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[ - ] can anyone recommend a masseuse (male or female) who does prenatal massage in manhattan? 1 Reply [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:56 PM Flag
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If you Google "prenatal massage NYC" you will see a lot of listings. I had a prenatal massage when I was 8 months pregnant. It was a waste of money. Obviously, you have to lie down on your side, and the pressure is not that strong. It was a $100 nap. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:42 PM Flag
[ - ] anybody ever done a rent to own with a house? either selling or buying? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:47 PM Flag
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Weird, I am just looking into the same thing. Cannot get a mortgage, and the seller cannot sell. We are a match made in heaven, I hope. I am having real estate lawyer look into the pro's and cons. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:51 PM Flag
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that's a good idea to talk with RE lawyer. i'm wondering because we are about to move in to a rental but may want to buy. the thing is, i'd bet we'd offer a lot less than they listed the house for when it was on the market to sell. i don't want to piss them off or establish a bad relationship with them since we'll be renting the house either way, but i also wonder if maybe they'd sell it to us for that price. how do you know what to do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:55 PM Flag
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Maybe make a deal that you would get first refusal to buy the house. Why not just make offer to buy now though if you don't mind me asking? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:57 PM Flag
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i think we do get first refusal if they decide to sell again. i think we wouldn't offer to buy yet because the idea of owning a home is so new to us, and renting the house will give us a chance to see if we really love it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:01 PM Flag
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on the other hand, i worry that once we're in it and they see we want it, they might say, sorry, this is the price and if you won't buy it, we'll kick you out and sell it to someone else. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:03 PM Flag
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Although, deduct the realtors fee etc, and they might love to sell to you. Make sure that if they re-list the house, you are put on a list of people they are allowed to sell to and not pay realtors fee. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:05 PM Flag
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That's a good reason. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:03 PM Flag
[ - ] Are public school teachers allowed to teach in their dcs' school as per chancellors regs? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 05.17.09, 07:46 PM Flag
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^^^thinking of getting a teaching certificate, and it would be ideal to work at dc's school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:49 PM Flag
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why would you want to do that? sounds awful...like you are trying to take over your dc's space. get your own life and career. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:53 PM Flag
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seriously. would have hated it if my teacher mother had done that...particularly past 3rd grade. by that point, I wanted to be my own person without my mother around [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:01 PM Flag
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I think most people try to avoid it. Not good to mix work and family life, IMO. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:54 PM Flag
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our citywide has several parent/teachers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:00 PM Flag
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no. it is against the rules, although it does happen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:02 PM Flag
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Even if it is allowed, highly unlikely (if your dcs' school is any good) that you'll get a job there. With no seniority and no experience in the public school system, you'll be low on the totem pole for placement. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 04:55 AM Flag
[ - ] Artsy, down to earth parents at G&T or Hunter. Will you be feel prejudicial to a parent that works on Wall Street? (Sorry for repost) 18 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 05.17.09, 07:36 PM Flag
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Of course not. There are lots of artsy, down to earth parents who also work on Wall Street or are married to a Wall Streeter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:38 PM Flag
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this is just not true. very few real wall streeeters in public school. maybe a few very low level or IT people. never the real bankers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:42 PM Flag
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yes, that's me - an IT person. What are your prejudices about me? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:45 PM Flag
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I have no prejudices whatsoever. Just saying there are very few "wall streeters" in public. IT is a different thing. people are not worried about you being above them. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:48 PM Flag
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Sorry - I was including bankers and anyone who works in finance as a "Wall Streeter" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:53 PM Flag
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Hmmm, Dh was an MD at one of the top IBs and our dc is in public school. Not every IBer burns though money like you'd like to believe [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:02 PM Flag
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a rare bird though...you have to admit. the occasional MD or big law partner stands out like a sore thumb [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:04 PM Flag
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not at the citywides. plenty of biglaw partners and IB bankers there, including my dh and i. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:40 AM Flag
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np: That's just not true at all. REAL BANKERS on Wall Street do send their dcs to public school. And the banking MD and lawyers don't stand out at all. No one does. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 04:38 AM Flag
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the type that send dc to publics are not the type to stand out [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 05:17 AM Flag
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no, but I would feel like a loser in front of my colleagues. you know how they are. have to keep up, ya know? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:38 PM Flag
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I think nowadays you would look like the winner. God forbid you lose your job and you have a dc in one of these great schools. YOu wouldn't have to worry about having to pull dc out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:10 AM Flag
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dh is MD on Wall Street. Not IB, but in finance. Everybody of his peers and even his subordinates go the private route. That doesn't affect me at all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 10:34 AM Flag
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we should all worry about what the artsy/down to earth people think. Artsy down to earth people are so cool and anybody that isn't artsy (especially if they work on wall street) doesn't deserve to have a kid at a G&T or Hunter no matter how smart their dc is. This wins the reward for the stupidest post ever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:00 PM Flag
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yes there is a reare IB family in public school - the "type" of ib fiamly that picks public tend to be frugal practical and low key, fits in just fine [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 05:16 AM Flag
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^^so no one is "looked down on" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 05:28 AM Flag
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Filmmaker, NEST parent here. Of course not. But it's kind of irrelevant. Do what's best for your child. Find the best school you can (and the best fit) and send them there. I know private schools are looking at the whole family, and the parents strongly, but it's the kid that's important. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 05:58 AM Flag
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Dang. The PTA Pres at Nest used to be a Corporate Lawyer. Plenty of Wall Street People have their kids there who sit alongside kids whose parents are "artsy downtown types". Several parents are also doctors, firemen, policemen, producers and train engineers. This indeed is a stupid post. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:07 AM Flag
[ - ] Dh unemployed from a tec field. I am left carrying everything on my pt position. Paying for insurance etc. Dh hasn't found anything and our savings are dwindling. I try to take on more hours but it is hard while taking care of db. So stressed and dont know what more to do. DH has put a lot of resumes out there and I am scared. He just seems angry at me for not supporting him enough. But when is enough enough. We had issues before this too. 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:36 PM Flag
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Maybe he is just angry about his situation, and is taking it out on the only handy person. Talk to him, and figure out perhaps a different approach to his job hunting, or the kind of job he is looking for. He may have to evolve out of his saturated market. IT must be very annoying and stressful for you though. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:44 PM Flag
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It is stressful. My dh has been out of work for a year. It is frustrating but when you get through it, you will be a better and stronger family. Keep boosting him up so he doesn't get lazy and keep encouraging him. Someday he will remember that you were there for him when he needed you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:46 PM Flag
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For one thing, I'd encourage him to take more responsibility for db. Dealing with a baby in between job interviews might relax him, and that NYTimes article about SAHDs said that those who take care of their kids while doing so end up prioritizing them more after they return to work, which makes a lot of sense to me. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:52 PM Flag
[ - ] Anyone know a good hotel or inn in Great Barrington (or near) in the Berkshires? With my 3yo ds. Tia 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
New York City 05.17.09, 07:33 PM Flag
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I only know of Red Lion Inn in Stockbridge [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 05:46 AM Flag
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We go there often (skiing) we always stay at "Comfort Inn" Love it http://www.comfortinn.com/hotel-great_barrington-massachusetts-MA125/Hotel-Photos?sid=uVQWi.x11pSgLRD.2 It also has great reviews at Tripadvisor [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 07:14 AM Flag
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Ditto this. We stayed there a couple of times this winter because the Butternut ski area is only 2 mi away. Very kid friendly. Indoor pool (nice to have in winter at least). Friendly's across the street, and Four Brothers Pizza is decent as well. They were in the process of adding another wing this winter, so you might want to ask whether the construction is complete. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 07:48 AM Flag
[ - ] 131 for Stanford Benet - what % is that??? 9 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:26 PM Flag
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not a chance in hell. need at least 148 this year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:29 PM Flag
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Stupid question: is ERB IQ? And if so, what is the cut-off for "gifted?" [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:06 AM Flag
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That's 2 standard deviations above the norm, so 97.5th percentile [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:48 PM Flag
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No it's not. It's a score, not an IQ. My dc got a good bit higher than that and the % was a good bit lower. I'd say it's prob about 90th? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:55 PM Flag
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not 97%. not even 96%. a 138 was a 96% last year. we had the consult. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 04:41 AM Flag
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^^^but a 131 is still an incredible score. indicates giftedness, just not by NYC standards. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 04:42 AM Flag
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the SB score is NOT an iq. a 131 is not a seriously high score [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 05:46 AM Flag
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I had the consult too. It was 91%. Which is considered quite good - just not high enough for Hunter placement. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:14 AM Flag
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The Stanford benet IS an IQ test. That is the definition of it. Giftedness would be indicated by the absolute number, which is also translated into a percentile. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:31 AM Flag
[ - ] Why do lawyers hate their jobs? And why are they always so damn bitter? I don't see this with any other profession, even other stressful ones like finance, medicine, engineering, etc. 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:15 PM Flag
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My guess would be (am I'm not a lawyer but used to work for some) is that everybody they see is in some kind of crisis and many people are bitter when something bad happens to them. Some are in pain, some are just lazy, and some are just plain mean. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:28 PM Flag
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my dh is a lawyer-corporate. he hates his profession, but he is really good at it. outside of work he is charasmatic, funny and people love him. i can't imagine what people at his office must think of him. i'm just thankful i don't have to work with him or for him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 09:27 PM Flag
[ - ] Still looking for feedback on the Brooklyn New School. Anyone on tonight who can comment? 3 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 05.17.09, 07:04 PM Flag
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I know many people trying to get in, so if your child is admitted, consider yourself lucky. I hear kids there are very happy, and they have great projects and field trips. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:35 PM Flag
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not admitted, also on the WL. What's the secret to getting in? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:36 PM Flag
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Call, call, call over the summer. Apparently it works. I know some families leaving for 1st so depending on what you want you might get lucky. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:10 AM Flag
[ - ] what's reasonable re: real estate? asking price for a house is about $460, but *they* paid less than $310 only 2 yrs ago. they put in some money, but NOT that much. tia 20 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:04 PM Flag
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How much do you think they put in? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:05 PM Flag
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i'm completely inexperienced with this, but i'd guess $50K [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:08 PM Flag
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What did they do to it? What are the prices of other houses in the nabe with comparable improvements? Did they get it cheaply because of some special circumstance, like an inter-family sale, or foreclosure or something? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:16 PM Flag
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gutted. new kitchen, deck. i don't know the rest. how do i find out? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:21 PM Flag
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Sounds like they spent more than 50. I hope you like what they did! Street easy has a great site for finding out comps, and also the history of sale prices for particular addresses, for example. houses in the same area. I would offer 20% less, get pre-approved so you can offer to close fast. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:26 PM Flag
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And if you want to pay for membership, propertyshark is great too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:28 PM Flag
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thank you! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:30 PM Flag
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you could ask your realtor to find out how old certain items are: furnace, roof, water heater, and oil tank. (assuming oil heat.) And ask if the electrical system is updated. These are the big ticket items. Knowing what you know so far, I would probably offer $400. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:31 PM Flag
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If you enter the address in the DOB website, you can also find out what permits were applied for, and when, and who did the job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:33 PM Flag
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even if they paid 280? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:36 PM Flag
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it's hard to know without seeing it. I actually would probably start lower than $400, but I have a history of insulting sellers with my low offers, so I went up a bit. you wrote "gutted," so I'm guessing that they did spend $50-$100k on improvements. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:54 PM Flag
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I don't think any seller would be insulted by any offer right now. Not sure where you are, but things are pretty tough out there. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:56 PM Flag
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yeah. i'm just so bad at knowing costs like these. my mother says demolition is not costly, but renovating is - yet these renovations, while beautiful, do not seem opulent or extravagant. ikea kitchen, durable and fine quality but not luxury materials. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:57 PM Flag
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Given all this info, I'm kind of surprised that their realtor listed it so high. If Zillow is saying $310, I would assume for $460 that you would be getting a pretty luxurious house. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:01 PM Flag
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With a deck, new kitchen, I am assuming new bathrooms, I would be surprised if they spent less than 60, even with Ikea. Most likely closer to 75. It is important point though that you like what they have done, so you will not have any immediate expenditures. I would offer 380 or so, be prepared to go up to 400, if you are sure that comparable houses in the area are selling in this price region. You don't want to get saddled with something that will never recover what you paid for it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:01 PM Flag
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i'm wrong -- they paid about $280 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:06 PM Flag
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and zillow estimates cost of buying this house at about $310 now [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:12 PM Flag
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zillow can be so inaccurate. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:03 PM Flag
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What they paid doens't matter- you need to see what comparable properties are trading for. Maybe they got the deal of the century. Though if this is in NYC then it's doubtful the price would be up. However, in NYC suburbs and other markets values started to get hit 2 years ago, so maybe with the money they put in and their getting a steal, it is worth more. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 07:14 AM Flag
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unfathomable that a home would appreciate 50% from 2007 to 2009...that said, what they paid/spent on renovations isn't relevant...how does it compare to other similar properties...if you haven't seen enough to gauge value don't rush in...once you have seen enough, you'll know right away when something is priced fairly or not [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 07:18 AM Flag
[ - ] Still looking for feedback on the Brooklyn New School. Anyone on tonight? 12 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 05.17.09, 07:01 PM Flag
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^^oops, double post. Sorry! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:05 PM Flag
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I have two dc there. They love it. BNS and its sister school BCS are big on John Dewey's philosophy (e.g. applied learning/experiential education). Lots of field trips and projects. Very diverse with active parents and some crazy park slope-type parents in the mix. If you got off the WL, I would grab the spot. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:07 PM Flag
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Yay! A real person. We're on the WL for K and dd scored a 99 in the GT thing so we've been looking at those programs in bklyn and at the manhattan schools, but I still keep thinking about BNS. So, you're happy? They're happy? Learning and loving school? Is there more than one teacher in a classroom? How do they handle so much hands-on stuff, and what I would assume are very different learning styles among kids? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:12 PM Flag
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^^is there anything you don't like about the school? Do you live nearby, or do dcs take a bus? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:25 PM Flag
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One class per grade is CTT (two teachers) Most of the other classes have student teachers and aides. I love the school, but of course it has shortcomings: the school can be a little unorganized and chaotic at times such as during lunch; it sits right next to the highway; since it's unzoned it doesn't have a neighborhood feel. The most important thing for you to consider is the fact that BNS doesn't buy into the whole G & T philosophy. In fact they can be a little hostile toward parents looking for more enrichment or advanced work for their dc. GL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:37 PM Flag
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that's really interesting...not sure I understand. hostile towards parents who want enrichment? Isn't that their whole MO? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:40 PM Flag
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They believe in enrichment for every child, not just the smart kids. For example, last year when my dd was in kindergarten, there were a bunch of families that opted for BNS over NEST and they just seemed so disappointed and very frustrated with the administration that there were no special classes or activities expressly for their bright dc. In fact, many of them did not return for 1st grade. Just something to consider. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:51 PM Flag
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I think that's great, actually. The more I look at GT programs, the less enthused I am about them. Which is why I'm asking about BNS. Thanks for your feedback--I really appreciate it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:55 PM Flag
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A terrific school, really under-appreciated. Principal(s) know every single kid. Classes are hand picked for socio-economic mix. Very progressive, but DC has learned a lot even tho it may not seem "obvious." Extremely hostile to testing and emphasize giftedness in each and every child. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:09 AM Flag
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OP: Sounds like just what we're looking for. Thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:31 AM Flag
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hear a lot about the lack of diversity in the upper grades. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:10 AM Flag
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that seems like it will be changing, starting fall 09 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 06.18.09, 02:27 AM Flag
[ - ] G&T application: does sibling preference require listing just the one school or does it apply as long as the sibling school is the first one listed? thx. 5 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:56 PM Flag
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First listed. But you don't need second option unless you are applying for higher grades and there may not be spots. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:59 PM Flag
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thank you. putting in a second option shouldn't hurt though, right? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:01 PM Flag
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I can't see that it would, no. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:10 PM Flag
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No. Put it on as a backup in case something drastic happens. If they mess up the placement, you can ask them why you didn't get your first choice with a sibling preference and then they'd fix it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:11 AM Flag
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thank you. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:30 AM Flag
[ - ] Flu? 6 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
Teenagers 05.17.09, 06:56 PM Flag
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yes [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:58 PM Flag
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My 14 year old is running a fever as are several other kids from his school. Any one other there with experience in NYC? How long? How severe? Tamiflu or not? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:59 PM Flag
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Np. tamiflu only shortens it by a day or so. Depends on how high the fever is. If tylenol is not bringing it down, try motrin or advil, sometimes a different brand works better.. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:10 PM Flag
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ditto--14yo in Boston and several of her friends are sick as well. Keeping an eye on it, but so far fever is hovering around 100-101. Nervewracking though... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:36 PM Flag
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just a fever or are there other symptoms? My dd had a fever last week for about 24 hours, turned into a cough for another 24 hours, then completely disappeared. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:38 PM Flag
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one friend is vomiting and fever. Another coughing heavily and fever. My son fever and light cough. And other facebook rumors of illness over the weekend from the school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 08:04 PM Flag
[ - ] LL or 183? 7 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
NY Schools 05.17.09, 06:55 PM Flag
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definately LL [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:57 PM Flag
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definitely LL- no question.Teachers are great, new principal, very active PTA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:58 PM Flag
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LL is a lovely school if you don't mind the small school environment (shared space with PS 198 and only two classes per grade). Great teachers but a mediocre principal. PTA is full of ambitious parents that could trample anyone who gets in the way. Many prepped kids with a singular focus. If you can live with all this, then LL. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.13.18, 02:50 AM Flag
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LL, but if not, 183 is a lovely school -- current 183 parent w/DF w/DC at LL who are thrilled. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:07 PM Flag
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What's your score. Doubt anyone <99 will get into LL this year. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 04:11 AM Flag
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yes - 99 [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 05:18 AM Flag
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LL is a smaller school with a more progressive educational approach. Teachers are AMAZING! 183 is great, too - with many great families in the neighborhood ( Cornell, HSS, Rockefeller, MSK hospital medical famileis) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 04.10.18, 02:42 PM Flag
[ - ] G&T application: do you think 20th deadline is for DOE to get the form or that is the date by which the form is mailed? 2 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:47 PM Flag
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I'm guessing the form needs to be postmarked by then, since you can do it online on the 20th, too. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:56 PM Flag
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clearly says "mail by" on the app. Oy! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:20 PM Flag
[ - ] All of you Ivy-league educated ladies who SAH and don't plan to return to work -- don't your parents feel like they wasted a lot of time and money on your education? (assuming they contributed) Would you be willing to finance your DC's education knowing that they would be SAH as well? 115 Replies [ Reply | Watch | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:44 PM Flag
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hmm. i suspect you are trolling but i'll put in my two cents. and fwiw, i'm not ivy league educated and not even a sahm. but i sometimes think i would've been better off not getting my degree and going into a specific profession and instead just gone into office management or something like that. there are always local offices needing employees. and when i think of what i spent on education, i did earn it back but i'm not sure if it was worth it. that being said, i will add that i'm not an educational purist and i don't care about excelling or about the quality of education or the satisfaction of it. so the schooling for me was purely for the job. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:47 PM Flag
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I'm a WOHM with an Ivy education, but if I could afford to (I.e., if I was married to someone wealthy), I would definitely SAH, and support a child to go to college who would SAH as well. College education isn't just to get a job - it's to enrich your life. It can make you a better parent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:49 PM Flag
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How does knowing about Ovid and Shakespeare and the fall of Rome make you a better parent? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:59 PM Flag
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lit isn't the only thing offered at college. there's psychology, biology, education, all which give valuable education in child-rearing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:02 PM Flag
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College biology does not help with child-rearing, no. And psychology is essentially putting labels and names on things that are intuitively obvious (and that anybody could pick up from a book anyway) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:04 PM Flag
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np: For me, college provided me the experience of living with and getting to know people with varied backgrounds. It gave me a better perspective of the world, which I hope to pass onto my kids. So I think college did prepare me to be a better parent. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:19 PM Flag
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because there is value in knowledge simply for knowledge's sake. And presumably you might want to converse with other adults at some point and not sound like a stepford wife who can only talk about her kids or her husband's job. That said I spend a sh*tload on my education and hated my chosen career. I now do something completely different and my degree is useless for this profession, so is that any different? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:32 PM Flag
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the broader your own horizons, the more you can share with your children...education (as opposed to job training) is certainly on of the greatest assets a human being can possess [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 07:41 AM Flag
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How does it make you a better investment banker, marketing manager, doctor or dentist? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 05:58 PM Flag
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understanding the highest wisdom of our civilization could be useful in child-rearing. I'm going to go with the OR on this one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 09:50 AM Flag
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Wow. I share my knowledge with my kids everyday. They ask a lot of questions and because of my education I know the answers or at least know where to find them. Parents are always a child's primary source for information. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:19 AM Flag
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I am a WOHM with Ivy as well, and while I support the idea that everyone should go to college, regardless of whether they plan to SAH, I have to ask: Why Ivy? Why not a good CUNY or SUNY? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:25 AM Flag
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np: I went to CUNY school (Baruch) and while my education was fine, I never got the real college experience. Most kids lived at home and had jobs so there was not the kind of campus life other schools have and which I think is a great part of college experience. I want better for my children. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:56 AM Flag
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That's a good response, thanks! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 09:07 AM Flag
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I have no clue if I am returning to work but I worked for 15 years before I quit and paid all of my loans. As for my kids, as long as they don't rely on us to support them after graduation I don't care if they work or not, just hope they are happy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:50 PM Flag
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ditto. My mom was a SAHM, and she's glad that I am also. Plus my parents valued education for education's sake, not just for getting a job and making money. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:01 PM Flag
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People who go on to get a college degree anywhere usually are not content staying at home for the REST of their lives. Whether they return to a corporate environment or get involved with a charity of volunteer organization, they don't just SAH forever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 06:59 PM Flag
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Seriously? Plenty of college-educated SAHMs in my town whose DCs are in high school, college, or beyond and are content to SAH forever [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:01 PM Flag
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and they are not involved in anything? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:02 PM Flag
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Not anything special. Some school and community events, but nothing more than any other (WOH) parent [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:03 PM Flag
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I'm really surprised. I truly don't know anyone who doesn't do anything. Or maybe I just don't bother getting to know them because truthfully, they sound kind of boring. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:12 PM Flag
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Yes, because all the people stuck in boring jobs they barely tolerate are oh so interesting. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:13 PM Flag
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Did they go to Ivy caliber college or just college? Bc IME, there is a big difference in terms of whether WOHM or SAHM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 07:02 AM Flag
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'Ivy' SAHMs are more likely not to work because they are more likely to be wealthy. Only 40% of female Harvard MBAs grads worked 10 years out, even part-time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:27 AM Flag
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I would rather my dd had a fulfilling career, and would put her in the best schools she could get into. But if she eventually chooses the dark side, whaddaya gonna do? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:05 PM Flag
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np: I completely agree that the point of education is the enrich your life and expand your mind. If you do that in a university setting than there's an added dimension. To negate a woman (especially one 'wasting' an ivy degree) because she chooses to be a SAHM is the height of ignorance and obvious lack of education and sophistication. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:29 PM Flag
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Thats why we should encourage our dc's to study what they really want to in college, not what will pay well, or sound good. Then they might actually enjoy their careers, and not end up having stunning midlife crisis like we all are. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:32 PM Flag
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Or they may end up never really getting a job to support a family, and we'll have to foot the bill till we die. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:34 PM Flag
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Maybe, but at least they really were studying something they loved for a few years. That is so important. But of course it would be lovely if they would also support us in our old age! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:40 PM Flag
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I could not care less about them supporting me, that hopefully won't be necessary, but they ought to be able to pay their own bills. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 04:39 AM Flag
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It all depends on your specific situation. How would your parents know that you were going to marry rich and be able to SAH. Nobody can see the future and it's better to pay for it in the instance that someday she might need it, not everyone marries rich. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:32 PM Flag
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Are you saying if you knew DD would marry rich you would not pay for her education???? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:35 PM Flag
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No I'm saying that I can't see into the future to know so yes I would pay for her education either way. I also figure that luck figures to be prepared. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 09:03 PM Flag
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And how do YOU foot the bill for someone who can afford to be a SAHM? Your ignorance glares brighter. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:37 PM Flag
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^^ meant to respond to poster above this one... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 07:38 PM Flag
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That makes no sense. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 09:09 PM Flag
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I believe there are plenty of SAHMs with great educations who are nowhere near being rich. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:51 AM Flag
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then it's usually just a temporary situation, those women tend to return to workforce once kids are in school [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:59 AM Flag
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me me me [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 07:55 AM Flag
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Doesn't describe me, but not sure why you care? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 09:53 PM Flag
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having an education and staying at home to raise dc's have nothing to do with each other. my parents were very supportive of my education and my SAH in these early years to fulfill what i feel to be right. silly question. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.17.09, 11:49 PM Flag
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The OP was asking about life-time SAHMs [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:49 AM Flag
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well i surely plan of returning to work at some point, however, the education my parents provided for me and sibling stemmed from THEIR high regard for education. it has not been an issue beyond that; not now, and i can't see it becoming an issue in the future. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 12:51 PM Flag
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LOL. I do feel sorry for SAH who married wealthy and seem to have no passion for anything other than shopping and decorating. And all of this insane hysteria over getting kid into TT -- for no reason other than said child will grow up to have insane hysteria over getting his/her DC into TT. where does it end? what good are they bringing into the world? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 03:19 AM Flag
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my parents raised me to do as i saw fit, and they who sacrificed everything to send me to good schools certainly don't see staying at home with your children as anything but the sacrifice that we make as parents. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:33 AM Flag
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I am an Ivy-league educated WOHM who would stay home in a heartbeat if we could afford it. And my mom would support that decision with every fibre of her body and be grateful that the money she spent educating me would contribute to providing a wonderful life for my child. I am an attorney and have enjoyed some success in my career, but my parents are most proud of the job I am doing as a mom - and to be honest that is what I am most proud of too. My kid is sooo incredibly awesome that she shocks me almost daily. My parents and grandparents love to point out that many of the things my daughter accomplishes is directly attributable to one thing or another that to which she was exposed at an early age. I think my education informed me and broadened my world. As a result I have been able to expose her early to a variety of things. I am by no means taking credit for my daughter's brilliance or her surprising athletic talents or her good manners, I am just saying that I think my education helps me everyday to give her the tools that she needs. And to answer the second part, I will support my kid in whatever school choices she makes, and however she chooses to use it. I would be really flattered (stupidly I know) if she chooses my alma mater - and I would be thrilled for her - and more than a little jealous - if she has the good fortune to become a stay at home mom! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:58 AM Flag
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wonderful response [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 06:59 AM Flag
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this is one of those self=centered my child is the most "incredibly awesome" nonsense rationalizations that set women back. yuck, yuck, yuck. you are not the first mommy in the world, nor the greatest. calm down and get over yourself. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 07:29 AM Flag
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you suck...she's not saying she's a better mother, or her child is a better kid, than others...she's saying that her work as a mom is as important as anything else she could possibly be doing [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 07:40 AM Flag
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phooey on you. she's on an anonymous board and she's not saying any of that. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 07:54 AM Flag
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OMG, ITTTTA! "many things my daughter accomplishes is (sic) directly attributed to [something I did]." Self-centered much?? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:51 AM Flag
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You are a wonderful role model for your dd precisely because you are combining a successful career with being a great Mom. All her successes happen because she is trying to emulate you and to make you proud. I understand your desire to give it up to watch her grow: but if you had, you would have done it for your sake, not for hers. No long term studies have ever shown the kids of SAHM to be more successful and more adjusted than those of loving devoted WOHM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:31 AM Flag
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I am not just Ivy undergrad, but have MA and PhD as well. I worked 15 years (not counting grad school) before I quit because of dcs . You can call it early retirement if you wish. Do you have something against people who retire early because they can afford it? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:05 AM Flag
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do you anticipate that you will re-join the workforce in any capacity in the future? just curious. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:26 AM Flag
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Good question. Don't know. Most likely I will when my dcs will need me less. But I haven't decided if I ever would like to go to a high power career I used to have. It is satisfying, but I got burned out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:31 AM Flag
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^^assuming that I even would be able to return to that level. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:33 AM Flag
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When I hear "early retirement," I think golf, tennis, canasta, and sitting by the pool. So I just find it hard to believe that someone with 3 degrees would be happy just checking out, once the kids are out of the house. Most of my kids are in school now, and I am already chomping at the bit trying to figure out what my next steps are going to be. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:37 AM Flag
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np: That's not it at all. A lot of DH's colleagues have retired early from their corporate 80+ hours a week job and now work on their own deals, part time and in control of their schedule. Dh wants to do the same in 5 years or so, and I think it will be great for all if we can make it happen. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:51 AM Flag
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OR: I agree wholeheartedly. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:57 AM Flag
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np: I have to say, whenever I hear someone is going to "retire early" from their high-powered jobs, I cringe. It just sounds a little pretentious. Most people call it "getting a new job." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 09:09 AM Flag
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But most of them don't get a new job. They work for themselves, mostly part-time, on their own terms. They also play golf, coach their kids' HS soccer team, or whatever else they want to do. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 09:15 AM Flag
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I became a sahm after 15 years in the workforce. I never say I "retired early." I think the phrase is used most often to impress. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 09:22 AM Flag
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People don't usually say early, they just that they are retiring, at least in my company. The early gets added because they are in their 50s which is not the official retirement age. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 09:37 AM Flag
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^^^and to me, it implies they have enough money not to work again, that's all. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 09:38 AM Flag
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If they're in their 50's, then I WOULD consider it early retirement. I'm really referring to those in their 40's who want to change careers, and perhaps work less hours and are willing to make less money, and they seem to need to justify it to the world and hint at their savings accounts by saying they are "retiring" from their industry. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 09:42 AM Flag
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I quit relatively recently, so I may miss perspective. But in NYC you can do other things (not pool/golf, etc). For example, follow cultural life, and coming to concerts not with the blood still dripping from your fangs after the last meeting at work. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:55 AM Flag
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The Ivy League education shouldn't be thought of as mere vocational training. My child is *relatively* likely to meet her future spouse wherever she matriculates. And even if she doesn't marry someone from her college, the Ivy credential makes her more attractive to suitors of similar status. It's not a perfect metric, but generally speaking an Ivy education serves as a proxy for genetic fitness. Ssuming that I hope my grandchildren are born of superior genetic stock, giving my children an Ivy education betters those odds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:14 AM Flag
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sounds like something one of hitler's henchmen would have said. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:15 AM Flag
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Ew. I went to an Ivy and I find your reasoning disturbing. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:17 AM Flag
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This is so fake! ha ha, good one! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:25 AM Flag
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that's a callous, bordering on horrifying way of putting it...BUT, smart/educated people like associating with smart/educated people....if you want that for yourself or your child, going to a good school can be part of it [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:34 AM Flag
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Well, I don't know that I'd call many Ivy legacies "smart" ("lucky" by birth would be more like it). And motivation and work ethic are just as important as natural intelligence, and chances are a long-term SAHM, even an Ivy graduate, doesn't have either. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:56 AM Flag
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your jealousy is unbecoming. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 09:01 AM Flag
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I'm an Ivy WOHM and I find your post bizarre. First of all, I was not "lucky." I came to this country speaking not a lick of English, and I worked damn hard to get into my Ivy. I knew maybe a handful of legacies, but most had to work hard to get into my school. Secondly, are you implying that SAHM have no motivation or work ethic? By saying so you're no better off than the SAHMs who constantly tell me to "raise my own children." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 09:02 AM Flag
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Are you Russian? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 11:35 AM Flag
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You've succeed in confusing me even more. No, I'm not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 11:36 AM Flag
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Actually, today most Ivy legacies are very competitive. The Ivies refuse admission to many legacies, and most of the accepted legacies could have easily secured admission to the 2nd tier school of their choice. Today, GW at Andover and Yale. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 02:12 PM Flag
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yeah - no smarts to go ivy. You're nuts [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 02:40 PM Flag
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OMG, are you kidding me? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:52 AM Flag
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you must be fake. Nobody really thinks like this. Do they? Gross - you are disgusting [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 02:39 PM Flag
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ghastly; i hope we weren't at the same Ivy -- but please tell me you are uneducated yourself and striving for your child, and also this is a parody. i hope. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 07:25 PM Flag
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ROFLMAO [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 09:41 AM Flag
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I understand that education is important. But why Ivy? Why not a CUNY or SUNY if you plan to SAH? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:48 AM Flag
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I don't know many 18 year olds who have their reproductive future mapped out. do you? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:50 AM Flag
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Actually, I ask because one of my friends is exactly in this situation. She knew, absolutely knew, she was going to marry her BF at the time (she did) and be SAHM (she did). She went to Ivy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:52 AM Flag
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^ And yes, I do think some women know that they're going to be SAHM, just like I always knew I'd be WOHM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:52 AM Flag
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There are so many "ifs" in this. what if you don't get married? what if you can't have kids? what if you have a child with special needs? what if you can't afford to SAH? It's so silly to try to guess at all of this when you're 18. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:56 AM Flag
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I guess my friend is more the exception that the rule, having planned her life to the T and having it work out exactly the way she expected it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:58 AM Flag
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LOL. Several of my friends *knew* they would marry their boyfriends at the time and only one actually did. And she now works because DH is not doing all that well. You never know what the future holds. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 08:54 AM Flag
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So, um, why did your friend go to Ivy? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 09:51 AM Flag
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Because the boyfriend was going there and she wanted to be with him. Had she gone to SUNY, they would likely have broken up. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:55 AM Flag
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Wow, glad that worked out for her. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:58 AM Flag
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How many 18 yos plan to SAH? And more to the point, two friends among most vocal about staying home and raising kids are actually working, perspectives often change as life happens. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 09:04 AM Flag
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I think this whole premise that you know what you are going to do with your life at 18 or so, when you are entering your college, or by same token in your 20s, when you are applying to the graduate school, is naive. You go to college, grad school, sometimes even apply for a phd, Ivy or CUNY, based on your desires and and are accepted based on your abilities and talent. I am not sure how is it relevant to your further decision parenting decision. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 09:03 AM Flag
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NO. having a high education (and a career pre-children) only helps me be a better parent. i know the whole process of school and job hunting and i know the trials and tribulations of pressure to succeed. taking the time off to be a mom gives me better perspective on whats important and i hope that transfers to my kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 09:34 AM Flag
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how high is high? like vyschee obrazovanie? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 09:52 AM Flag
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Higher [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 11:30 AM Flag
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What a load of nonsense. First, education is more than just a credential for employment, and if you believe in the ideals espoused by the stewards of most universities--Ivy or otherwise-- society as a whole benefits when more people are well educated, in countless ways. An educated parent is a better parent and a better community member even if he or she does not perform work that is formally recognized by economic compensation. Second, an education should prepare you to navigate through life, and life is unpredictable. Even the most stalwart SAHM could find herself in a situation where she would have to find work. I want my daughter to be prepared for whatever might come her way in life, regardless of what she thinks is going to happen in the immediate future. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 10:09 AM Flag
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Why, oh why... are mothers judgmental of other mothers? Do what works for you... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 01:35 PM Flag
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i would say you may not need the ivy education but certain good education gives you a lot more options down the road. you have good education, then good career, then you are more likely to be able to CHOOSE to be a SAHM or WOHM. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 02:30 PM Flag
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Dude, it's not trade school. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 02:35 PM Flag
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of course. No my parents love me unconditionally. Oh and they know I'm smart [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.18.09, 02:41 PM Flag
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Most of my friends who went to Harvard B School and now are SAHMs never really found a job they liked. They love being mothers and wives but in general hated their jobs and having kids was a very convenient excuse to leave the workplace. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 09:48 AM Flag
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I'm a lawyer and I think this is so true. The majority of people I know, male and female, would prefer to not work over working. It's just that "opting out" is more socially acceptable for women. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:22 AM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:25 AM Flag
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My question is, why all the (internalized) pressure to get these fancy degrees that don't lead to job satisfaction or general happiness with life? I understand the undergrad, most of us aren [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:26 AM Flag
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this is a good question. the lack of job satisfaction in this country is amazing. though, our grandparents might say it's a sense of entitlement that we have, to like our jobs. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:29 AM Flag
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And I agree with your grandparents to some extent. But people spend so much time and money to get what they think is their ideal job and THEN are unhappy, ya know? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:30 AM Flag
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yup. $100K is a lot to spend (forget forgone salary) to end up unhappy. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:34 AM Flag
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^^^ most of us aren't that self-aware at 16, 17 years old. But I would hope one of the benefits of that first degree would be to help people figure out what they want (and don't want) out of life. Law seems to be a classic example of this - I know so many unhappy lawyers. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:29 AM Flag
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So do I, but I don't think people realize how much practicing law in a typical 'BigLaw' environment sucks the life out of you and how incompatible with raising a family it is. So they end up looking for exit strategy sooner rather than later. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:32 AM Flag
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Yeah, I just think (wish) that with all the prep that goes into LSATs, applications etc these kids might look into the resulting lifestyle a bit harder. Not that I blame the kids themselves. I think it's an unfortunate cultural trend overall. But on the other hand, maybe lots of parents (unfortunately mostly mothers) have to drop out of these industries for them to change their policies. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:40 AM Flag
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NP: I think everyone comes into the profession knowing they will have to "work hard". I also think it's really hard to have any concept as a student, or even as a young professional who can easily fit their life into their non-working hours what it will mean to be "working hard" once you are in your 30s, 40s, and beyond. Forget even the demands of having young children. Even the daily grind of doing the same thing, year after year - you don't experience that during your school years (different schedule every semester, long breaks) or early in your career. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:56 AM Flag
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I think only people in the rich countries have the issue of self-searching. In poor countries, most people automatically get their position as a worker. They have no choice. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 05.19.09, 10:53 AM Flag
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