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[ - ] My hairdresser is on maternity leave and I've gone 12 weeks without color (she comes back first week of October). I can finally see that I've got gray in my root growth. Sigh 11 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:21 PM Flag
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Stuff happens and then we die. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:23 PM Flag
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Why does it take 12 weeks to see that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:24 PM Flag
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Maybe because I'm so conscious of it that I'm staring at it, and there's more of it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:39 PM Flag
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If you are just feeling self conscious at 12 weeks probably isn’t that bad. I get highlights every 5 months. I can see though that the white hairs are doubling every 6 months lately. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:43 PM Flag
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How old are you? I'm 41 and every year I can go shorter and shorter without touching up my roots. I now need to do it about every 6 weeks. My SIL who is 10 years older and has darker hair needs to do it every 2 weeks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:28 PM Flag
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53, I have the kind of dark blonde hair that grows out the color of liver paté [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:40 PM Flag
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Usually I also do every 6 weeks. I can go this long and don't look freakish but I have to keep it washed or it looks skanky really quickly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:41 PM Flag
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I have dark hair and my gray shows by 2 weeks as well. I squeak by for another week or two with powder that covers the roots. I would LOVE to be able to go 12 weeks like OP! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:11 PM Flag
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What root powder do you use? I'm in the same situation with dark hair. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:44 PM Flag
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something I found on amazon. I prefer that over the sprays because it is easier to control. The spray tends to really get all over my scalp too and makes it itchy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:25 PM Flag
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Thanks--that's why I hate the spray too. They used to make a marker type thing that worked well for me, but it seems to have been discontinued. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 06:42 PM Flag
[ - ] Dear clear hair that juts out of my chin randomly and grows 3 inches in a day every few months. Wth. 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:57 PM Flag
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Hormonal. Sigh. Must now carry tweezers everywhere! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:24 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:27 PM Flag
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I have one that grows from the center of my neck. So weird. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:33 PM Flag
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Me too! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:48 PM Flag
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So do I--but it's dark! I wake up and it has grown in overnight. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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I get those and they are so stiff! More like a whisker than a hair. I can feel them before I can see them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:24 PM Flag
[ - ] For those with smaller apartments who host overnight guests, what are your sleeping arrangements? We just moved to a 2BR with 2 ensuite baths. DCs share a room with twin beds. My parents want to stay. Would you give them the master and DH and I go to DCs' room? Or have kids sleep with us in master on a air mattress and give parents the DCs' room? Or somebody is out on the couch in the living room? 24 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:53 PM Flag
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Hotel. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:54 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:46 PM Flag
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Who are you people?! "I know you raised me for 18+ years, but we refused to feel a little cramped for a week." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 09:05 PM Flag
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op: hotel not an option for a few reasons. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:54 PM Flag
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So, money? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:04 PM Flag
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op: cultural norms [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:06 PM Flag
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np: We always shuffle bedrooms and leave the living room free. It's much more comfortable that way for people up late or early... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:56 PM Flag
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Put the four people in the larger bedroom and the parents in the smaller room, whichever room that is. If they are roughly the same, put the four people in the room with the larger bathroom or the bathroom with the most stuff in it so it won’t need to be moved. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:59 PM Flag
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Which room can better accommodate an air mattress? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:59 PM Flag
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It really depends on who the guests are. If it's my brother just here for a night or 2, then he sleeps on the pullout in the living room and shares the kids' bathroom (er have a 3br, 3bath and kids have separate rooms and a shared bath). If its grandparents, they get our dd's room (twin with pop up trundle that converts to king bed) and dd sleeps on air mattress in our room or ds' room. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:08 PM Flag
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I would ask my parents what they preferred. My parents do not sleep together and would prefer the twins or my dad would sleep on the couch because he snores. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:08 PM Flag
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NP: this is what we do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:10 PM Flag
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dh and I never move out of our bedroom. too much of a hassle as we need to bathe and dress for work, makes more sense to put guests either in living room (if they are night owls) or the kids room and put kids with us. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:09 PM Flag
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we have a pull out in the living room [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:10 PM Flag
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Same, we invested in a high end pullout and nobody complains. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:14 PM Flag
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We did too (2 bed but only one bath). But bc of the single toilet we hardly ever get overnight guests. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:26 PM Flag
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Hah- everyone knows and steers clear? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:28 PM Flag
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I think so...except for desperate younger people or one close friend, and one sibling. All I am saying is I think the money for the pull out was wasted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:06 PM Flag
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What brand? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.19, 01:03 AM Flag
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Both sound find. I'd give them a private rooms so if they want to retire earlier in evening you don't have to go in your bedroom. I'd have kids sleep in your room. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:15 PM Flag
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Air mattresses for DCs. Mine would probably love this! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:11 PM Flag
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I'd put kids in your room on air mattress and give them kids' room. Nice that it has both have ensuites! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:00 PM Flag
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We don't. Family finds an AirBNB within walking distance. If there were a big wealth differential I would offer to pay, but that hasn't been the case. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:46 PM Flag
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^^That is, a big wealth differential in our favor. My super loaded cousin who comes "to visit" us prefers to stay at a swanky hotel on the other side of the river (we're Brooklyn). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:47 PM Flag
[ - ] Good morning everyone - History Mom with Friday Fun Facts!! On this date in 1854, the joint British/French expeditionary force defeated the Russians at the Battle of the Alma in the Crimea. On a happier note, the Archies’ “Sugar Sugar” went to #1 today in 1969 - see if you can keep yourself from humming it. And on this day in 1973, Billie Jean King beat Bobby Riggs in the “Battle of the Sexes”. Have a great weekend everybody! 25 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:43 PM Flag
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On this day 2 years ago (2017), category four Hurricane Maria struck Puerto Rico, killing 2975 people (almost all of them U.S. citizens), and resulting in $90 Billion in damage, with power outages for weeks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:53 PM Flag
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Did Steve Carrell play Riggs? Man I love him in dramatic roles. Thanks history mom! I'm on a plane right now and I hate flying. That's my update for the day. Sincerely, 'brought a screwdriver on the plane in a Swell bottle' mom. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:54 PM Flag
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Yes, he played Riggs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:59 PM Flag
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HM - YW! Remember when Michael Scott never heard of a screwdriver? "Jim! Try This! That is vodka and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it Orange-vod-juice-ka." Jim says "Wow, I can't believe no one's thought of this before." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:00 PM Flag
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OR: Ha! I don't remember that episode. Maybe it's time for me to rewatch the office. It's bumpy up here, so I'm glad I've blurred myself out a little bit with the drink. Man I hate flying! It's like 30 years of being terrified of this crap. It didn't kick in till my late teens. I even took flying lessons - like flew a small plane myself. Didn't work. I'm a wuss. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:48 PM Flag
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HM - I usually have a drink too, but usually just to fall asleep on evening flights. I'm claustrophobic but flying doesn't bother me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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np: I'm caffeine deprived. I thought you brought a literal screwdriver on the plane--like why would someone do that? 2 minutes later I'm thinking--whoa...that's what she meant, ha ha. (clever). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:23 PM Flag
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OR: Ha. I mean, I've managed to inadvertently smuggle a letter opener on about 6 planes not realizing it's buried deep in my purse. So TSA isn't really 100% on it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:49 PM Flag
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Have you seen who works for them? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 07:39 PM Flag
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In 2011, the RMS Olympic (sister ship to the Titanic) collided with the RMS Hawke ship of the British Navy. Both ships survived. The Hawke was sunk by a u-boat in 1914; the Olympic was retired in 1934. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:56 PM Flag
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I meant 1911, obviously. LOL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:59 PM Flag
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Wow! Anyone hurt? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:33 PM Flag
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HM - no, despite the serious damage to both ships. It could have been much worse, considering that the Olympic had the same number of lifeboats as the Titanic: she was also captained by Edward Smith, who captained the Titanic the following year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 07:44 PM Flag
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On this day in 1920, Jay Ward was born. He would go on to create Rocky & Bullwinkle. (-: [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:57 PM Flag
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NP: my favorite cartoon of all time! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:02 PM Flag
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Wassamatta U? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 06:15 PM Flag
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I have the cardboard Sugar Sugar single cut out of my cereal box from 1969. Not worth much, but fun. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:16 PM Flag
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I don't remember cardboard records, though I remember the very thin plastic (?) ones that you could actually fold if you wanted. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:38 PM Flag
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Crimean War is now most associated with The Charge of the Light Brigade and Florence Nightingale [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:20 PM Flag
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HM - Very true, as well as two apocryphal tales involving the war's long influence. The first involves Lord Cardigan, who ineptly commanded the Light Brigade, who wore a woolen jacket in Russia, and it became to fashion what the "Eisenhower Jacket" would later become. The second is that the British solders observed their Turkish allies smoking "paper cigars", which also made it home with them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:32 PM Flag
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Ironically today is the day Magellan set on his journey from from Sanlúcar de Barrameda. and we protest Global warming which is no small part due to hundreds of millions of people traveling by car and air. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:13 PM Flag
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Thanks HM! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:14 PM Flag
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Love HM! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:39 PM Flag
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Thank you, HM! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:48 PM Flag
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YW, guys!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:15 PM Flag
[ - ] I job I interviewed for on Wednesday just showed up as advertised in a popular newsletter this morning. Do you think this means I didn’t get it? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:38 PM Flag
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Depends. The job may be open for a certain time period. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:44 PM Flag
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No, esp. if the newsletter is third party. They either populate those in advance or do a generic pull from an open req db. Typically HR will leave the req open until someone has accepted the job or maybe even after that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:40 PM Flag
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Maybe, maybe not. I find it’s best to just try to put it out of your mind and continue to apply to things, since the chance of getting any one particular job is low. It’ll happen eventually. Good luck. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:01 PM Flag
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Here is a little secret-most of ads you see in the popular newspapers such as NY Times, are there as part of the H1-B visa application. The company has to prove that they have searched high and wide to find a suitable candidate for the position, so they hire an agency that knows how to put the description together with such onerous and specific requirements that it is really impossible to find such candidate. If you see two sets of initials in the ad with a slash, such as AB/CD, the first set of the initials usually stands for the HR person who handles the matter, and the second set of the initials stands for the employee whose visa is being processed. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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OP: This is definitely not the case. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 07:04 PM Flag
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Not necessarily - they had to request the advertisement in advance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:00 PM Flag
[ - ] I have come to terms with the fact that I have a body type like Britney Spears, Hilary Duff, and Hayden Panettiere: bulky. I can fit into a size 4, but have somewhat thick arms and legs. What type of exercise/diet would you suggest to look more sleek? I don't necessarily want to LOSE muscle, but I definitely don't want to gain any more! 91 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:33 PM Flag
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She has a thicker waist than Brittany and is also really short. But she looks awesome. There are worse body shapes to have in our society for sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:30 PM Flag
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This is a photo of Britney from last week. I think the waist looks similar. https://metro.co.uk/2019/09/17/britney-spears-sports-black-makeup-intense-workout-conservatorship-drama-10756451/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:36 PM Flag
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That’s because she’s had kids and has some extra weight. She used to have a smaller waist. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:50 PM Flag
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wow she looks awesome [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:48 PM Flag
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that was before she had a kid though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:08 PM Flag
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If you have come to terms with it, why are you still trying to change it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:27 PM Flag
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You realize that both Britney and Hayden look great in these photos. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 10:52 PM Flag
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np -- seriously!! perfect! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.19, 12:40 AM Flag
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Ballet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:45 PM Flag
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intermittent fasting. I know I'll get slammed, but it turned me around so much. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:55 PM Flag
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op: really? Would love to hear more. What's your fasting routine? Do you have a similar body type? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:56 PM Flag
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OR: I basically do OMAD, which is one meal a day. I'm 19:5. So, 19 hours fasting (water, black coffee), the a 5 hour eating window. So I generally do a meal and a snack/wine, in that window. But what I love about it is that I eat exactly what I want every day. It's like an awesome feast each day...whether it's sushi, burger, whatever. I'm go goal, but I'll eat this way the rest of my life. My body just prefers it. Lots of other benefits to (google autophagy). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:50 PM Flag
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Oh and my body type is apple with skinny legs and huge boobs. I freaking hate it. I'm basically a shy ectomorph personality type who was dealt a jessica rabbit hand. I do not want this attention. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:54 PM Flag
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Jessica rabbit is not an apple. I don’t understand. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:31 PM Flag
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ILY [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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Jessica Rabbit, although a freaking cartoon, has a coveted hourglass shape, not an apple. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:12 PM Flag
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I’m the poster above you and agree! Sounds like OR is more along the lines of Stiflers mom from American pie. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 06:28 PM Flag
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Google scholar, the only result that seems to apply is https://science.sciencemag.org/content/330/6009/1344 if anyone has full access do share [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:49 PM Flag
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NP Do not do this without knowing your neurotype. I followed IF (also tried keto, low carb) for years too and I ended up with a cortisol belly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:49 PM Flag
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What do you do now? Did you lose the belly? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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Food? Right now I eat every 3-4 hours of about 200 calories each time. Primarily whole foods, mostly plants. I did a bunch of bloodwork and take supplements that my GP and pharmacist worked together on, but my personal trainer is urging me to just eat right instead. If I'm stressed, and know I don't have another stress relief, I take a cannabis capsule when I get home from work as an emergency solution. No liquid calories. Less caffeine, none after 2 pm, and most people are probably better without it (cortisol, anxiety). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 09:54 PM Flag
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Fitness? I run a 5K every morning and my goal is to reduce that time, get faster. I swim laps, yoga, as much as I can, which isn't as much as I'd like. I do the 7 app. I want to return to classes, a gym and weight lifting. I didn't want to believe my personal trainer that doing "easier" work outs would actually help my body de-stress and thereby lean but yes working! And my back pain is thankfully rare now too. My hobbies, especially meetings, are physically active or at least not food based. I have a dog that I walk and hike a lot too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 09:56 PM Flag
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Lifestyle? I made sleep a priority and routine, hygiene. TBH this was easier to do than the food and fitness. Same for mental, emotional health. Social too. All these play a part. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 09:58 PM Flag
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Results? Yes, it's working, but bodies change, especially with age and hormones, so this is an ongoing process. I'm also in a part of the world with seasons so whatever routine I have at one point in the year I can't do at another time of year. I had an appointment with a cosmetic surgeon which was worth the consult fee to get a professional POV. I left that appointment feeling great about the work I put into my body (and grateful for my genes), my GP and personal trainer following their plan, and my goal is to continue to follow this plan until I plateau or reach my goal. If I plateau, I'll consider body contouring, but that may be best to wait till after menopause. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 10:01 PM Flag
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I think this happened to me!! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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IKR? I posted a few months ago because both my GP and personal trainer wanted me to stop that, and I was surprised at how much support I got on UB. Some repliers are very well informed (some MDs too) and posted all kinds of data and links. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:18 PM Flag
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How can you find out your neuro type for sure? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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a specialist with blood work most likely day 23 on your cycle. you can try to DIY suggest Christian Thibaudeau [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:49 PM Flag
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Nonsense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 06:29 PM Flag
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Same here. I started out much heavier than most people here, but it's the first thing that's helped me finally lose weight. And I've had weight loss surgery. Didn't work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:06 PM Flag
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wow, so the fasting worked better than the weight loss surgery? Do you think it reset your appetite, or something else? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:15 PM Flag
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About a year after the surgery my marriage finally broke up and I lost motivation, so I ended up gaining weight again right back up to where I was before the surgery. Things didn't change until I addressed the reasons why I was eating and drinking. Intermittent fasting works for me because all I have to do is not to eat outside of my window. If I'm starving I'll take a bite of something or grab an apple. It does have the effect of letting your stomach shrink. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:34 PM Flag
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The surgery people did have me go through nutritional counseling, but I wasn't honest with them or myself about why the food was going in my mouth. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:35 PM Flag
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op: makes total sense. What is your eating window now? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:44 PM Flag
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I usually just try to eat as little as possible after 2-3pm. I wake up at dawn and am all about breakfast (since I haven't eaten since the previous afternoon, and I'll try to have something for lunch that will keep me for the rest of the day. I'm not insane about it, I don't even weigh myself more than once every 2 weeks or so. It just finally clicked with me that it's not about what I look like, it's about picking up a 30lb bag of dog food and realizing how heavy that is, and that I had two of them on my body a few years ago. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:02 PM Flag
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op: that's awesome. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:04 PM Flag
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Do you have small kids? What do you do when they are eating dinner (or when DH is)? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:04 PM Flag
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This IF thing is disordered eating I would not want to model it for my kids. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:10 PM Flag
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So, you are promoting some fuckin weird science that says people need 3 square meals a day to be healthy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 10:43 PM Flag
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Yes, it definitely corrects your appetite. If I eat every few hours all day, I'm starving all day and always hungry. If I eat within my window, I crave healthier foods, I eat till full and don't binge. It just works so much better.....for me. It may not be for everyone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:52 PM Flag
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What surgery? gastric? lipo? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:49 PM Flag
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they have great natural bodies. be happy with yourself. size 4, 6, whatever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:16 PM Flag
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Yes what’s wrong with Brittany Spears body? She had the best in the business at one point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:25 PM Flag
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And she looks amazing now in photos. I imagine in person it is pretty near perfect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:25 PM Flag
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compare her photoshopped instagram pics to the candids from the paparazzi. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:29 PM Flag
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Does she photoshop her videos? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:44 PM Flag
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at one point being the key phrase. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:29 PM Flag
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But a lot of people can never look that good. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:44 PM Flag
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op: thanks. I'm not necessarily unhappy, but would just like to improve. I work out a lot, so would actually like to look like I do for once! Also the way photos turn out usually drives me crazy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:26 PM Flag
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Lose five pounds and see how you feel. If it is important to you. Do it over a month so it’s not crazy hard or anything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:13 PM Flag
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Totally - this is a beautiful, sexy body type OP! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:04 PM Flag
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This makes me sad. You have a great, healthy body. Why do you want to turn it into a different shape? We aren't all Uma Thurman, or Lizzo. We're all different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:37 PM Flag
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Me too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:05 PM Flag
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Yoga. It works only with your body's natural weight, it helps elongate the body. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:19 PM Flag
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I am similar, I also do IF and make sure at least one or two workouts are yoga and something like barre or pilates. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:37 PM Flag
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Have you become less bulky? What's your IF routine? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:39 PM Flag
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I think so, I eat 2 meals a day, lunch at 12 and dinner hopefully before 6 (although occasional I cheat and have wine after that). Try to eat mainly low carb too but I find I am not hungry on this plan. Spin definitely isn't a friend of my thighs. I love yoga though and would happily do that every day but I know I need to vary it a bit more [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:49 PM Flag
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intermittent fasting and Peleton. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:39 PM Flag
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What about the thighs? I've heard the resistance from spinning can increase their size- have you found that? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:42 PM Flag
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I feel like you have body image issues that you're be better off addressing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:53 PM Flag
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+1 life is too short to worry about this crap [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:01 PM Flag
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Yes, and I agree kindly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:24 PM Flag
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Be happy with the body shape you have. You won't become long and lean if you're like me--Italian peasant stock, ha ha. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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My sister has your body type. If my body fat percentage gets above 22% I have that body type too. What's your body fat % right now? What's your waist in inches? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:50 PM Flag
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op: Yes. My body fat is 25%- not BMI, actual body fat percentage as I assume that's what you mean. Waist is 27" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:03 PM Flag
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You sound crazy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:11 PM Flag
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You're outside your field of expertise. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:23 PM Flag
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I am similar. What's your BMI? Mine is 21.1. My waist is slim tho and arms are normal. It's my legs that are so bulky!!! Ugh. They only get slim with a BMI below 20. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:33 PM Flag
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op: BMI is 23.1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:41 PM Flag
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Lose five pounds a reassess. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:53 PM Flag
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ahh.. well there was a study done that society's ideal BMI is around 20. So until you get there your body won't look like that ideal if that's what you are going for. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:07 PM Flag
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interesting. I'd have to lose about 15lbs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:10 PM Flag
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same [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:50 PM Flag
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You have issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 06:29 PM Flag
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JFC. Try to accomplish something of substance like being a good mom or a good friend or terrific at your job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 10:50 PM Flag
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Body issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:53 PM Flag
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I actually eat very normally. Yes I am obsessed with my body, it's my hobby. If you are given something beautiful why not perfect it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:05 PM Flag
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you sound absolutely vapid. Get a real hobby. Contribute to society. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:28 PM Flag
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+1000 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:48 PM Flag
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You sound fat. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 06:17 PM Flag
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I am an "apple" shape. I have to try to stay super skinny, any weight gain shows dramatically in my waist. Like, people think I'm pregnant. I am a size 4, 5'5", weight fluctuates btwn 115-135, DDDD boobs. Even at 115, I have a belly. I have found that I look best when doing a diabetic style diet - eat frequently throughout the day, high protein & veg, no white carbs, no sugar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:39 PM Flag
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breast reduction? also seconding like a diabetic - eat 3-4 hours, ~200 calories each time, lots of vegetables, no high glycemic carbs, no liquid calories [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:51 PM Flag
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pp: I personally have no interest in any kind of cosmetic surgery, but yes I often think that if the boobs were smaller the rest would naturally even out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 07:11 PM Flag
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I was thinking about saving your back, less for cosmetic reasons but I could see that too [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 09:49 PM Flag
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Yeah back is kinda wide to support the boobs and I have terrible posture! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 10:55 PM Flag
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I have a boy with boobs body and also gain weight in my trunk. I am 5’8” and when I weigh 145 instead of 140 I look chubby. I am there right now and it kills my confidence. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 06:31 PM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 09:29 PM Flag
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Saw a picture of Hillary Duff in the post today - she looked amazing! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:53 PM Flag
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Yoga, pilates, swimming to tone up. Also, dress for your shape. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 06:26 PM Flag
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pilates, yoga, high energy something to burn calories, low weights [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.19, 01:14 AM Flag
[ - ] Does anyone here earn more than $200k in media or advertising? Know anyone who does? And if so are you/ they happy? I had a job in media that paid more than $200 but I was brutally overworked and overall depressed. Trying to gauge if it is even possible to make a decent salary and have a somewhat ok wl balance/ sanity 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:20 PM Flag
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Yes I made 260k for many years in media (recently moved) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:34 PM Flag
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moved out of media? did you feel like you were a rare standout or is it possible to make this and have a normal life? Trying to work out if i am entitled or if crippling depression that disappeared when I left is just the price you pay for being paid this much in this industry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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I did HR in media and it is a burnout industry. I left after a year and took a month off. I never stopped working. Win an account and I felt like I never slept. Worked nearly every weekend. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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Yes...ad sales pricing and inventory at major media companies [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 06:32 PM Flag
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Whole family is in media...handful make in the high 6 figures, they report to CFOs at major companies [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 06:33 PM Flag
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lots of people make more than that in advertising, but the ones I know well are all on the creative side. for media, it's a lot of work without any real big paying jobs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.21.19, 01:16 AM Flag
[ - ] How awful is LGA (arrivals) recently? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 11:21 AM Flag
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good in the morning they get worse throughout the day - I am hoping Rikers Island becomes a new runway one day.... for now I try to fly JFK / Newark as much as possible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 11:29 AM Flag
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OP: thanks, and realized I meant to say departure. Leaving Sunday afternoon. Now really annoyed with myself for not booking Newark (did that for the other leg). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:31 PM Flag
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Just used it last Sunday - 2 pm departure, Delta, on time, no issues, nothing to speak of. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:54 PM Flag
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You know, it's a case by case basis for LGA. Sometimes it's totally fine. Sometimes people are out of taxis (for departures) and walking down the freaking road. I've had luck with the rideshare pick up lot on arrival. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:56 PM Flag
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With the construction and the ban on taxis coming to the terminal, it's like a third world country. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 06:28 PM Flag
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I meant taxis to pick up passengers [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 06:41 PM Flag
[ - ] Any advice for perimenopause breast tenderness? I am so uncomfortable. Help! 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:28 AM Flag
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Ibuprofen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:30 AM Flag
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Evening primrose oil supplements [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:12 AM Flag
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So, it is a perimenopause symptom? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:13 AM Flag
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NP: could be. I don't recall having it myself but everyone is different. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:52 PM Flag
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ashwaganda [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:08 PM Flag
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Stay away from chocolate. If you take vitamins, stop for a while. Don't wear a bra as much as possible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:11 PM Flag
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tincture of wish garden [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:03 PM Flag
[ - ] Packing help, please: Need to bring some dressy clothing on a trip (cocktail type dresses) for myself and kids. I would prefer not to pack in a garment bag (carry on) but will if need be. Should I just pack in a suitcase with tissue paper? Other ideas. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:08 AM Flag
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Roll them? Then steam upon arrival, at least by running hot shower? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:09 AM Flag
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Yup, this the best way [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:37 AM Flag
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If silk, make the bathroom really steamy and hang for a few hours to remove wrinkles. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:36 AM Flag
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I pack all kinds of verboten fabrics (linen, silk) in my suitcase. I pack it flat and very carefully. 99% of the time the clothes arrive in perfect condition. This assumes you have a nice sized check bag, however. Go for the tissue paper or dry cleaning bag technique, but it's not necessary, IME. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:54 AM Flag
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Just hang them as soon as you arrive and overnight most clothes are ok. If you are really paranoid about wrinkles and like spotless look, then buy one of these portable steamers and carry with you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:17 AM Flag
[ - ] Kids should really have trapper keepers. My kid brought home this ridiculous accordion folder to organize his work for each class. What he really needs is a trapper keeper. 13 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:52 AM Flag
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So... can you get him a trapper keeper? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:02 AM Flag
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This. A Hello Kitty one too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:14 AM Flag
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Lisa Frank! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:04 PM Flag
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I used to love mine. And I remember when I got my first notebook with pocket dividers and you could put them in the Trapper Keeper. I was one organized middle schooler in the 80’s. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:17 AM Flag
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My kids loved stuffing everything into their backpack and having it turn into a hardened fossil buried deep within. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:31 AM Flag
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Mine uses a Case-it, which is pretty similar. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:33 AM Flag
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+1 I was actually looking for Trapper Keepers and couldn't find them. I found some online, but the reviews were universally terrible. "these are not the same quality as when I was a kid" type reviews. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:59 PM Flag
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Ha ha. Just bought my kid the new version of a trapper keeper. He is so excited about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:27 AM Flag
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Ours are required to have those big zipping binders which are essentially zippered trapper keepers with chest straps to carry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:00 PM Flag
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We have the accordion to file stuff that doesn’t need to stay in the back back. You can buy folders with holes in the that can gonin a three ring binder. On amazon. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:52 PM Flag
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My kids have trapper keeps in 6th grade. They carry it around like a suitcase. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:22 PM Flag
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DD has binders for three subjects this year, but the binders stay in the specific classroom. So glad she doesn't have to schlep them back and forth. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:49 PM Flag
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I always wanted a Trapper Keeper, but we couldn't afford it. Had the no-brand supplies. Not sure I'm over it yet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:21 PM Flag
[ - ] New to private school this year for 1st grade. My DC tells me that there is a little girl in his class who keeps having outbursts- screaming at other children, accusing them of talking about her or making fun of her when they are sitting quietly minding their own business. DC says the teacher often takes her into the hall to talk to her to calm her down, or takes her over to the school psychologist's office. Just wondering how schools usually deal with these situations if they go on long-term? 27 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:42 AM Flag
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Stop. Just stop [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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NP: why this reaction? Think OP is fair in asking this on an anon board. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:02 AM Flag
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I’ve been in two different private schools and both have this issue. And in both the disruptive kid remains. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:48 AM Flag
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op: interesting. Ok. We came from public school and DC was in an ICT class last year and there were some kids with behavioral issues and obviously the kid remains in that situation. Wasn't sure about private elem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:50 AM Flag
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I’m actually going to speak up this year. It’s getting ridiculous. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:53 AM Flag
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And I hear about this at other schools too... so much for selectivity! I guess it’s hard to know what you’re getting when you interview a 4 year old after all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:55 AM Flag
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Yes, that's true, but I have heard about K students being counseled out at a top K-12 school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:59 AM Flag
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I can't speak to private schools, but public schools? They don't do much. I've been teaching a long time and it takes forever for anything to happen. Even in cases where student violence is involved (especially if it isn't extreme). So, for example, kid A hits 2-3 kids a week? There'll be a behavior chart, meetings with parents, meetings with the team (eyeroll), meetings on how the teacher can change things in the classroom to stop the hitting. If the class is lucky, the teacher might be given an aide for 10 minutes a day to give the child in question a sensory break. But otherwise, it is the RTI process and it could be a year or more before anything happens. Most likely nothing will happen and the child who is disruptive will continue to do be that way. I'm a teacher and I am totally sick of this approach. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:59 AM Flag
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Ugh. I don't blame you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:03 AM Flag
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NP: thanks, for the reality check, sucks that is the case. This type of issue is going on with a kid in our son's 2nd-grade class since K with another student (sometimes directed at him). Little has happened, but think the school is trying. (At a charter school outside NY) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:05 AM Flag
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Everyone is entitled to an education. In our school these kids went to the vice principals office if really disruptive. But it's totally normal in the sense every school every year have kids like this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:33 AM Flag
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Yes. At the same time, behavior issue kids often steal other kids right to an education. And these kids aren't in principals office. They are with me in the classroom. Alone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:27 PM Flag
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I'm a teacher. Classroom management is what teaching is about. The sad part is most teachers don't realize this. They instead have fantasy about having the perfect set of quiet students that will listen to their every word. Did you do student teaching? Weren't there other kids in classes that had behavioral issues. Talk to your principal and have them get a shadow aide for this child so they can go outside if they become disruptive. Our PTA paid volunteers (non teaching staff) to help out if there were some very hard to manage kids. Not every kid comes from a 2 parent loving home. We have to adapt to ALL the children we meet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:06 PM Flag
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I've been teaching 25 years in a terrible neighborhood and am the poster you responded to. I'm talking MAJOR behavior issues. Not quite dangerous, but just on the other side of that line so they don't get an aide. Our PTA raises about 2K a year. Yes, you read that right. No aides are provided. I can't just "talk to my principal" and get an aide. What the hell planet are you living on? I'm talking kids who destroy classroom libraries, kids who refuse to get up off the floor so I spend my entire lunch time unable to leave the room to go to the bathroom or eat. I deal with kids from unimaginable home lives and in the end? I am THE only person caring for that child. The problem is I have 33 other kids who need help too. And 4-5 of them have moderate behavior issues. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 10:56 PM Flag
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All schools have this kid. As the mom of the kid who struggles with emotion regulation, how this kid impacts your kid for a few minutes of the day should not be a concern. If a kid becomes truly disruptive and uncontrollable the parents must sue the d of e to send them somewhere like titus. Most hopefully they don't get that far and get a wonderful teacher who tries to help them (sounds like this one is trying) and a supportive body of parents who teach their kids that people are different and sometimes they struggle and they will get a handle on it and try an amazing thing called empathy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:49 AM Flag
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NP: thanks for sharing--is your kid violent/threatening? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:57 AM Flag
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He isn’t but he’s had kids who are in his class and honestly there but by the grace of god. I have seen amazing teachers work magic with kids and the kid is totally different the next year. Kids go through tough times and mature at different rates and need a ton of empathy and patience when they’re the least likely to receive it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:42 AM Flag
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OR: In this case, the kid has had two-full years---each with amazing, experienced teachers (20+ yrs experience, but still enthusiastic etc) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:58 AM Flag
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I think it depends on who the parents are. That's clearly a full paying kid. A FA kid or no pay faculty kid would be out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:43 PM Flag
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This is untrue. Not in 1st grade. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:35 PM Flag
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This is so untrue. The worst behaved kid at our old private was on FA and he was “untouchable” [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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It won't continue forever. My DD is in 6th grade at a private school and over the years kids with unresolved issues have been counseled out. If the emotional problem doesn't seem within the normal developmental range for a 1st grader them I'm sure the parents have been asked to get a neuropsych evaluation. Teachers know, teachers recommend it. That takes several months to schedule and complete. They'll probably give the family time try therapy (which can be very effective for emotional issues). It could be something going on at home, like a death in the family, divorce, you never know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:57 PM Flag
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A little compassion wouldn’t go amiss here. Teach your child that everyone has different challenges and to be compassionate to this child and the teacher. And remind your child to focus on his or her own work and block our distractions. Not be gossipy or stare. This kind of thing is part of life in every situation. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:02 PM Flag
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op: yes, we talked about it at home and I told him that she may just have things going on at home, and not to take it personally. He doesn't understand why he's being screamed at for just sitting there. It's a new school also, so don't know the history (if there is any). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:05 PM Flag
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Just keep doing what your doing. It’s not too early for him to learn that it’s not about him, that she’s acting that way because she either can’t help it or is suffering with something and acting out like he does when he’s tired or disappointed (whatever is applicable for him). Kids have so much more capacity for compassion and empathy than adults and an innate kindness for other kids who are sad. Just keep reinforcing that it’s her issue and all he needs to do it ignore it and be kind. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:13 PM Flag
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*you’re. Omg I hate that typo. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:14 PM Flag
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+ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:21 PM Flag
[ - ] Assume the answer is yes but is very faint spotting a pretty reliable sign of mc? 5 1/2 weeks according to my pregnancy ap. I had a mc before my first db at 8 weeks and it began with a spot of bright red blood. 19 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:33 AM Flag
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Not necessarily. With my DD (2nd DC) I had some bleeding at 6 weeks and again at 8.5 weeks. Then a perfectly healthy pregnancy and she is great. GL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:35 AM Flag
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have the proper tests done. I did IVF and I called to say "well that didn't work" when I got spotting and they said....no you have to come in and we have to test and gave some scientific answer why that could be happening. I would just wait a little bit and see if it progresses. Hang in there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:38 AM Flag
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Thanks for sharing. Not feeling very hopeful but I guess there’s a small chance things could work out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:42 AM Flag
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Sure thing. FWIW, mine was red blood. Supposedly there was some extra pocket of blood somewhere, which is evidently not uncommon. One more thing: I had years of infertility and then miscarriages through IVF before having success with IVF. Try to hang in there. If this pregnancy does not work out then another one could come along in another month or two. I know it's agonizing but try to hang in there and look forward. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:58 AM Flag
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I had spotting early too and everything was fine. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:42 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:01 PM Flag
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Hard to say. I’m sorry [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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Is the blood red, or brown? I had brown spotting at around 6-8 weeks with both pregnancies and it was nothing. They told me at the doctor's office the concern is if the blood is bright red, or you have cramping, or it's heavy like a period. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:45 AM Flag
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Faint pink, barely noticeable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:47 AM Flag
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Implantation bleeding is normal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:55 AM Flag
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OP: I always hear about it but since I only had the very clear mc I guess I am assuming the worst. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:57 AM Flag
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Maybe, maybe not. I’ve had spotting with miscarriages but I also spotted with first DB. I think it was implantation bleeding. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:59 AM Flag
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*hugs* don't assume the worst, there's no point worrying. Try meditation, funny sitcoms etc. Call the dr. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:00 AM Flag
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Not always. I went on modified bed rest several times during a pg and now my dd is about to turn 21. Call your doctor. It likely can be OK. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:34 AM Flag
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I had more than just mild spotting. Went to er, they said it looked fine, but really no way to tell for sure. They sent me home, and told me to take it easy for next few days. Baby is now 6 years old. If it gets heavier call ob, but try not to worry [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:34 AM Flag
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i wound up in the ER at 7 weeks basically hemhorraging and tonight the result screeched and threw his legos at me. so bleeding isn't necessarily a sign. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:50 AM Flag
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not the 'result' but you know what i mean. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:51 AM Flag
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As others have said, not always. Take another PG test today and tomorrow to see. Best of luck [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:01 PM Flag
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I hated this stage. Spotting can be a sign of trouble or nothing at all and only time will tell. You can have your dr pull HCG numbers for a few days to see if they are going up and after 6-7 weeks, they can do an internal US to look for a sac and heartbeat. I spotted in 7 pregnancies - 4 were miscarriages and three were healthy babies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:05 PM Flag
[ - ] Anybody have home gym equipment? Don’t laugh (haha) but I want one of those home gym things that Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley used to sell. I had one years ago and I loved it. I might get one again but wondering if there’s other brands/stuff out there I don’t know about. 10 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:12 AM Flag
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Like bowflex? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:20 AM Flag
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No, I think it was Total Gym. I loved it back in the day when I was single and would exercise in front of the TV. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:48 AM Flag
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We have a reformer [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:36 AM Flag
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How often do you use it? What brand and how much was it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:49 AM Flag
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Not sure of brand. DH has a trainer come 2x/week. It was $2,500 10 years ago. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:58 AM Flag
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dh has the total gym - it seems fun but he never uses it. I have a treadmill and water rower at home that I use. Previously I had an elliptical that I also used. Elliptical was cheap online purchase, but the other ones are expensive [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:01 AM Flag
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We have a treadmill (daily) elliptical (never) handweights and bench (rarely) balls (rarely) Trx (never) pool (daily but it’s more relaxation than masters). I prefer classes, team sports, dance. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:12 AM Flag
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We bought a curved big screen for the basement. Our kids took the theater recliners for their own apartments and we put all the gym equipment right in front of it. I tune the TV to a walking tour somewhere around the world and get on the treadmill. It's awesome. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:29 PM Flag
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I love that! My goal is to get a setup like that eventually. I do an exercise class and want something low key to do at home. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:44 PM Flag
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smart [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:51 PM Flag
[ - ] I am constantly amazed by the posts on here wherein people quote the terrible advice that their therapists give them. Are there that many bad therapists, or is something getting lost in translation? 17 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:03 AM Flag
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example? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:05 AM Flag
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Poster below whose therapist has her treating her spouse with a reward/punishment system like he’s a child. Like that’s going to help. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:08 AM Flag
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yes there are lots of bad therapists. Most people go into the field because of their own unresolved issues. (My dh is a therapist so I'm entitled to say that). I've seen a couple of therapists that I thought were terrible. But I think stuff also gets lost in translation, or people interpret the therapist's feedback the way they want to, or in a way that lets them use it against their spouse. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:29 AM Flag
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We have therapists in the family and the idea that people pay to get their advice is... just... frightening. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:33 AM Flag
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So they give you guys a lot of gratuitous advice? How bad is it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:50 AM Flag
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What are they like in real world, family settings? My friend’s mother is a therapist and she gave her daughter (my friend) a food complex and eating disorder. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:51 AM Flag
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Yes, and some patients are capable of manipulating the therapist. I have heard similar from some people I know who want validation that "no one supports me" or "I need to think about my own needs more often" or some such coming from people who are already very self-centered. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:31 AM Flag
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The most problematic mom I know is a psychiatrist. I shutter to think she is giving advice when I think she lacks common and practical sense. I only know her as a mom and I see this side of her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:03 AM Flag
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There are a lot of bad therapists. I have a few friends who say, I want to go into therapy because I love people and want to help. What?!? Go join the Peace Corps and don't go fucking up ppl's heads. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:45 AM Flag
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There are certainly bad therapists, in the same way there are bad lawyers and bad engineers, and bad secretaries. It always amazes me that people imagine therapists are immune from being human simply because people imagine they are all well intended and well trained. Certainly not. Signed, a psychologist and psychotherapist. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:51 AM Flag
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Np thank you. There’s also the dynamic between professional and client - just like some people love a particular trainer or chef and others don’t! And specialties, modalities. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:02 AM Flag
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There is a very high number of not-so-great professionals in this particular profession though, and it can take a while and quite a bit of expense for the patient to figure this out. The scarier part is how so many, especially on a board like this, jump to 'go to therapy' or worse, 'send the child to therapy' when you have no idea what the therapist is going to do with your child. My DCs have all gone at one point or another as do so many privileged NYC kids. Looking back, two were useless but harmless, except to my credit card. One was plain mean, and the other was outright scary. Another was mildly helpful to me as a parent. My kids have gotten better help from a few fabulous teachers, coaches, or family friends. As for me, I would rather talk to the few people in my life who have garnered a lot of wisdom over the years. In the therapists' defense, they are expected to be miracle workers which is an impossible feat. They also become the last stop for patients who cannot be helped by traditional medicine in its current state and are told that their issues are all psychological when the MDs can't figure things out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:28 PM Flag
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"I would rather talk to the few people in my life who have garnered a lot of wisdom" this is the bottom line. In a perfect world people have social support. People who are invested in their relationship and have something to risk if their advice is bad. These people also have more information, their own first hand experience, than what little the therapist or life coach is working with ie just the client's POV or what the client can share in a few moments in a therapy or coaching appointment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:17 PM Flag
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I had a therapist give me really bad advice once. I had a friend with some pretty horrible political opinions, my therapist told me that I didn't have to agree with everyone's opinions to have a friendship. That was dead wrong advice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:30 PM Flag
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I am not a therapist but that doesn't strike me as bad advice. It depends on the particular circumstances I suppose. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:40 PM Flag
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It wasn't so much a legitimate difference of opinion; you can't hold the opinions she held and still be a good human being. Gay people are not going to hell and you can marry people who don't look like you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:11 PM Flag
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I’ve had three therapists and all three were kind of nice, kind of helpful, kind of useless. Received much better advice from some friends I’ve known forever who know me and the family dynamics. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:07 PM Flag
[ - ] Any advice on shows to take my husband to for his birthday? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:58 AM Flag
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Has he seen Book of Mormon? I know several guys who loved that one. Or is he a Harry Potter fan? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:06 AM Flag
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No, haven't seen. Thanks for the recommendation. Kids are more of a Harry Potter fan than him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:22 AM Flag
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OP: he's turning 50, fwiw [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:22 AM Flag
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np - First choice, I'd say book of mormon. Come From Away is great as well. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:37 PM Flag
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What about to kill a mockingbird? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:50 PM Flag
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isnt brian cranston in something right now? every man loves him [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:44 PM Flag
[ - ] I'm recently divorced. And i know this is going to sound odd but I would like a relationship with a man, but no sex. You would never peg me as the type that doesn't like sex (I'm fairly attractive/people like me) but I really don't enjoy it and it provokes anxiety. Do intimate relationships exist that don't include sex? 23 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:22 AM Flag
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Those relationships are called marriages [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:28 AM Flag
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Ba-dum-tss! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:33 AM Flag
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thanks for the laugh....I need it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:39 AM Flag
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Xo ha your welcome [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:50 AM Flag
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Make friends with a gay man? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:29 AM Flag
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op-done. have that covered! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:30 AM Flag
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I don't think that's what she's looking for. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:38 PM Flag
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Yes, with a gay man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:29 AM Flag
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Sometimes I come across asexual men on OKC [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:31 AM Flag
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op-interesting, is that part of a profile? I never did online dating [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:31 AM Flag
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Yeah, they're able to list themselves as asexual [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:32 AM Flag
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I think affectionate friendships can exist between men & women, and they can take on the characteristics of a partnership while both are single, but eventually most men will want sex, and will de-prioritize friendships when a sexual relationship comes along. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:37 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:37 AM Flag
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op-huh? what a bizarre statement? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:42 AM Flag
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FLAGGING THIS FOR INTIMIDATION [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:53 AM Flag
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Are you talking about a committed, loving relationship...a partnership? Or a friendship? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:38 AM Flag
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LOL I want the exact opposite. Hot sex and no other relationship. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:34 AM Flag
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that would be me if I got divorced. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:51 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:46 AM Flag
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Team up with OP and offer a package deal on dating sites. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:26 PM Flag
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ftw! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 08:51 PM Flag
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Look into being asexual and see if that applies to you. And then look for people who also identify that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:09 PM Flag
[ - ] I have been having fraud on my credit card, random restaurants and lyft charges. I closed the card September 8, but today noticed five charges on iTunes. I had not even activated my new card- but apparently MasterCard sends your new CC and it does not even need to be activated for them to approve charges. I am furious, further I had an employee that left about a month ago on bad terms that I suspect. He had some access to My accounts. When I called Apple I tunes they said that they have the name and account it was ordered on but can’t release it even though it was my charge card. Any suggestions on what to do with this? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:11 AM Flag
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Just close the card completely. Apply for a new card with a new company [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:31 AM Flag
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Sounds very strange that you aren't talking to the bank. In fact, sounds fake for this reason. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:43 AM Flag
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Yes I talked to the bank- they called Apple while I was on phone [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:05 AM Flag
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Change apple passwords. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:45 AM Flag
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I did [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:04 AM Flag
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Just today I noticed a $127 charge from iTunes. I called Apple support and they promised to refund me. Will check back tomorrow. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:35 AM Flag
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They are refunding me, but I want to know who charged them [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:52 AM Flag
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Did you change your itunes password? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:41 PM Flag
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and surely you can force all devices set to use the itunes account to have to log in again? That is standard. I don't use itunes but things like netflix and amazon have that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:42 PM Flag
[ - ] DH and I were having dinner out tonight and he made the comment, “I paid for everything you’re wearing right now.” He says some variation of this ALL the time (e.g., “I pay for your whole existence”) and even though he knows it makes me feel terrible, his response is always, “well it’s a fact.” I do work FT and make $100k and he makes $1m. Would you be bothered by this? 106 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:06 AM Flag
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Yes, one reason I married a kind, respectful and wonderful guy. I make more than DH but wouldn’t dream of treating him like that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:10 AM Flag
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+1 "Any time you aren't happy in the marriage, please do let the door hit you in the butt." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:25 PM Flag
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Yes. What an asshole. You can live on 100K. I live on 80 with me and my dc. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:10 AM Flag
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in NYC? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:21 AM Flag
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Fairfield County but I lived in NYC on 65K in the early 2000s [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:27 AM Flag
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I don't work and my husband would never say that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:10 AM Flag
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"I birthed my children." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:11 AM Flag
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heh. I like this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:45 PM Flag
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he sounds like a narcissist. There is no cure. He likes to feel powerful. This usually doesn't end well. Dump him and take half. If you don't want to do that, you need to start sqirreling money away in an account that is not in your name. I have seen this movie before. He is the type that would make getting away from him very difficult if you don't have your own arsenal [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:11 AM Flag
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get rid of that asshole [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:18 AM Flag
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He’s abusive. There is no other way to put it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:21 AM Flag
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Also, it wouldn’t matter if you made zero, but a six figure income means you have a good job. Many people strive their whole lives to make six figures. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:23 AM Flag
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op: thank you:) He makes me feel like dirt about it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:27 AM Flag
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or-do you have children? and secondly, are you getting anything out of this relationship emotionally? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:28 AM Flag
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op: yes, two DC. No, to be honest, I really don't like him anymore and I can't be vulnerable with him. Thinking about what to do long-term. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:33 AM Flag
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or-ok, so I'm just going to lay it out. The good news is: the law is on your side re divorce. Plain and simple: you get half of his retirement and anything in bank accounts. BUT, you need to begin your escape plan. Don't let on. Collect bank statements, retirement statements all the things that you will be entitled to half of. If you wait or show your hand, he will try to hide it etc. Have your mother or sister open an account and put cash into it. Trust me. I wish i had done this sooner. I waited hoping he would "change" he actually got worse. There is life after this jerk [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:47 AM Flag
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op: thank you. Glad you are happier now. Do you have DC? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:49 AM Flag
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I do, and they did not like the way my dh treated me, and they voiced that when they were teens. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:51 AM Flag
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But it's technically correct right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:23 AM Flag
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np-no, it's not at all. And fyi, the law does't look at marriage like that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:25 AM Flag
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Hell yes. My husband makes all the money, I make zero. I bust my ass for him and our family. It was a decision we made when having kids that I would stay home. I gave up a partner track career. I would be livid if he made me feel that way. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:28 AM Flag
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This. I make zero now but I was on partner track making $400k a yeah but DH was making 1.5 (many years later more now). How to compete? It really bothers me at the time but now it’s not an issue and he’s an amazing guy. He would be perfectly fine if I went back to work for $35k. It just isn’t what our relationship is about. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:41 AM Flag
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I can also speak English IRL but apparently not on my phone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:42 AM Flag
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Ily [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:55 AM Flag
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So you make 100k, say you paid for it yourself! Your work, your outfit. He can pay for everything else [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:31 AM Flag
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Hate to say it, but most high earning men think this. They might not say it, but they think it. I live in Fairfield County and my friend's dh says this. My DH has said something similar in the past. I ignored it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:35 AM Flag
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But if their wives told them how it makes them feel and they continue? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:45 AM Flag
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Np to me this is the issue. He doesnt care that he is hurting her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:39 AM Flag
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That's probably the point of saying that stuff [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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the whole thing is obviously disrespectful. of course if they are telling the husband to stop they should. I'm not saying it's a good thing I am just saying that most men actually think this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:40 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:55 AM Flag
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I wouldn't judge you if you cheated on him [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:42 AM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:45 AM Flag
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Better to rave than cheat. Signed mom of a a-hole ex who has btdt. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:27 PM Flag
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rave? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:30 PM Flag
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Leave. Sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:52 PM Flag
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Not good and could backfire big time [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:46 PM Flag
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Yes, of course. What's his point? There are things in life that are intangible. Ask him why he feels the need to say this. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:45 AM Flag
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This. What’s your intent? Is a great reply [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:55 AM Flag
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This [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:11 PM Flag
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I don't work and if my husband said that - well I can't even imagine if he said it. It is awful. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:49 AM Flag
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and OP, are you the professor? There is a professor in a similar situation here. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:50 AM Flag
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np-I fine this line of inquiry really creepy. And I AM FLAGGING YOU FOR REMOVAL. OUTING PEOPLE IS AGAINST THE TERMS OF SERVICE [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:52 AM Flag
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oy vey (np). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:54 AM Flag
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yikes. I think there are a number of people in tough relationships (with parents, husbands, kids) on here and they post sometimes. These posts get so many people telling them that they would never tolerate whatever it is, that I do ask or mention someone else who posts regularly who has a similar situation, so they know they are not alone. I think people in hard relationships and bad situations post here because they want to feel they aren't alone. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:57 AM Flag
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op: yes, I had posted back in the spring venting because DC had a week off from school and DH didn't want to spend the money on camp or increasing sitter hours and told me to "figure it out". [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:04 AM Flag
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I'm so sorry. I am not trying to stalk you, I think maybe you mentioned that he says stuff like this in that thread? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:19 AM Flag
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op: it's very possible! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 11:17 AM Flag
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It's not like anyone is going to see the word professor and be like, "OMG, Michelle, is that you?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:47 AM Flag
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NP: LOL above poster. Funny and relevant point. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:55 AM Flag
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I think you are thinking of me. If my dh ever said anything like that I'd slap him [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:05 AM Flag
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Yes, I would be bothered to the same that I would think about separating. I am sorry that you are in this situation. I am sure it eats at your self confidence. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:03 AM Flag
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I would not put up with that. He isnt allowed to make you feel badly and know that he does it and keep doing it. Next time he says it say, "I do not accept your saying that to me" and walk away. From the table, the house etc. Make sure he knows that there are consequences to him talking that way. If you just shrug and say "dont say that" you are shoing him he can talk to you that way Keep your money to buy yourself things. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:38 AM Flag
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What's the meanest thing you have ever said to him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:42 AM Flag
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^^^just saying. He's obviously an asshole, but people say lots of stupid shit to one another. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:43 AM Flag
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speak to a lawyer -- between your salary, 1/2 of the 401K, bank accounts, getting a lawyer to getting him to pay for college for the kids and child support...I think you could survive with not much major financial impact. You can NOT have a man speak to you like this. These guys get these big jobs an inflated ego's and treat everyone around them like crap. It's totally unacceptable. And god forbid your kids here him speaking to you like this....you want them thinking a man can treat them like this or if u have a son that this is OK to say to a woman? Unacceptable, all around. Listen ...most people don't leave because they worry how they will pay the rent if they do -- I don't think you are anywhere in that situation if he is making one million. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:48 AM Flag
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+1 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:32 AM Flag
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Interesting paradox. A lot of women (here and elsewhere) marry these men precisely for the "big jobs". If that's a big reason you're marrying your DH, then you probably should be prepared to trade off some of the negatives that come with it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:15 PM Flag
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op: I think some women do, but in my case, his career did not take off until way after we were married. I was making more than him when we first met and were dating. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:24 PM Flag
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Heck, yeah it would bother me. I'd ask him what's your point? That he continues to do it knowing it makes you feel terrible? And you work out of home, too? Lack of respect. I don't care how much he makes. I hope he doesn't diminish you in front of DCs. Shitty role model. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:31 AM Flag
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It doesn’t matter that she works outside. He wants to denigrate her. She needs to leave him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:40 AM Flag
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Sigh. Stop looking for an argument. It was a comment of support -- it doesn't matter if she works outside or inside or upside down. DH is a class A dick. Ok? Women. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:59 PM Flag
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Leave him. He’s disgusting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:36 AM Flag
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Wow. Jerk alert! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:10 AM Flag
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My father is an MD/JD workaholic. My mother has never had a full time job. He has never for a moment treated her with disrespect. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:04 AM Flag
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Does he drink when he says that? Some people are mean drunks. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:19 AM Flag
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I am not saying he drinks a lot, just regular drinking like a couple of drinks when you go out, it does make some people say mean things, they lose filters. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:21 AM Flag
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In vino veritas [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:13 AM Flag
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Not necessarily, drunkedness isn't one's true mental state or attitude towards life or even personality. Alcohol messes with human chemistry and effect is different for each person, it actually alters things more than brings people into their true state, but even if it doesn't alter one's attitudes, it certainly removes any filters or consideration for empathy towards others in mean drunks. It doesn't make them terrible people. It's basically acting on the part of the brain that keeps us civil for these people. Happy drunks are usually people with anxiety and high strung people, who benefit from mellowing out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:37 PM Flag
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This doesn’t make it ok. “He’s only mean when he’s drinking”. Come on! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:29 PM Flag
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It doesn't, but if this the issue, alcohol in certain amounts can be avoided and problem can be solved. Not everyone reacts well or the same to various brain altering chemicals. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:38 PM Flag
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op: no, neither of us were drinking. He doesn't drink much at all- maybe 2 beers, once per week. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 11:11 AM Flag
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He puts too high a premium on money and not enough on kindness, empathy or your feelings. I make 2-3x as much as DH and I’m only part time. This thought (what he said to you) has never even occurred to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 10:51 AM Flag
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op: he's quite obsessed with money...I've realized that he actually derives his self-worth from it (how much he makes, his bonus number). [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 11:31 AM Flag
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That’s too bad. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 12:40 PM Flag
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op: I know, it is...he still calls his parents every year as soon as he gets his bonus number (even at 40yo) to tell them what it is, because he desperately wants to make them proud. Not sure if this is fixable though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:19 PM Flag
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NP: Clearly he is insecure and that is why he is belittling you. He will never get over the fact you once made more money than he did and he desperately wants you to "need" him. He sounds like a narcissist who never got the love/approval from mom and dad he desperately wants so he feels inadequate. Like a true narcissist bully he projects that onto you to make himself feel less shitty about what seems to everyone as his "great" life. GL! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:12 PM Flag
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OR: I can’t imagine doing that! My parents made comparatively very little and sacrificed so much for me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:23 PM Flag
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Comments like these show that he doesn't respect you or value your contribution to the marriage -- he obviously doesn't see you in an equal partnership. I have to think this only gets worse over time. Leaving is very hard, you have to decide what that life would look like. Going from $1m lifestyle to supporting yourself on $100k is going to be hard. You have to think about what it would be like to share custody with him. He will use his money to try and be the favorite. But, you will also be setting an example for your kids about how people should be treated, and standing up to bullies. I'm very sad for you. He sounds like a father who is going to hold money over his kids when he wants his way. "I paid for your college...." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:07 PM Flag
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op: ugh, yes I could see that. The good news is that since I'm a professor I will likely be able to get at least 50% of their tuition covered under my benefits. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:18 PM Flag
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Oh Sweet baby Jesus, you actually have a cool job and he's trashing you? What an asshole. You made your money, you spend your money. His comments are totally, totally out of line. I wonder if he feels his career is intellectually deficient and your career path makes him feel insecure? Combined with the fact you used to make more money than him, it sounds like he's competing with you in his head - and he still sees you as competition he needs to knock out of the way. Did you work in the same field? Sometimes, I think some men get involved with certain women because they want to BE them, not because they love them. They basically assume your career path, load you up with career responsibilities and then denigrate your attempts to hold onto your own life. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 07:28 PM Flag
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What a dick. Side note: how pathetic must he be to feel the need to say something like that to his wife (anyone really) to feel big and important. Big income, little man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:10 PM Flag
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op: I do think that deep down he is really insecure, despite talking a big game. So I feel bad about that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:23 PM Flag
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You sound a little codependent. I am as well so that’s why I can see it. Especially in this comment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:31 PM Flag
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op: I don't know, it's possible. I asked a therapist about it in the past and she said that it wasn't codependency, just having empathy for the person. So I don't know. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:50 PM Flag
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How long have you been with a person that treats you poorly? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:53 PM Flag
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op: we've been married 7 years. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:57 PM Flag
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Is this the same DH who sent you the mean text then "apologized"? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:34 PM Flag
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op: no [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:49 PM Flag
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Wtf!! DH and I used to have a lot of $$ fights and arguments and we finally separated our finances and it works great for us- basically I use my paycheck for my expenses/items and he uses his for his stuff. We split mortgage, utilities and childcare etc. Then you can just buy your own clothes and if he wants he can splurge for you on some fancy accessories or big ticket items but it will cut down on his snarking rude comments to you "I pay for EVERYTHING you are wearing right now." Oh really?? Like, I'm sure he didn't actually pay for your underwear or socks if you're making 100k. GL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:45 PM Flag
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Oh and ps - he and I have similar incomes (250k each) which is why we did splitting expenses, but what you guys could do is maybe do a proportion split for the bigger household expenses. Also, tell DH those comments are hurtful and send him a link to this article: https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/a53790/contempt-and-divorce/ [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:49 PM Flag
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op: Re: the article- I'm guilty of rolling my eyes at some of the stuff he says, for sure. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:59 PM Flag
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great link. thanks for sharing [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:54 PM Flag
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Do you make roughly the same amount though? I could see this working well if you did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:49 PM Flag
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The problem with her dh can not be fixed with an accounting system. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 01:54 PM Flag
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The problem isn't where the money comes from. He will just find other ways to make her feel bad since this is how he bolsters himself. He is broken. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:35 PM Flag
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I'm a SAHM. We have 4 kids and my husband is constantly grateful; helps whenever he can and encourages the kids to do same. Tells me to splurge more on myself. This guys is not only an obvious douche/jerk/ahole but is completely disrespectful. Change is necessary and will lead to only worse treatment. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 02:57 PM Flag
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this this this. My husband constantly thanks me and encourages the kids to do the same. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:08 PM Flag
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Your husband is an asshole. I don't work and my husband would never, ever say anything like that to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:07 PM Flag
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DH here: I usually don't say it lightly but for me this would be a very serious reason to consider divorce as this is really bad and probably beyond repair. We've always had a similar financial situation in our family since our marriage 15y ago but it's never crossed my mind that I somehow had a bigger claim on our HHI. I agree that the best way to handle is to ask directly: "Why do you feel the need to make this comment and how am I supposed to feel about it?". Unless he has a come-to-Jesus moment - this may be hopeless, sorry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 03:38 PM Flag
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Op: thanks for weighing in, DH. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:01 PM Flag
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"Why do you feel the need to make this comment and how am I supposed to feel about it?" interesting, I'm going to try this [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 08:27 PM Flag
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that is effing horrible. my dh may think "wow, i'm floating all of this," but he would never dare utter it. he never once quibbled when we had to spend on behalf of my paents. if anything, he would urge me to be more generous with them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 04:47 PM Flag
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Of course. I don't make a penny and DH never, ever says anything like that and never would. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 05:32 PM Flag
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I’m hearing now of these men getting let go from these million dollar jobs, and then wondering why the wife doesn’t start earning. So you never know. Tables could turn! Usually those jobs don’t last forever. Someone younger, cheaper and hungrier swipes it away from men in their 40’s and up! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 06:35 PM Flag
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so divorce when you know he's fired and his income counts before the new wage is part of the calculation [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 09.20.19, 07:18 PM Flag
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