one family meal a week, cleaning his own bathroom. We also call him out when he's being rude with "It wouldn't be appropriate for you to speak to an employer like that. Could you try that again." All of this we are putting in the context of "soon you'll have a job and be on your own so you need to learn these skills." He's an only, we're affluent (we grew up working class) and he takes all his comforts for granted, since he's always lived this way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:24 PM Flag
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Where are you? Why does she not have a driver's license? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:29 PM Flag
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she takes the test next week. ive been teaching her how to drive for the past 6 months. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:33 PM Flag
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Well that will resolve most of your issues. She likely resents still being dependent on you for transportation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:49 PM Flag
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But then she'll always want to borrow the car, leading to another fight. No? I for one would not give a 16 year old her own car. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:30 PM Flag
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Okay. Slow down and don't cancel plans (yet). I could have written this two years ago (and somewhere in the UB archives is likely a *very* similar post!). Is she in 10th grade? That was the low point for us and I was doing the same thing--running around on her behalf, driving her places, doing what I could to make things happen, and her attitude pretty fluctuated between indifferent and downright rude. To some degree, it just has to blow over. When she got her license (which was the summer after 10th grade), it GREATLY improved. I think this age is difficult because their desire for independence outpaces the reality (in terms of transportation, finances, parent permission, etc.). I also went back and forth about canceling things that inconvenienced me so that she could get a clue about how much I was actually doing on her behalf. I'll tell you that I got a lot farther with honey than with vinegar. I'm a hands-on parent and have a high bar for behavior--and I'm not a pushover--so this was really difficult for me. But the truth is that this has to do with her, not you. She's at a difficult age and she will likely take it out on you no matter what you do. If you ground her, I guarantee it will get worse. Yes, you'll make your point, but you won't be improving things. I tried to do a couple of things: 1) Offload some of it to DH. Can he do some driving? Can he step in sometimes? 2) I told her I was not her employee, I'm her mother and I do these things our of love and concern for her happiness and that when she lacks basic civility, she makes her *own* life harder because I'm less inclined to do things for her. 3) I told her that she was hurting my feelings and that behaving as she was, knowing the impact on me (and others in the family), was beneath her and not how she was raised. 4) I REALLY tried to do things with her for fun. Get our nails done, take her to lunch, go shopping, see a movie, whatever. In other words, I worked hard to make some of our interactions more lighthearted and enjoyable for both of us. Ultimately, I'm not sure how much impact these things had and how much of it was just her getting older and maturing. What I can tell you is that as a 17 yo senior, it's TOTALLY different. We get along really well, she seeks me out, she has her own life and a lot of independence and she's 100% easier to live with than she was two years ago. It sucks when you're in the thick of it. In short--and I'm sure I'll be blasted--I don't think I would cancel her plans, but I would tell her that you're disappointed and that you are prepared to rethink allowing her to do these things if she continues to act the way she is. In other words, give her the chance to correct course. GL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:33 PM Flag
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Block text poster is back. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:35 PM Flag
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Yeah, sorry. That was really long. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:38 PM Flag
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but so helpful to me (OP)! I needed to read all of that! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:41 PM Flag
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You're both the same person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:44 PM Flag
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I love this advice, too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:54 PM Flag
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OR. Not at all. But you may recognize me because I do reply to UBers and I really try to be thoughtful and helpful, so sometimes my posts are long. I'll accept the Block Texter moniker. :) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:47 PM Flag
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np -- me too, thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:01 PM Flag
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And, she gives great advice. Go, block text! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:40 PM Flag
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This! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 09:27 PM Flag
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.Agree! Everyone can be so rude- I appreciate when someone takes the time to write a thoughtful and helpful response! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 10:35 PM Flag
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ok, good to know and very helpful. spot on to my situation. thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:36 PM Flag
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THIS 100%. My dd was a nightmare from 15-17, now at 19 she's back to being a thoughtful, kind human being. They need regular reminders of how to behave and more patience than I ever thought I had, but you will get through it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:49 PM Flag
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Same here. And yes, they do emerge from the scorn, disdain and anger phase eventually. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 04:25 PM Flag
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Im not down with oh this is just a tenn tyoe thinking, however i dont get punitive either. After a tough time with my dd, i calmly spoke my dd about her growing autonomy and the responsibility that comes with it. We revisited how all people have feelings and that she could cause real harm in her closest relationships. That her actions, tone and attitude has an impact, she has power to affect how the people around her feel, she is not a little girl, but soon to be completely autonomous woman. How does she want to impact her world? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:28 PM Flag
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this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:30 PM Flag
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Also i dont expect her to respond right then. Just to think about it. Maybe talk again at anither time [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:30 PM Flag
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Have a talk with her about her behavior. Stop giving her things. She sounds spoiled. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:38 PM Flag
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I would stop going out of your way for her, until she at least engages in civilities such as saying hello and thank you and polite conversation. If she can't do that, she can find her own way to get around and $ to pay for it from a job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:39 PM Flag
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I feel like this is doing this resentfully [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:30 PM Flag
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I think your timing stinks and will likely lead to more friction. (Not that there won’t be friction anyway.) This is a conversation, about your objections, expectations and consequences, should have been had before now and then acted upon. To do it precipitously now will just make her the victim in her own eyes. I’d schedule a family meeting over the weekend, tell her what you expect going forward and then act accordingly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:45 PM Flag
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i would just like to talk about the no hugs thing: it is important for your teen girl (and every human) to feel that she controls her body and who touches it. if she doesn't want a hug, she doesn't have to have one or give one. ask first, respect it if she says no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:07 PM Flag
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Have you read Untangled? They address this very issue. When the teen is rude or disrespectful, you nip it in the bud and calmly state that that is not how you speak to people/family members etc. and the next time she wants a favor, you say well the last time you spoke to me it wasn't in the nicest way, so when you work on your behavior and how you treat your parents, then I am happy to drive you to your friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:39 PM Flag
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Agree but you can't just suddenly change the rules . I would have a conversation with her Sunday night and tell her that you and your DH have talked and use the rest in the above super long post that had good advice/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 08:24 PM Flag
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I know how hard it is having a teen, BTDT, and this is textbook teen behavior. You If you escalate the situation you risk an adverse response, such as acting out in ways that are dangerous, sneaky and explosive. Don't try to hug her, but if she's verbally nasty, call her on that. I wouldn't give up driving. I remember seeing a text my kid sent to a friend demeaning us while we were driving to her sports tournament, that was a low point. But it is better not to respond immediately. Do it in a moment of calm. After a few years, this attitude completely changed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 08:50 PM Flag
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I can totally relate. I recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Life-First-Could-Drive-Cheryl/dp/0374528535/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2BVVFYWNYTY8Y&keywords=get+out+of+my+life+but+first+take+me+and+cheryl+to+the+mall&qid=1573855397&sprefix=get+out+of+my+life+but+fi%2Caps%2C193&sr=8-1 Many useful strategies -- much better than pulling the plug on all her activities and starting a civil war in the house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 10:04 PM Flag
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Thank you, everyone, for the great advice. I was ready to go a different direction but your advice gave me plenty to think about. I downloaded the audible versions of the books suggested and am praying to God that I continue to hold onto my patience throughout these years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 10:49 PM Flag
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I think it would be good to approach this as a boundaries issue and an opportunity to teach her boundaries. Don't cancel plans right now. Sit her down and explain boundaries, what yours are, what you expect from her, and what consequences will be if your boundaries are not respected. For example, if someone is disrespectful and rude to me, I do not drive them around for social events all weekend because that makes me feel used and so I will not be doing that anymore. This is a great resource: https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 04:41 PM Flag
[ - ] any london moms on? we are going for a few days over xmas break, looking at airbnb’s and trying to choose between the convent garden and victoria station areas - which one is better for families with little kids who want minimal walking to the main attractions? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:00 PM Flag
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Both are quite touristy and crowded, Victoria can be a little seedy but is next to Belgravia which is beyond fancy. From Victoria you can walk to Buckingham Palace, from Covent Garden you can walk to Picadilly Circus and Trafalgar Square (I'm talking easy walk, all these things are actually walkable from both locations) Not sure what else you want to see but you will definitely need to take tube or bus to see everything, the bus is really easy and you get to see stuff along the way. Victoria is better for bus access, the 11 will take you to a lot of places you want to go [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:01 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone find it harder to leave your children as they get older? Mines are 8 and 11. Dh wants to go on a trip this winter but I'm worried about the kids. The last time we went away, two years ago, everything fell off. The kids got bad grades that week, my mother let them skip their activities, ds got sick and my mom didn't handle it well. 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:14 PM Flag
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But, kids are resilient. And practice makes perfect. You should go away. Kids need to realize their parents are not there only for them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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I like to travel with my older (same ages) kids. Don't find them hard to leave per se... the kids will be fine even if wheels fall off for a week... but I want to be with them on these trips and adventures. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:21 PM Flag
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OP: I really like to travel with my kids too, but we are already taking them out of school in December for a trip. Due to work schedules this would have to happen during a school week and it's just not possible to take them twice. These really are the perfect travel years, they are old enough to carry their own stuff and roll with the punches but they are still easily amazed! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:27 PM Flag
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Their grades fell off? How long were you gone? "Let them skip their activities?" So I guess they do not like their activities. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:26 PM Flag
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They like their activities but like being lazy with grandma more. My kids have test every Friday and their grades that Friday were not good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:29 PM Flag
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My mom died not long ago, and I think your kids are getting a lot from short stints of being lazy with grandma. I just can't imagine that one test takes the wheels off, but if it does, maybe you could hire a babysitter on Thursday who would come and help them with homework? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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I've rereading my post and realize that I do sound a bit like a tiger mom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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Ok, that's life. If their schooling depends on that thin a margin that missing 1 session is going to make it downward spiral, I wish you luck for their future. Time with grandmas are pure gold. That can't be replaced. Remember that when your mom is gone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:55 PM Flag
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This. I think you are worried about the wrong things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:44 PM Flag
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I find the opposite. Dd 12 goes to sleep away camp for weeks, spends time away with her dad, ans between the two of us travels all over the country and world. I like that she is old enough to write and text and reach out and explain if anything bothers or upsets her and understands how long she will be away for. I hated it when i first divorced and she could not. Dd four still comes into bed with us in the middle of the night, needs me to put her to bed and has never spent a night away. I can’t imagine taking a trip without her at this point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:34 PM Flag
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Howw was do grades for a week matter at 8 and 11 let alone 6 and 9? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:55 PM Flag
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Mines? Really? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:13 PM Flag
[ - ] Can anyone on here recommend an affordable, fun venue/restaurant to hold a graduation party? I'm looking for a good venue for 8th grade graduation that won't cost a small fortune, The venue our school used to used is sadly closed. Probably 150 people, max. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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Where? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:12 PM Flag
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Manhattan, preferably UWS, but can go down lower. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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DS's K-8 school did one at Dinosaur Barbecue, kids seemed to have fun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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That was our go-to. I've heard they don't do events like that anymore. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:49 PM Flag
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Thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:50 PM Flag
[ - ] How long to you keep your young child home from school when they are coughing/sneezing but no fever? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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My kids are still little, but this is basically their health status Halloween through New Years, until their immune system builds up for that season. So not at all? All of the kids in my son’s daycare have stuffy noses, coughs, etc. constantly. Parents aren’t keeping them home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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+100000000. I would have the department of children’s services knocking on my door for educational neglect if I kept my kids home from school every time the they a feverless cough, sniffle ect. The rule of thumb is you stay home for fever, vomiting, regular watery stool, strep, pink eye, lice and rash. No fever for 24 hours without meds, most of the others require doctor’s clearance and/or 24 hours of meds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:27 PM Flag
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0 - your child has a cold. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:29 PM Flag
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THey go to school with tissues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:30 PM Flag
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I wouldn't keep them home for this. Our pre-school was very clear and said that if they miss school for colds, they will never be in school. Besides, they were probably contagious before the symptoms started anyway, so you aren't spreading any germs that haven't already been spread. Keep them home with fever, vomiting, diarrhea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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0 days [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:36 PM Flag
[ - ] At what grade did your DC's school switch from 1-4 grading to A/B/C/D or 1-100 grading? Public or private. Just curious. 4 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:56 PM Flag
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I think it was around 5th grade. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:57 PM Flag
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middle school I think. K-8 public [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:05 PM Flag
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middle school nyc public [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:30 PM Flag
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5th grade [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:48 PM Flag
[ - ] What grade do kids start identifying the "popular" crowd? In a bigger school is it less obvious? 73 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:39 PM Flag
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Think back to when you were a kid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:40 PM Flag
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I don't think I really focused on it. maybe 6th grade? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:42 PM Flag
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Then there are probably a lot of kids out there like you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:43 PM Flag
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This. I remember Stacey, Allison and Amy were the most popular in elementary school. They went to three different schools in our town. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:44 PM Flag
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^i didn’t stress over that type of thing until jr high. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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For us this very clearly started in fourth grade, at least for boys. It was like night and day; from one day to the next. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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really? what defined the group separation? sports? personality? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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poster above--- I found the "popular" kid/kids were actually particularly unfriendly and not so likable, but were "cool", and often play the right sports and have the right clothes- and expensive things like sneakers or fitbits [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:30 PM Flag
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yup [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 02:46 PM Flag
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5th grade, in my dd's case. It's not that the "popular" kids are particularly likeable or friendly. It's that there's a core group of about 8 kids who always hang out and do activities together all the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:46 PM Flag
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how are they similar? outgoing? like the same activity? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:58 PM Flag
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Or: They live in the same neighborhood, their parents are friends, they play on the same teams. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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poster above--- this exactly. I found the "popular" kid/kids were actually particularly unfriendly and not so likable, but were "cool", and often play the right sports and have the right clothes- and expensive things like sneakers or fitbits [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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YES. I read a good definition -- they are the group of kids that most desire to be like the other kids they hang around. Conformists. Clones. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 02:09 AM Flag
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Usually this comes down to following fashion like sheep and doing activities that are deemed cool. It has nothing to do with likability. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 02:11 AM Flag
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For us (small school) it started in 3rd and has become increasingly clear in 4th. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:48 PM Flag
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what made one group the "popular" group? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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For boys it's athletics and social skills. For girls, social skills and looks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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yeah makes sense. so what if you have a DD with great personality, gets along w everyone and very well liked but not best looking. does personality go farther than looks? or vice versa [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:05 PM Flag
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doubt it. think of the real world. good looking girls always have a leg up [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:12 PM Flag
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np - For girls, sadly, I do think looks trump all when it comes to popularity :( [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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but the prettiest girl who is on the quiet side will not really be popular . right? or maybe when it comes to dating things will shift [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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Growing up the most popular girl in my grade was not attractive and was overweight. However she was extremely mature for her age thanks to her parents dragging her to regular nyc high profile social events, and she had tons of money and connections. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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yes maturity and money goes a long way [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:12 PM Flag
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it's not always the best looking but the most confident outgoing girls who wear the latest trends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:54 PM Flag
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this. I think a lot is personality [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:06 PM Flag
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yes, but it's a certain personality. most really want to be popular, and are focused on staying popular. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 08:49 PM Flag
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A girl like this will make good-quality friendships, which is most important. Being "Popular" in the clique sense is not really based as much on being nice and kind as being someone who can successfully control social settings (in both a good and bad sense). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:55 PM Flag
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and what about the kids w the great looks and timid personality? I see this in DCs classes and timid kids seem to keep to themselves. seems lonely to me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:03 PM Flag
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np. from what i see, it's not a matter of timid, it's a matter of social skills. She's not a loud kid at all, she's fairly quiet but she has good social skills. You sit down with her one-on-one and she's really easy to talk to. She has a lot of friends. The kids who seem to struggle are those who can't seem to keep up their end of a conversation if someone approaches them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:24 PM Flag
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yeah totally makes sense [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:46 PM Flag
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^ and by she, I meant my DD. Typing while distracted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:14 PM Flag
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OR - For boys, athletics and seems to also be those with older siblings. They are just a bit more "mature" which makes them seem cool to the kids. I'll admit I'm surprised with the boys it's not about looks yet. My DS is quite good looking but doesn't seem to matter because he's immature and not terribly athletic, so he's fallen in with the dorkier crowd. Which I'm totally ok with, they are MUCH more innocent seeming than the "popular" ones. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:12 PM Flag
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makes so much sense re older sibling. I see the same w mine. older one is quite good looking but dorkier. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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I could have written your post, that's my ds too. I've decided to not worry about the immaturity, he'll catch up and it's not all bad. He happily plays make believe with his little sister still. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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aw cute! that's my older DD too. seems so much younger than her peers w older siblings [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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My child goes to a small school and while there's a definite group of 'popular' kids, they are all fairly nice and inclusive with each other. My ds is not in the popular group but he still gets along with those kids fine, has a few close friends and his own interest. I could be naive but I think importance you place on this type of thing as a parent affects your child. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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Plus in the middle years their personalities are changing and they are maturing at different rates; consequently their friend group is pretty fluid. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:02 PM Flag
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so true. I am seeing this right now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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I place no emphasis. I just find it fascinating and I have no clue who is considered "popular" yet in my DCs classes. both middle school [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:02 PM Flag
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And, what would you gain by knowing this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:08 PM Flag
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nothing. the whole thing just fascinates me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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Wow. Okay. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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I agree so much. My son was in the popular group and I am close with all of their moms. They dropped him and a few others in 4th grade. I encouraged him to make new friends and did not focus one bit on their level of popularity. The other two boys kept trying to text the moms to get the kids to hang out. The boys are not in 7th and my son is not popular but he has many friends and is liked by everyone. The other two boys are still trying to get in with the popular group. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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np: This - the hangers on kids are often the meanest and the worst. My son was also dropped in 4th and found his tribe in middle school - he's thriving and happy and a real individual. I'm so proud of him. I had little to do with it to be honest - I just talked him up at home and didn't emphasize his lack of social plans for about a good 2 years. I kept him super busy with family and old family friends. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:46 PM Flag
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Right. I encouraged him to try to hang with different kids and he did and all was fine. The popular boys are not awful at all. They are mostly nice kids but there are other nice kids. I believe it is important to have a bunch of friends but it does not matter if they are popular or not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 11:48 AM Flag
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This is so so true. In the younger grades, a lot can be engineered and some moms go all in on making sure their kids do all the same activities, camps, etc. And then you ultimately lose control. I have kept my friendships separate from my children's at the school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:14 PM Flag
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7th grade seemed to be the time. But maybe talked about it earlier like 5th grade. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:03 PM Flag
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so were the groups shifting a lot btwn 5th and 7th? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:08 PM Flag
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Well our kids went to a new school in 6th (as did I) and there was a larger group of kids to make alliances with. Yes, there seemed to be solidifying of those friendship groups in 7th grade. I remember a lot of girls (at least that's who I knew of ) that stopped being friends with one another and some kids sitting apart in the cafeteria at lunch. I stopped being bf's with a girl and found a whole new group to be friends with. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:12 PM Flag
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It started at the end of 4th beginning of 5th. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:12 PM Flag
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It can happen in late third grade or fourth grade. I think a lot depends on the parents. Some will be inclusive of the whole grade till middle school and some will start sorting their kids into cliques early on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:17 PM Flag
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but parent led clique organizing doesn't mean the kids will all be friends. I have seen this first hand . the kids sort themselves out on their own [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:23 PM Flag
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This. by fourth grade the parent cliques are over. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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exactly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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Also agree. Some kids are included with “popular” group in elementary school by virtue of parent friendships - invited to parties, play dates. In middle school, there is a big shake-up ands kids that didn’t really fit with popular kids are dropped. This is sad for the dropped kids, but can work out better if they find a group with similar interests. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:36 PM Flag
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yes so true. this happened to my DS. still friendly w the group but not "in" the group but has found other friends. and I am still friendly w the parents. it is all fine the way it works out if you don't force anything too much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:45 PM Flag
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Me too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 11:49 AM Flag
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Yes, so true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 11:49 AM Flag
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Definitely by 3rd grade, small school and the teacher was eager to identify with the popular group. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:27 PM Flag
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the teacher? what do you mean by this? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:28 PM Flag
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It was a very small school; one kid took charge of "the group" and the rest of the kids were sort of the outcasts. The teacher, who was young and inexperienced, supported the group and let the leader get away with a lot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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6th grade [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:30 PM Flag
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My HS class was 450 and the popular crowds across race/ethnicity were obvi. Ditto for when I was in MS. DCs attend a smaller school. "Popular" crowd in their school seems to have many subsets. DC1 is in thick of it in that grade and DC2 straddles different groups, some sorta popular and others not. For DC1, a number of the "popular" kids have parents who also run in a pack. Little less for DC2. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 10:20 PM Flag
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I attended a 7-9 middle school, four elementary schools merging into one. Three lunch periods and only knew 4 girls from old school during our assigned lunch. About a month into the year, one of the four girls and I decided to ditch the other two and to start eating lunch with the "popular" crowd, who had asked us to join. The one girl never really held a grudge about it, but the other one, understandably, will still not accept my FB request, even though we hung out in the same group for a fair amount of college. FWIW, I have mainly been part of the "popular" parent crowds at the three schools my DCs have attended since PreK, but I really endeavor to be friends with all parents and think people see me as a person they can approach at school events when they may not know someone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 10:33 PM Flag
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So you think. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 01:46 AM Flag
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You sound awful. Suspect you’re wrong about how you are perceived. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 05:19 AM Flag
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This!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 11:50 AM Flag
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Ugh, what a douchebag [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 02:14 PM Flag
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This post is full of insecure moms. How sad to read this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 02:15 PM Flag
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For both of my kids, they started to use this term around 3rd/4th grade but the meaning (and the people) changed in middle school (6th grade). There were a few clear "leaders" of the popular cliques but the others tended to come in and out throughout middle school. There is a lot of research on this and kids identified as "popular" in this middle school stage are the ones who push the envelope. Breaking rules is seen as "cool" at this age. I agree with others that it tends to be the more mature (physically and socially) who look, act and dress "older". Usually there are one or two leaders and then a bunch of followers. But, all in all, the "popular" cliques are not very big and certainly not literally the most popular in terms of most kids liking them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 02:16 PM Flag
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So many parents get caught up in this, we tend to project our own experiences onto our kids and try to prevent whatever we didn't like from happening to our kids. The social engineering is crazy and always seems to backfire. Having had a kid in the popular crowd and own who isn't, my advice would be to encourage your kids to hang out with people they actually like, and who like them, and to have different groups (school, sports, music, camp, whatever). Educate your children about what "popular" actually means, they aren't usually the kids that are the most liked or likable. I'd venture to guess that the "popular" kids in middle school are among the least happy. There is a lot of pressure to do "cool" things, dress "cool", hang out with the right people, get invited to the right parties, etc. This group tends to get involved with things earlier (social media, sex, drinking, drugs) and many parents are in denial about this. Plenty of time for all of that in college ;-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 02:52 PM Flag
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Good advice. With my DC, the most important component of all this has been to have different groups of friends from different activities. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 04:21 PM Flag
[ - ] Random question but: what do you use as a kitchen rug? I need something that's somehow washable, not finding anything great. Ideas or suggestions? thank you!! 14 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:32 PM Flag
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i use a cushioned mat that's made of linoleum or something, i think it's called a chef mat. totally wipeable [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:49 PM Flag
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OP: interesting, thanks for responding- so nothing decorative. I think those mats are thick and made of silicone, right? Cushy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:55 PM Flag
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I use a gel mat--comes in colors . Mine is red. It's wipeable/moppable. Comes in a variety of lengths. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:04 PM Flag
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why do you need one? I used to use one and it got gross. Now I have nothing and its great [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:06 PM Flag
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OP: the floor is tile so it feels- and looks- kind of cold. I have a cheap cotton H&M which was washable but they fall apart pretty quickly [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:40 PM Flag
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I use an indoor/outdoor rug. Not washable (maybe I could hose it), but it doesn't show dirt and I can vacuum it. This is for near the range and sink, not under a table. So it's for function not beauty. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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OP: thanks, I was thinking of this- they're recycled plastic or something, right? That's not weird indoors? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:37 PM Flag
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Have you heard of the brand Ruggable - I have no clue on it other than it shows up WAY too much in my facebook feed as an ad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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OP: this is also why I'm asking--- I was looking at Ruggable but it seems the quality isn't terrific and the rugs fray, which is nuts for the $100+ price tag. And, yes, it was on my Facebook feed! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:37 PM Flag
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I use one meant for the bathroom, so it's non slip [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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Target. Laytner's Linens on the UWS is good, too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:24 PM Flag
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I use rubbery foamy mats I found at Costco that has cushion. I’ve seen a similar but much better one from William Sonoma that’s very nice [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:48 PM Flag
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No rug in the kitchen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:13 PM Flag
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Washable bathroom rug from Ikea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:15 PM Flag
[ - ] How much do you pay for home insurance on a condo in Manhattan, we have a 3 bed, 3 bath in a new bldg and pay about 4500 which I have a feeling is a lot. Having a tough time going through all these quotes. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:28 PM Flag
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Just make sure you're not getting coverage that's overlapping with your condo association's coverage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:33 PM Flag
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we have a bigger condo (4/3.5) with a $2M umbrella and only have paid $600/y over the last 10y. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:39 PM Flag
[ - ] What are some reasons that a child in pre-k might have a classroom aide ? Nyc public, there is no obvious physical disability. 46 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:05 PM Flag
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We met with dc’s teacher last night, she referred to the new student and she was acting really coy / euphemistic about the “new student”. She seemed very surprised that dc hadn’t mentioned him. Now I’m wondering why all the mystery. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:08 PM Flag
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Not her job to be the gossip for you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:11 PM Flag
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OP: I agree. I can’t figure out why she even brought it up ? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:17 PM Flag
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If that is an accurate reflection of how the teacher behaved, I would be more concerned about that than gossiping about another pre-K student. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:12 PM Flag
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OP: yes, sorry I didn’t make myself very clear. The teacher is generally very warm and I was surprised that she was acting so weird about the whole thing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:14 PM Flag
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Still none of your business even if she wasn't artful in her communication. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:21 PM Flag
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Op: well, yes and no. Either it could be something that could affect the other students, such as disruptive behavior, or, it could be something totally under control. If the latter, there is no reason to bring it up. If the former, I might talk to my daughter about acceptance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:41 PM Flag
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Sure, because everything is about you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:44 PM Flag
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I don’t even understand this response... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:51 PM Flag
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OP's post rubbed me the wrong way from the very beginning. Just my observation, but I bet OP rubs a lot of people the wrong way in real life. Hence my snark. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:53 PM Flag
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Faulty logic. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:14 PM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:26 PM Flag
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Why? It's called ethics. It's against the law for teachers to talk to other parents about another student. They could be fired. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:04 PM Flag
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OP yes that is exactly why I am puzzled by this teacher. She had the option to either: 1. not mention the new student at all, or 2. Inform us that a new student had joined the class, but not mention he had an aide or imply there was anything different about him. She was acting like that old Monty Python sketch “wink, wink. Say no more” [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:16 PM Flag
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OP: honestly, it seemed almost like the teacher had a problem with this kid. She made a point of telling me that my dc asked her if she was ok and if this new kid had hurt her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:18 PM Flag
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Well, that's tacky then. Or maybe she knew parents would wonder who the other adult in the class was, (another teacher maybe) so she had to give out a minimum of information. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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Autism? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:12 PM Flag
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They can be a health para for kids with severe allergies, heart issues, diabetes, etc. They can be a crisis para for kids that go into crisis when upset. the child may have autism. The child may be a wanderer. There are many reasons. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:17 PM Flag
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Thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:18 PM Flag
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Exactly. Not all disabilities or health issues are visible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:19 PM Flag
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This would be my first thought as well. Many disabilities are chronic without constant symptoms (like seizure metabolic, or neurological, disorders). When DC was in elementary, there was a classroom aide for some students with significant delays or learning disorders. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:33 PM Flag
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I know one for a child with diabetes. The child has no obvious disability, but the para is there to help regulate blood sugar, help monitor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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A kid in my DC's class is legally blind. You can't tell by looking at him. He's had an aide since kindergarten. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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I know a child like this too. Needs super magnified text, etc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:49 PM Flag
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Why would a disability be physical and/or obvious? Pretty myopic view, if you ask me. The kid might have an emotional disability. Or ADD/ADHD. Or any other number of challenges. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:31 PM Flag
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Op: yes, of course. I was just pointing out that we can eliminate that possibility. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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These responses are cracking me up. You are all so full of shit. All these posters saying MYOB would be wondering the same thing if it was their special snueflakes. Nobody wants a disruptive spaz in their kids class. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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Hey there, glad you got that out of your system early today. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:51 PM Flag
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You mean like you? Maybe you need an aide to be on this board. lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:05 PM Flag
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You'd better hope your kids never develop epilepsy or a host of other chronic disabling medical conditions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:09 PM Flag
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My kids have always had a kid with an aide in their class. Life is not perfect and they sometimes deal with disruptions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:14 PM Flag
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Kids learn empathy when having other kids in their life that aren't perfect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:20 PM Flag
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I wish this were true, but mostly you are just parroting the line. I am 100% cool with inclusion (my kids have had several paras in their classes), but I don''t notice an uptick in empathy among the other kids in inclusion classes. One of my kids is super empathetic and the other not so much, but it their personalities. Neither my vigilance about modeling/teaching it nor having SN kids in their classes has had much of an impact. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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Well, either case the world is full of people who are different from one another. Having a child that appears different is a step in understanding this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:46 PM Flag
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Actually, I just think the benefit is just for the kid with a para-- being mainstreamed. I don't think the effect on the other kids is measurably positive, though that is the oft-repeated line. Kids in a gen ed already are exposed to a variety of problems/abilities. Mostly they regard kids with sn as disruptive, but that's just the way it goes, no big deal. And the mainstreamed kid does better socially than if they are separated. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:26 PM Flag
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Well as a parent of a child with a disability (not cognitive, more medical) I would argue that all children require the least restrictive environment. So having an aide and being taken out of a class if being loud or possibly disrupting a classroom is better for them than a specialized classroom where they are segregated. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:50 PM Flag
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If you read my post, you know I agree. I'm just saying that that is good for the sn kid, but neutral or sometimes negative for the non sn kids. I still think it's good policy, but I think it's disingenuous to suggest that it's always a win-win, that it "helps the other kids have empathy." Having been through the system with three kids, I just don't see that, even if I support Least Restrictive Environment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 10:08 PM Flag
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New OR. I agree. I am all for it, 100%, but no, it is not necessarily positive for everyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 01:00 AM Flag
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"Nobody wants a disruptive spaz" may be the single nastiest thing I've seen on this board this year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:44 PM Flag
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Mine had an aide for a while due to life-threatening allergies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:05 PM Flag
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Issues with emotional self-regulation, mild autism, sensory integration disorder, learning disability e.g., auditory processing disorder. Also, there is something called "none of your business", which is what this is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:20 PM Flag
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Previous poster not with standing, it truly is none of your damn business. In my child'd case it was to notice 'absence' seizures and help with getting back on track when they were done and also to manage 'grand mal' seizures when they happened. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:42 PM Flag
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Autism. And to the "disruptive spaz" poster, go fuck yourself, you rotten person. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:07 PM Flag
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DS had a parapro while visiting the transitional kindergarten class. He's on the spectrum, and wasn't a danger or a "spaz," but the district wanted him having increasingly longer supervised visits in an inclusive classroom before recommending him for a full-time inclusion classroom. It was part of the transition. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 10:10 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone watching RHONJ? 16 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:50 PM Flag
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I find I am finally over all of those things And have stopped watching. I was once really addicted. A more petty, self absorbed group of women I cannot imagine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:04 PM Flag
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I do. Teresa is such an idiot. I enjoy Marge and Dolores. Jennifer's also an idiot. Jackie I'm neutral on. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:33 PM Flag
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I was really sad for Jennifer's daughter being bullied by her former friends and couldn't help but think a lot of it must be because her mom is on the show. right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:36 PM Flag
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OR: I don't know if it's specifically about her mom being on the show. I feel like that stuff happens with girl friend groups with some frequency. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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ugh so sad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:09 PM Flag
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and then her mom is using it as her storyline bc she has none except for getting plastic surgery. Awful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:07 PM Flag
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and then her mom is using it as her storyline bc she has none except for getting plastic surgery. Awful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:07 PM Flag
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totally! that poor kid [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:53 PM Flag
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As nuts as Teresa is, I never get sick of her. I could watch that bonkers family forever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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yes! agree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:51 PM Flag
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Can I introduce the possibility that this is all an...act? For show? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:47 PM Flag
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This is not a new idea. Everybody knows its not real life. Nobody is watching for the accuracy, its entertainment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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exactly but then when they have the kids on talking about real issues it makes me sad [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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of course. but I was really sad last night watching it when they had an 11 yr old girl talk abut getting made fun of at school by her former friends. I assume part of it is because her mom is on the show [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:00 PM Flag
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I am. Were Roseann and Roseanna supposed to be new cast members? They've just randomly been in scenes but barely and I have a feeling they filmed and then got edited out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:15 PM Flag
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I was wondering that too! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:49 PM Flag
[ - ] A recruiter reached out to me re: a position at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. I believe I've seen posts on here before from someone who relocated there. It would be a good job opportunity for me. Does anyone have info on schools, etc.? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:34 PM Flag
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I don't know about schools, but know some people living there (older without school aged children), and I have visited. there's a very wealthy area where a lot of the doctor's live. in general, it's mostly nice houses and very clean, etc.. I'm sure that you'll be able to find decent schools with all the smart people in that town. IBM also has a big office/campus in Rochester. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 12:49 AM Flag
[ - ] DD is applying for private middle. Is it pointless to apply to TT and 2T if her 5th grade 1st term report card in November is all 3s? 4th grade was all 4s. So disappointed because grades always go up later in the year, but schools won’t see that because I have to submit most recent report card now. 75 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:33 PM Flag
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They don't care about that at all. As long as her ISEEs and the test she takes at the school (for the single sex schools) is good she will be just fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:53 PM Flag
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Thanks for your response. I am shocked. I did this once before with older DD and thought they really cared about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:02 PM Flag
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They care about the teacher report, I know they actually talked to my DD's fifth grade teacher. But as far as numbers, the fourth grade test scores and year end report card are far more relevant than first report card of fifth grade. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:26 PM Flag
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Ok. It seems like none of the schools ask for the 4th grade test scores. They ask for school transcript but that does not include test scores. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:27 PM Flag
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At our school the transcript did include the test scores, I got a copy. But it has been a couple years so it may have changed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:31 PM Flag
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^^^the test scores were mentioned during our parent interview at two schools so I know they were sent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:31 PM Flag
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Interesting. Question was not asked at any of our interviews. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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Usually the school report is sent very late in the process-- well after the interview. So don't think schools would have this info. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:16 PM Flag
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teachers who write the report are 5th grade, so if your dc isn't shining early in the year, you're kind of screwed [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:39 PM Flag
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no at all true. 4th grade is more important, and teacher report, but the problem is that if you kid isn't doing super-well the teacher reports aren't going to be great [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:34 PM Flag
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Is this really true? I can't imagine the teacher would submit a negative report without telling parents. If not super-glowing, but all other scores and factors are strong, I wouldn't think this is an issue. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:04 PM Flag
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Nope. Super-glowing is the key. One of my kids had 8899 with v strong grades but is a bit of a wise-ass; other had 7887 with slightly weaker grades but is a total goody good. Guess who got a better result? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:28 PM Flag
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How important are the tests at the schools? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:09 PM Flag
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We applied last year, and my sense was the ISEE and school visit/interview were more relevant. This is for a variety of schools, from the most desired (on this board) to the less desired (on this board). My assumption was that they are pretty tuned into the arbitrariness of DOE grading, and use the standards they know (ISEE) and the visits to make their assessments. I could certainly be wring, but that is how it looked to us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:55 PM Flag
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Sounds valid. Thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:19 PM Flag
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Again, not at all true. They are aware of the rep and grading at most of the schools from which people apply. At our interview at HM, we met the HoA (was interviewed by someone else) and when we said dd went to NEST he said "Wow she must be pretty sharp." FWIW, I thought that was idiotic and so not true and we didn't like the school anyway). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:38 PM Flag
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I’m not sure what this means in terms of the report card. All DOE schools have same 1-4 standards. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:03 PM Flag
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Because they regard a 4 from NEST as more "valuable" than a 4 from a gen ed [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:29 PM Flag
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DOE rubric is the same for gen ed and G & T. Signed, G & T mom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:04 PM Flag
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Doesn't matter. They assume that kids who got 4s at NEST are "smarter" than kids who get them at PS 34. That's just the way it is. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 10:12 PM Flag
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Wow. Totally false. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 01:09 AM Flag
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I didn't say it was true, I just said they think it's true. Kind of a no-brainer. And it's one reason they want the ISEE. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 02:20 AM Flag
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I'm sure this was just a throw-away comment intended to be complimentary. Why take issue? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:07 PM Flag
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OR: Yes, I know he was trying to be nice, but it just seemed icky to me somehow [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:30 PM Flag
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really? the HoA is paying a compliment/trying to put you and DC at ease and it seemed icky? DK about your IQ, but your EQ is dreadful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 10:04 PM Flag
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What can I tell ya? If I'd said he said that and it made me feel great and special you'd have lambasted me. I don't like assumptions about giftedness, and I was uncomfortable because it was in a hallway of people. As for EQ, mine's pretty great and so is my kid's. IQ--no idea! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 10:33 PM Flag
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I would not inflate what the HoA said - again, he was making small talk. I know everyone in that office. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 01:34 AM Flag
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There were other reasons we didn't dig the place, that was minor. Great campus and facilities though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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why the pivot? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 02:35 AM Flag
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We must have had a different experience from yours. We were applying from a good school; but, what contitutes a 4 and what consitutes a 3 for any given teacher, from any given school varies widely. Never a discussion about grades or scores. Then again, my child did not go to NEST. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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This is concerning. I am in a Westchester school district. A teacher actually told me that a kid could get 100 on all their tests and still get a 3 if the curriculum does not allow them to do advanced work to earn a 4. I found this absolutely puzzling, as my daughter does very well in math (92-100 on all tests) and will still end up with a 3/3+. Come 4th/5th grade we are faced with applying to privates with this grading policy. Does NYC publish its grading policy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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Is DD in NYC public? There are not 1st term report cards out yet, so assume not? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:02 PM Flag
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Yes. Some schools have handed out report cards, believe it or not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:15 PM Flag
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Can't be--DOE only releases these at end of term. In January. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:16 PM Flag
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no. First marking period ends in Nov. Schools tell you to wait to ask for recommendations till early DEc so teachers "get to know your child better." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:32 PM Flag
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OK, your child must be in middle school now? Elementary schools don't have this marking period. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:37 PM Flag
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In Westchester, they do in elementary school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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Incorrect. Maybe your elementary school doesn’t, but ours does. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:13 PM Flag
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NY DOE? The only report cards are in January. Do you mean a school progress report? Those are unofficial and not provided. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:45 PM Flag
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JAnuary and June [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:45 PM Flag
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Not true. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 09:24 PM Flag
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We just got report cards at PT conference in NYC. Report cards have been given out in Nov for the 22 years I have been working in the doe. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 11:31 AM Flag
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Ours did as well. November. March and June. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 03:20 AM Flag
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False. I have a report card. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 09:24 PM Flag
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What is wrong with 3s? That is grade level, so should not be perceived as a negative. If ISEE scores are 7+, I don't think there will be a concern about academics. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:06 PM Flag
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Ok. No idea about scores yet. It’s a hard test! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:16 PM Flag
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Not really, actually. But it is a hard test to score high because there are some sections that require a perfect score to get a 9. Miss 2-3, and you're at a 7. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:18 PM Flag
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Because she's competing against kids whose TEACHERS AWARD 4's for the same standards. Now, I don't now if OP's DD deserves 4's, but there seems to be some very unclear grading policies under this recent system. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:19 PM Flag
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That's true, but I think this is more of an issue for the DOE middle school process given how numbers-based it is. For privates, they know these standards are highly subjective. Hence, the reliance on ISEE. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:22 PM Flag
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not true. The more selective schools want your child from public to have all 4s, and then at least 7s and 8s on ICEE (my dc got into 2 tt schools with 7879). And they want glowing teacher recs. They don't want your child to be at DoE grade level and they weight teacher recs and interviews very strongly. Same with K admissions. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:36 PM Flag
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Exactly my thoughts. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:48 PM Flag
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Yes, but it is arbitrary mid-year. So many schools give 3s now and 4s later to show improvement. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:29 PM Flag
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^^beginning of the year [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:29 PM Flag
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Agreed. But private school apps go out mid year. Also, my Westchester elementary school gives out "pluses" instead of straight 1,2,3,4. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:45 PM Flag
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None of these are official report cards, right? These are just interim progress reports. This does not go to schools. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:46 PM Flag
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that is why they want both grade 4 and beginning of grade 5. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 10:03 PM Flag
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I'm tired of this grading system. I don't mind them grading standards, but this 1/2/3/4/ crap is frustrating. My daughter has a 94 average in math, but gets a 3 on the November report card on all her "math standards." WHY?!! So despite her study efforts and getting great scores, she's JUST PROFICIENT?! Can someome please explain this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:17 PM Flag
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It sounds like a 3 is appropriate here. How do you justify that she is above grade level at this point? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:20 PM Flag
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The point of standards grade report card, if you read the literature, is to measure mastery. This concept of "above grade level" imakes no sense. Are they testing for that? No . . . they test for mastery of the curriculm as it is introduced. At the end of any marking period, did my child "master" the work ACTUALLY GIVEN (another tenet of the standards based grading policy) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:51 PM Flag
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Yiu can't grade a student on work NOT GIVEN. I'll link an article. It's all BS. good for the SD that got rid of this ridiculous policy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:53 PM Flag
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And please explain why you think a 3 is appropriate? While it is not incorrect to say a 94 average is atleast proficient, it is also MORE than proficient in terms of assessing mastery. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 06:48 PM Flag
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It is only November. If she gets 94s all year she will end with a 4. Some kids may excel at on be math topic but the teacher needs to see performance on a variety of topics. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 11:34 AM Flag
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How do you know she has a 94 average? Are you just looking at the tests she has taken in class? When my dc was in es, I had no idea of her numerical average [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:37 PM Flag
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At parent-teacher conference, she showed me ALL of her math tests and the grades. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:56 PM Flag
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Her teacher also announces to the class who received 90 or above after each exam . . . ugh! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 05:58 PM Flag
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Just calm down--you sound way too worked up about this. These are NOT grades, and you should not read them that way. You should be taking the feedback you get from the teacher and working on things. Obviously teacher thinks there is room for improvement, so work on that. Clearly if it were a letter grade your DC would get an A, but that's not the point of these standards-based scores. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:50 PM Flag
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Well, last year. Same thing. They gave her a 3+ in math. Same average on math tests. Apparently, NYC doesn't even do pluses. So annoyed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.17.19, 01:00 AM Flag
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^^3+ at the end of the year^^ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.17.19, 01:01 AM Flag
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My dd applied from a Westchester school with 4s in the 4th grade state tests and 9889 and got in TT schools. 6th grade entry. She also interviewed well was doing sports. Dh and I went to non HYP Ivy. She got in everywhere w this resume [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:42 PM Flag
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Duh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.16.19, 11:00 AM Flag
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I'm thinking you are referring to some interim progress report, not a report card. These are unofficial and do not go to the schools. Please calm down. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 07:48 PM Flag
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It’s a report card. Not a progress report. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 09:22 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.17.19, 01:02 AM Flag
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Yes, don't apply. Don't need competition! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 11:22 PM Flag
[ - ] How often do you text with the person you are dating? Daily? do you guys do at the minimum morning and good night texts everyday? I am so use to a lot of cute texting in my previous relationship that I don't know if I am just spoiled or what is considered normal now. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:23 PM Flag
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you were "spoiled". I had a bf who texted me all the time. My now husband never really did. And he was the keeper ;) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:33 PM Flag
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This seems super needy, and annoying. Morning and good night every day? Lots of "cute" texting? I wouldn't do that or expect it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:25 PM Flag
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I have been dating someone about 6 months. We text almost every day. Sometimes a lot, sometimes once. We both have full custody of our kids and both have busy jobs, so only see each other once a week or so, so it is nice to have a small connection. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:28 PM Flag
[ - ] My heart is breaking reading about the story of Rodney Reed?! Innocent man scheduled for execution in couple of days despite tons of evidence supporting his innocence. 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 01:46 PM Flag
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Use this as a motivation to abolish the death penalty. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 01:48 PM Flag
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This. Don't just feel bad for one person today. Stay motivated for the next two years and get the real work done. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:07 PM Flag
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Sign the petition. FreeRodneyReed.com. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 01:48 PM Flag
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NP: Signed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:01 PM Flag
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I did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:15 PM Flag
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Vote out the politicians who are "tough on crime" except when it comes to rich politicians. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:11 PM Flag
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Do you really have no doubt about his innocence? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:24 PM Flag
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In this case there is no doubt. Even the victim's family say he's innocent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:26 PM Flag
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Then why isn't it being overturned? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:39 PM Flag
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Because the courts would have to admit this isn't a flawless system and in death penalty there is no going back for mistakes. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:07 PM Flag
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Only a cousin is saying it, not the victim's immediate family. I agree there is way too much doubt for him to be executed but I'm not convinced he's innocent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:55 PM Flag
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Even if there was just a tiny bit of doubt, execution should not be on the table; but in this case evidence for his innocence is vast; they are basically ready to murder this innocent person. It is an absolute outrage. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 02:40 PM Flag
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But what about his previous sexual assaults? I don't know what to believe, I think it's possible he did it, and it's also possible the fiancé did it. https://www.thepostmillennial.com/why-isnt-the-media-telling-the-full-story-of-rodney-reed/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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^^ I agree it's too murky for execution [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:02 PM Flag
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Texas [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 03:02 PM Flag
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This report shows that over time, the fiance of the victim bragged about killing her b/c she was in a relationship with a black man. The fiance also was in prison for assaulting another woman. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/rodney-reed-deserves-chance-clear-his-name-victim-stacey-stites-n1080491 Read all this. It seems clear that the investigation did not uncover everything at the time of the conviction. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:15 PM Flag
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Call these 5 #'s today: 512-967-0567 512-488-0698 737-214-3944 512-641-4290 770-800-0689 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 11.15.19, 04:31 PM Flag
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